


I see you, Tsu'tey

by ChibsAndChill



Category: Avatar (2009)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 37
Words: 87,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24253294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibsAndChill/pseuds/ChibsAndChill
Summary: On Pandora, everything can kill you. And humans are at the bottom of the food chain. The native people of Pandora, the Na'vi,  despise the Sky People, thus, the Avatar Program. But Awa, a member of the Avatar Program, finds her passion on Pandora and learns that life on Pandora is more than life or death. Its a cycle, and this is what lead her to Tsu'tey.
Relationships: Tsu'tey/Original Female Character
Comments: 12
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the dialogues between humans are in English (except for dialogues between Awa and Grace), and all dialogues between Na'vi is in Na'vi.   
> Present time chapter

AN: Most of this chapter and the next 'present time' chapter is about Jake but the rest are about Awa, please enjoy! Constructive criticism is more than welcomed:)

It was a cold and rainy day when Jake got the call from the RDA, it was one of those days where everything went wrong, it was as if the bad weather was a sign of the storm to come. Jake had woken up with a bad feeling that morning, a sort of gnawing feeling in his stomach that warned him that something was going to happen. He ignored it, of course, since he came home from the war it was more common to feel that itching of repressed instincts than not. The first time they approached him was in a low budget bar full of people addicted to different substances and people with issues, he was one of those people. At first he thought they were the police and had come to pick him up after he had punched a guy in the head so hard that he passed out on the cold marble floor. The men came clad in matching black suits and dark sunglasses, it was as if they had copied how the FBI in movies used to look like. Maybe they thought he'd appreciate the irony, or maybe it was to intimidate him into leaving with them without a fight. Now he thought of the suits as signs of mourning, their suits were a soulless black but yet conveyed the strongest message. Their glasses hid their true feelings, a voice could be manipulated but eyes always told the truth. He didn't speak with them, only shook his head with a glare in his eyes and left. Those men came from the same organisation as his twin, a man he had had a falling out with just before leaving for the battlefield that would leave him crippled and broke.

Then the call came, that very same call that his old marine instincts warned him about. In the movies the one that delivered the news were soft-spoken, gentle and sympathetic, Jake didn't get that. Jake was greeted by a gruff, deep voice that barked to him that his twin was dead. He didn't get any build up to the devastating news that would come to change his whole life as he knew it, no, the delivery man just straight out spat it at him as soon as Jake lifted the outdated phone that his few military friends joked belongs in the museum. The words haunted him, taunted him even, they were ringing in his ears as he slammed the phone down on his kitchen table that was so full with scratches that the previously smooth and polished surface was a distant memory. Not only did they tell him that his brother was dead, that his twin was dead, but they demanded that he attend the 'funeral' they had so kindly arranged for him. They had a business proposal for him, that he 'couldn't resist'.

It didn't take them long before throwing the offer of a job at him, the body of his murdered twin hadn't even been burned before the wolves threw themselves upon him, urging him, no manipulating him into taking the offer. He had never been a science guy, never felt the interest to know things, he had always been Jake, Jake the military man. It was his twin that had been interested in science, it was his twin that worked hard to go to the deadly paradise in a body unlike the human one but yet so similar. Tom Sully, the overachiever and dreamer of worlds, the man that had been robbed off his dream by a man desperate for any money he could get his hands on, and was willing to kill for it. His brother had spent three grueling years in the program, he did all the work only to be robbed of it just before he was going to reap the benefits it would give him. Now Jake would take what his brother had started and finish it, he would take his brother's place and go to Pandora. As honorable as they made it seem, or how appealing the offer of a new life sounded to the veteran, he mostly took the offer because of the promise of a large sum of money. Of course some part of him did it because the idea of starting anew appealed to him, that and he thought living as a blue space monkey sounded cool.

Grace Augustine was a living legend that many only dreamt of meeting, Jake had no idea who she was until she stared him down with clear disappointment in her eyes. She didn't sugarcoat her dislike for him either, she was very vocal about it, particularly the bit where she wanted his brother and not him. Jake was used to being compared to his brother so he wasn't too bothered by her insensitive comment about his late twin, and responded with small sarcastic comment that brought out a little bit of amusement in the cold eyes of the scientist. After he woke up in his avatar body for the first time she had remarked that he had impressive motoric skills after only waking up, that sentence meant so much more from her because he knew that she without a doubt meant it. He shivers just thinking about it, the feeling of being able to walk again, to run again and to bury his feet in the ground. It was an euphoric feeling that he would do anything to keep on feeling for the rest of his life. And those actions brought him to where he was now, on a helicopter with Grace, Norm, their pilot and a few random soldiers he didn't know the names of. He was supposed to be their protection in Na'vi form, he was a trained marine but he hoped he didn't have to use those skills against anything just yet.

Jake was watching the green terrain bellow him with wide eyes full of fascination and awe, the beauty of Pandora was indescribable. The forests were bursting with colors, plants and trees of all sizes (though they were all much bigger than anything you could find back on Earth), he could faintly see the multitude of different animals roaming the ground. It was everything he ever imagined and more. Sometimes he swore he saw small flashes of blue gracefully moving from tree to tree but that could just be his imagination. He doubted it was the na'vi he could see since he's heard tales of their stealth and gracefulness. No human even came close to them in anything. He reluctantly tore his eyes of the glorious view and turned towards his two companions who were both staring at him with amusement in their eyes and face. "What?" He asked with a weirded out look on his face. "Have I got something on my face?"

"No, it's just -uh- . Your face, it's amazing" Norm commented with a large grin on his face, his tail swinging gently from side to side and ears flinging in all sorts of directions. Jake didn't know how long the other human had been staring at him and he wasn't sure he wanted the answer. He had caught Norm staring at him many times, often with a glint in his eyes that told him that all Norm saw was a ghost of Tom. "You are so awestruck"

Jake shrugged, trying to hide his embarrassment. "It's amazing." He retorted, trying to wave away his awe of the place before meeting Doctor Augustine's stern eyes. "So have you had any contact with these Na'vi?"

Grace looked at him unimpressed, she most likely knew exactly what he was doing. She knew Norm had been telling him stories and she knew that he had listened to the debrief. "Didn't you listen to the debrief? The reason why you and all the others are here is because we have no contact with them."

Jake stared back at her, a little hurt by her constant venom, not that he would ever admit that. No, he was supposed to be this strong, unmoving force that would protect them at any cost. That's why they brought him. Or at least that's why he thought they brought him. "No contact then, at all" He concluded and looked away, settling for watching his tail swing around in the open helicopter.

"There is one girl-" Norm started but is interrupted by Grace who glared at him with pure anger in her eyes. Jake never thought this would be the time he finally got to know who the girl was, the girl who was coated in mystery. Norm looked away from the angry woman but still continued, he wanted to prove himself capable of making his own decisions and this was one small step on that journey. "There is one girl, Awa, who's with the Na'vi right now. You can see her from time to time on base."

This catched Jake's attention, there's a girl living with the terrifying blue monkeys? That's what they were hiding? They were so desperate to hide the fact that one girl was successful in her task, why? And why was it such a big secrete when she was on base sometimes, wouldn't he eventually have run into her? "She's with the Na'vi? Then why hasn't she made sure to get you in there?"

Grace glared at Norm and then switched the heavy glare to Jake who stared right back at her with the same heated glare. "It doesn't work like that, they won't accept anyone else" Not after what happened she wanted to add. She shared a knowing look with Norm. Jake avert his eyes, thinking about what the scientist just said.

...

Jake was so stupid, so incredibly stupid. He had barked up the wrong tree and now he was lost in the forest, alone and tired. He still had some of the old instincts left but every movement he made in his new body felt unused. They had told him not to do it and he still went ahead and did it and now here he was. It was his own fault.

He was currently squatting in the cold mud next to a small pond he had found, he was waving around a branch he had lit on fire while trying to chase away the small wolf like creatures that were attacking him with extreme hunger. His mind was split in half, the rational half told him to keep it lit to chase away the animals but his military instincts screamed at him that the light was part of the problem. If he threw the branch in the water and ran away he would probably evade the animals without suffering any major injuries. The forest was quiet except for his heavy panting, the swishing sound of his branch coupled with the growls of the animals. It was eerily quiet and dark, if he wasn't in such a threatening position he would have been fascinated by the pretty lights that the forest had that illuminated different paths and plant life.

With a growl and a particularly long lunge he drove away one of the smaller creatures but the others closed in on him with one of them striking at his exposed leg.

A few trees away were two members of the Omaticaya clan crouching on the large branches. They had been tracking the dreamwalkers since they had landed outside of the heavily guarded human area. They had abandoned the two other dreamwalkers, Grace and Norm, after the they saw Jake being chased by a Palulukan. Awa had almost laughed her ass off at his panicked face, he truly didn't know how to use his own body and it was hilarious. She could remember when she was at that stage but then again it wasn't long until the na'vi literally snatched her up and trained her.

"Do you know him, Awa?" One of the na'vi asked the other with a heavy scowl on her face as they watched the male struggle on the ground. She had tried to shoot him before but the atokirina had floated down on her bow. It was a sign from Eywa not to shoot the male.

"No, just another stupid dreamwalked" Awa replied with to her companion with a snarl on her face. If this dreamwalker didn't stop what he was doing she would hurt him, didn't he know anything? Had Grace not taught him anything, she asked herself, disappointed in her closest human friend. "Look at him, Neytiri. Do really think he would be behaving like that if I knew him?" They both knew he wouldn't.

The other Na'vi, Neytiri looked down on the struggling Jake with low hisses slipping out now and then when he hurt the little nantangs. She would stand for this no longer, she could sense his heart was pure and Eywa didn't want him dead, but he could not do this. "Go back to Tsu'tey, I'm sure he misses you"

Awa gleefully jumped off the branch and onto the illuminated ground before waving goodbye to her friend. She had missed him too. Neytiri looked at Awa's retreating back as the Na'vi made her way back to the hometree, and Tsu'tey. She sighed knowingly with a small grin on her lips before turning back to the struggling dreamwalker. When a high pitched whimper met her ears she jumped into action, this had gone on long enough.

She swept the closest of nantangs away from him and shot the ones further back, making sure to hit them right in the heart so that they suffer as little as possible. She would need to tell her clan of this so they could make use of all the animals and then send the poor energies back to Eywa. When the small hyena like animals come to close to her she throws her bow back on her back and instead brandished her knife, swinging it expertly around her as she fought the animals. Jake was still struggling, hitting the animals left and right but his attention lied with Neytiri and her graceful movements.

When all the animals were dead and she had prayed for them all she turned to the male that she had nothing but negative feelings for. How Awa and this male came from the same pace was beyond her, how Awa and any of the other sky people came from the same place was beyond her. None of them (except Grace) could see and yet Awa was able too see so much before they truly opened her eyes.

"Thank you" The male told Neytiri with a relieved smile and heaving breaths. It had exhausted him, she realised happily. Good, it was a small price to pay for the massacre he had made. "For killing those things"

"You do not thank for this, they did not need to die" She hissed out with her tail flaring angrily behind her and ears turned fully backwards. Her instincts were telling her to kill the dreamwalker before he killed her but she couldn't bring herself too. She wasn't like the sky people but all the things they had put them trough had soured her heart for them.

He looked at her, taken aback by the sudden aggression she showed. Just a minute ago she was saving him from certain death and now she was seething. "Well, thanks anyways"

Neytiri glare dat the male and turned her back to him not wanting to spend another minute with his ignorant, arrogant self. She didn't want to ever see him again and she would pray to Eywa that he would return home "You are like a child" She called back to him, not missing the opportunity to mock him.

Jake picked up his discarded stick that Neytiri had thrown into the water just moments before. He needed some kind of weapon if he wanted to defend himself, not that it would help him against the goddess before me, he thought to himself. "Well, if I'm like a child, then uh maybe you should teach me" He told her while running through the thick vegetation, chasing after the female Na'vi. He was extremely curious of what they would teach them.

"Sky people cannot learn, they do not see" She replied, still not looking back at Jake. She was jogging away faster than he could keep up. Her body gracefully flowing past all the nature around them, her body carrying her effortless whereas he stumbled around awkwardly.

"Then teach me how to see" He tried again, desperately. Grace would never let him live it down if he let her run away from him. He suspected this was the closest they had gotten to the natives since Awa. Someone he was eager to meet.

"No one can teach you how to see" Neytiri told the male chasing her while skillfully running on the thick branch that lead her closer to hometree. This was also when it started to get really dangerous for Jake, they were closing in on the inner circles of Omaticaya territory and she knew that they would soon run into hunters. They would probably run into Tsu'tey, the one that she was the least excited to see if Jake followed her. Not only are dreamwalkers forbidden on near the hometree but he would get protective and defensive of Awa who Neytiri hoped to Eywa he had not brought. The smallest things would set him off if he had her with him. Jake wouldn't stand a chance if Tsu'tey set his eyes on him.

Jake was having a more difficult time trying to follow her, not really used to being able to walk he more like stumbled along after Neytiri. "But come on, can't we talk?" He asked Neytiri who was adamnent in ignoring the man. "Where did you learn how to speak english, Doctor Augustine's school?"

Jake stumbled again and this time almost fell off of the thick base they were running on but Neytiri catched his arm in a deadly tight grip and steadied him. "You are like a baby" She told him before cursing him out in her native language. The burning feeling of sorrow coursed through her body when he mentioned the school, she had hoped that it would never be mentioned again but the past always caught up with them.

Seeing that Neytiri had stopped and he had her attention he looked at her seriously, he would not screw this up. "Look, I need your help"

She stared at him and said yet another thing in her native language and if Jake wonders what his brother would do, he always knew what to do, what to say. She stared at him in silence, seemingly not acknowledging his words until she spoke in her native language. Jake wondered what his brother would do, his brother knew fluent Na'vi and would have no problem communicating with the beautiful female. He wondered how Tom would handle the situation and if he was proud of him, wherever he was.

"Do you know who Awa is?"

"Awa, I do not know this Awa" She told him but by the small widening of her eyes when he mentioned her name Jake knew that Neytiri was lying to him.

"I know you're lying to me." He told her with a frown on his face. They really weren't off to a good start. "Please, I need to know"

"You are not allowed to be here, go back" She snarled out when he attempted to follow her after she turned her back on him. It wouldn't do any of them any good if he followed her and they were caught even though she had sensed and seen that Eywa didn't want the male hurt.

"Take me with you" He insisted, trying to persuade her into bringing him wherever they where going. He needed to present his progress to the general and bring back something to show Grace that he isn't completely useless.

"No!" She snarled out, her patience was seriously weaning and if he didn't watch it he would be tossed down the abyss. "Go back" Neytiri turned back around and started moving forward again when he rushed after her and attempted to grab her.

"No" He simply uttered before Neytiri pushed him back with her hand on his clothed chest. She was getting more antsy as seconds ticked by, Tsu'tey was gonna be here soon and he would not be happy. Eywa would not be happy if something happened to Jake.

She said something in her native language again and Jake regarded her with a confused look on his face. She pointed the end of her long bow at him and with downwards pointing ears she told him to go back.

The two looked up at the sky when they noticed all the atokirinas that floated over them. They were swaying gently in the breeze as they made their way somewhere, somewhere Jake was not sure of. Neytiri gasped when they came closer, a true sign from Eywa.

Jake attempted to swat one away and was then grabbed by Neytiri who snarled something at him. He wasn't used to these creatures and they were freaking him out. He didn't like it. He attempted to swat them away from him once again when they came even closer to the pair but Neytiri quickly pulled his arm away and through her teeth said "Atokirina" like he would know what that meant.

She repeated the word again when the atokirina all landed on him, making her release his arm and walk back stunned. She had never seen them react like that to anybody before. Eywa must have big plans for this dreamwalker, she concluded. I best get him to mother.

"What are they?" He asked, trying his best not to flick them off him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past time chapter

TIme doesn't exist in space like it did on earth, time moves differently up here. In cryo-sleep you don't age no matter how long you sleep and you never dream. Not that you'll realise that, it's only after you wake up that you notice the dreamless state you used to be in. Awa would know, she herself had woken up from the cryo-sleep only hours ago with a loud gasp and erratic breathing. 5 years of sleep affected the body even if it didn't age, there's a lingering feeling of exhaustion and weakness days afterwards. Her first steps on Pandora soil were shaky and she remember her hands shaking despite not being scared or nervous. She was too excited to be nervous, it was like a dream come true.

She thinks back to her time in the Avatar program schooling, the countless hours she spent learning the customs, languages and traditions of the native people. She's always had an easy time learning languages but even this one proved some difficulty, she had the most struggles with the little clicks, similar to some African languages and the sounds similar to some european languages like german. It was easy enough once she learned some of the unfamiliar sounds and the general grammatical rules. She spoke fluent na'vi by the time she graduated. She held the record for most hours spent in a simulator, ever, even beating that of the legendary Grace Augustine. She spent most of her free time there, it got to a point that she skipped some of her other classes just so she could spend more time in her Avatar form. After a certain amount of time, she didn't know when, she started considering the Na'vi form her true form instead of the human body she was born into. Her psychologist insisted that she had to take a break from the simulation but Awa persisted, she didn't like being in her human form. All she could feel was like an itch that she couldn't scratch that only went away when she was in the simulator. She also had a bad record of getting into verbal fights with the RDA employes in and out of their classes. She disliked what they were preaching and showed it often untill she realised it was damaging her reputation and chances to graduate.

She was now sitting in the almost empty cafeteria, shoveling tasteless mush that she suspected was supposed to be mashed potatoes. 'It won't be the animals killing me, it will be this sad excuse for food', she thought to herself with a small happy grin. Not even the bad food could destroy her happy mood. She was on Pandora!

Just as she was putting a new spoonful of the mush a raspy voice spoke behind her. "Hello" It greeted, the voice sounded familiar to Awa but she couldn't put her finger on why. The rasp could only be caused by a smoking habit or age. The latter was not likely based on how the footsteps sounded.

She turned around, cheeks puffing out as she tried to swallow the food. "H-hello" She greeted back, stunned. It was Grace Augustine! Her idol was standing behind her, talking to her! She knew that the woman was on the base but she didn't expect to run into her any time soon. Especially not with a mouth full of gray mush. "It's so nice to meet you!" She sputtered out with wide eyes and a small blush on the apples of her cheeks.

"Oh please don't" Grace huffed out, not at all appreciating the fangirling from the younger woman. She was so over the praise and unconditional love that she received from so many, they didn't know her and therefore shouldn't sing her praises. She needed people with backbone or else they wouldn't survive the harsh planet that was Pandora. She hoped that this student, Awa, would prove to be different. She could see the potential Awa held, she just needed to make sure the girl came out of her shell. "I've heard so many great things about you"

Awa nodded, still stunned by the appearance of her idol. "I hope so, I've worked hard for this"

"I know" Grace responded, remembering the thick file that she had been given on the girl. The content had made her eyes widen, she had never seen a number that high on simulation and it wasn't often the students had as good grades as Awa did. It was truly impressive, but what really caught her eye was the incident reports on the young woman. At first she was sceptical if the girl before her was suitable but then she read on and saw that she had only been in fights with the RDA employes and she remember feeling a bit of pride in her chest. Awa would be a great addition, she thought to herself, and I bet the na'vi would love her. "I've read your files. How's your na'vi?"

" My vocabulary is limited but I can easily hold conversations and I remember all the traditional phrases and formal greetings they taught us." Awa responded with her eyes turned towards the floor, she wasn't used to the kind of attention Grace was giving her and she was unsure of how to handle it. She had spent many grueling hours perfecting her linguistic skills but the program had limited knowledge of the language. Most of it came from Grace and other avatar drivers that had managed to interact with the Na'vi, big parts of the language remained a mystery to them and she suspected it would remain that way unless someone was taught personally by them. " I still have much to learn"

"Your way of speaking is a little stiff and unsure but still very skilled. With proper training you will be speaking like a native in not time" Grace complimented her, she had expected her to be good but she surpassed her expectations. The older woman suspected that Awa had peeked in documents and footage she wasn't supposed to because no student had ever come to her this advanced in the language. The part about speaking like a native wasn't exactly true, even Grace wasn't there yet and she doubted she ever would since she and all the other humans had been cast out of the clan's good graces." From now on we will always speak in na'vi to each other, this way you will advance and no nosy military shits will know what we're talking about" She joked with a small chuckle but her words rang with truth. The military parts of the operation got more and more involved with her departments as time went by but Grace was going to fight them until her body was placed in the ground and her energy returned to Eywa.

" Thank you" Awa bowed her head with a grateful smile. This first meeting was going better than she expected. " Have you met any other drivers from my class?" The young woman was curious about her past classmates and if they had been welcomed as she had. She doubted it, most of them were under average intelligence and was only there because of their parents or some undercover operation by the trigger-happy fanatics.

"Yes, there were surprisingly few this time but most have shown great promise. Some have not and I pray that they won't be eaten by the first creature they meet out there." Grace spit out, her eyes disappointed. She wasn't looking forward the next batch of drivers if they showed the same lack of interest as some did in this one. No matter, Awa would do just fine. She would teach the girl personally and hopefully it would pay off.

"We have had extensive training about the different creatures but I doubt any of us remember all" Awa responded humbly, she remembered it all but she didn't like her fellow drivers to be spoken about like that. Most of them tried their best. Her bowl of mashed bullshit was left forgotten in front of her as she spoke with her soon-to-be mentor and best friend.

"Can I sit?" Grace asked with a knowing smile, she knew that Awa was downplaying her own knowledge to avoid her past classmates being degraded. She liked that Awa would not stand for injustice but she would work on her confidence. " My body is aching" And it was, every part of her body was feeling numb but at the same time there was a pulsing ache. It had been a long day for the doctor, full of avoiding new people and steadily filling in a ton of paperwork. They had lost an Avatar last week due to the driver's own stupidity. She suspected there would be a lot more incidents like that with the batch of students that had been dropped on Pandora today.

" Of course" Awa replied while feeling shame bubble up inside of her, how could she not have offered a seat to the older woman. It was the respectful thing to do, the only right thing to do and in all the excitement she had forgotten her own manners. "I would have offered before but I forgot, I'm so sorry"

"Spare me the excuses, I don't need your permission to sit" Grace told the girl with an amused smirk on her face, she was just messing with the poor girl but Awa desperately needed to build her self confidence. " Have you seen your Avatar yet?"

All the color drained for Awa's face, another thing she had forgotten. First thing she did when she got into the base was taking a shower and then going here to eat. She had forgotten to go see both the labs and her avatar because she was hungry. No wonder no one else was here. " I-uh I forgot"

"How would you like to link into it for real? No simulation, only you and your avatar body?" Grace felt an involuntary smirk grow on her thin lips. She knew Awa would jump to the offer within a heartbeat and probably squeal the ears off her.

"Yes! Yes Yes Yes!!" Awa predictably screeched, rushing to her feet she threw her arms around the older woman. " Thank you thank you thank you!" She tightened her arms around the other woman as she continued to squeal loudly, she couldn't contain her excitement at finally being able to link to her true body. It had been too long since she was in it, simulation or not.

"First you need to finish your meal, then I will take you to then linking room"

...

The foamy insides of the linking unit welcomed her as she lied down, the gel like mattress forming around her body shape. She was trying to keep her breathing steady as they lowered the small see through thingy that she had forgot the name of. She hadn't paid a lot of attention to how the linking units worked, she focused on the more practical parts of it and left the technicalities to the technicians. They pulled down the outer part of the unit and closed it, initiating the link between her and her avatar body. Oh, she was so excited it was going to be hard to empty her mind.

"How's her brain activity looking?" One of the supervisors asked the man besides her, her body tense as it always was when a newbie used a real linking unit for the first time. They always made sure to give the most stable ones to the more inexperienced.

"She's doing good. More than good actually" The man responded, flicking through different settings as he looked at how her body and mind was reacting to the linking process. It had happened that some linking processes with newbies had failed, that either the human mind rejected the body or the body rejected the mind but there was no sign of that happening here. In fact this linking was possibly one of the smoothest transitions yet.

"Alright I'm going in" Grace announced to the people working in the room, not expecting any answers from her coworkers and they knew not to respond. She had her odd quirks and behaviours but the workers quickly adapted and they would almost call themselves Grace experts. "I'll see you on the other side" She told Awa who could not hear her.

Grace woke up in the large building the RDA had built to house the Avatar bodies when they were not being used. It had wooden walls that were at least double the height of their tallest avatar and lines of large beds that they could sleep on. There wasn't a door into the building, they used an almost slide door bar thingy that the avatar drivers would lock before going to sleep so that no one could harm or take the bodies.

She looked down on her body, appreciating the feeling of finally being able to be in her other body. She had been so busy lately that she hadn't had the chance to be free like this in a while. Her toned blue limbs were flexing as she took her first steps outside of the building. She was wearing basic training clothes that had been made just for her and all of her hair was braided into one single braid along with her tswin or as it was named in english, her queue. She had a few strands that were decorated with pearls hanging loose, framing her face.

Grace jogged over to the exit where she waited for Awa to step out in her new body. It wasn't long until the large door opened and a tall, toned body stepped outside. Grace studied the avatar with attentive eyes, she wanted to see if the avatar was satisfactory or if there was any faults with it.

Awa's face was a pretty blue with just the barest hint of purple in some spots with small bioluminescent dots that were placed along her face like freckles, most prominent just below her eyes and a small collection of them just above her left eye. Her eyes were just a little bit smaller than what the natives, only just. It seemed her DNA blended well with the Na'vi ones and produced an avatar very similar to the actual Na'vi. She had the typical feline shape on her eyes and a bright shade of gold, her pupils were a bit smaller than the typical Na'vi but only the natives would know the difference. Awa had high cheekbones and the protruding snout looking nose. Her ears were flickering back and forth as she tried to get used to her new body. Her hair they had decided to braid differently from how they usually do, probably based on the hairstyle Awa had chosen to wear every time she was in the simulation. It was braided into small braids that were decorated with some pears and golden strings.

Grace laughed slightly when Awa accidentally flicked her with her long tail, or she thought it was accidentally. She continued her observations, so far the face looked good with all the right proportions. The neck was long and graceful, she had strong shoulders and her upper body displayed the hidden strength that the Na'vi had. Her stomach was flat and her hips nicely shaped, no abnormalities there either. Her legs looked strong and well proportioned and carried the same kind of pattern of darker blue and light cyan. Conclusion? Awa had to have the best Avatar that Grace had ever seen.

"So what's the verdict, doc?" Awa laughed, she was much more confident in this body which she had spent hours upon hours in. It was a different feeling though to really be in her body and not just in a simulation. It felt good, it felt amazing even. She never wanted to leave.

"It'll do" Grace snickered, not wanting the girl to know how amazed she was of the avatar body. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present time chapter

"What are they?" He asked, trying his best not to flick them off him.

"Seeds from the sacred tree" Neytiri responded distracted, her eyes still focus on the plethora of Atokirina that were placing themselves on the male dreamwalker. This was a message direni0ctly from Eywa and she would not deny it, all her training from her mother, the tsahìk of the clan had taught her to never ignore signs from their goddess. "Very pure spirits"

"Uh huh" Jake muttered tensely, the woodsprite were all covering him by now. Neytiri was watching him fascinated, maybe this dreamwalker wasn't as bad as she originally thought. Still doesn't change that he technically isn't supposed to be there and that Tsu'tey would, as Awa puts it, flip out if he thought of Jake as a threat towards her. Not to mention the scolding she would receive from her parents.

But the atokirina are a sign from Eywa and she can't ignore that. She can't leave the dreamwalker here if he's sent from Eywa. Tsu'tey and all the others would simply have to come to understand.

The strange creatures floated away from Jake after a while of tense silence as the pair studied the phenomenon. "What was that all about?" It was just one of many strange things that had happened to him today, and he still hasn't found Awa or any clues on who she might be.

"Come" She responded, having made up her mind. She was going to do it, do what her training told her to. Jake had to be brought to her mother so she could tell Neytiri what needed to be done. "Come!" She repeated louder and grabbed his arm. It would be better if they could get to the hometree without running into Tsu'tey but it was unlikely.

"Where are we going?" He asked while the Na'vi before him started running down a small path surrounded by what he would call over grown mushrooms that glow in the dark. Jake touched several of the plants and watching in fascination as the parts he touched lit up in luminescent light. Jake noted that wherever his feet fell on the ground a small circle of blue would light up, it was unlike anything he had ever seen. "Are you taking me to see Awa?"

The two for some time in the strange forest. Depending on where Jake looked he could see different flora and as they made their way deeper into the forest the surrounding changed too. The color the plants and ground would lit up changed and the surrounding trees and plant life changed. He would never have found his way wherever they were going if Neytiri wasn't there guiding him. He wasn't ashamed to admit that he was lost.

Suddenly he lost his footing as a strange rope twisted around his ankle and he fell off the high branches that Neytiri was guiding him on and down on the ground with a heavy thud and a throaty groan. Neytiri heard his fall and turned around to check what was happening when she saw the rope on his legs that could only have been thrown by one of her own. Her money was on one of Tsu'tey's band of hunters. The male dreamwalker quickly pulls of the rope that had small weights attached to it and pulled himself to his feet. He pulled out his knife when he heard the thundering hooves of something.

Jake watched stunned as 4 Na'vi galloped through the terrain on their way to him, their bows drawn and ready to fire. He knew he couldn't get out of this alive unless a miracle happened. He was outnumbered and severely outgunned. It wasn't until the Na'vi had gotten closer to him that he noticed another Na'vi, a female, riding on the strange horse lookalike with the leader of the group. Thinking that his only option to escape the na'vi he turned around but there he was met by more na'vi. He was surrounded! And they were closing in on him, now he understood what Neytiri meant with the 'Go back'. The sound of the Na'vi communicating were deafening to his ears and he couldn't focus on anything. No matter where he ran or where he turned a Na'vi was there to block his path.

Neytiri jumped down to where Jake was cornered by her people, she needed to bring him to her mother. She needed her to see what she had seen and guide her. That wouldn't be possible if Tsu'tey or the other hunters hurt him.

Jake watched as Neytiri barked out something to her people and every muscle in his body tensed as one of them dismounted. It was the one with a passenger. The male Na'vi easily towered over all the others there and he looked back to the female still sitting on the creature. Jake saw him whispering something to her and with a flick of his tail against hers he turned back towards Jake and Neytiri. The male dreamwalker looked towards Neytiri for guidance but she only looked at the male that was marching towards them. Neytiri spoke to the male all the while moving around in front of Jake, her tail was swishing angrily from side to side.

His eyes flew to the female Na'vi that had yet to dismount as she did just that. With practised movements she dismounted the horse creature and turned towards them. Her features were guarded and her tail was calmly swaying from side to side. He noticed that she had five fingers whereas the other Na'vi only had four. Jake's eyes widened to a comical size, this must be Awa!

"Awa!" Jake called out, testing his luck. It could go two ways, Awa recognizing his clothing from Hell's Gate and talking the Na'vi out of potentially killing him, or she is not Awa and the Na'vi would get defensive and kill him on the spot. If only he had paid more attention during the weeks of training Grace gave him before this expedition.

"Do not talk to her" Neytiri spun around and snarled at the male dreamwalker she was protecting. It was bad enough they had been caught but it would only aggravate the already aggressive and defensive Tsu'tey and Neytiri was not sure she would be able to stop him.

Awa's POV

Awa walked towards her mate with determined steps, her facial features set in stones as to not give away what she was feeling. This wasn't what she was expecting when she joined the hunters for one of their normal hunts. She was expecting vicious attacks from different creatures but never that her friend would bring a dreamwalker into their inner circle. She knew what was at stake, what those people had done. Neytiri had to have a good explanation for this, she knew her friend and this was not her normal behaviour.

She knew that if she didn't go calm Tsu'tey down he would do something rash and possibly be punished for it. Something was different about this one and she would hate for Tsu'tey to be punished for doing something he was ordered to do. No humans were allowed here for a reason but Neytiri had made an exception and the only one who could settle this was the Tsahìk and Olo'eyktan.

The male dreamwalker had called out her name but she gave him none of her attention, she didn't associate with the drivers unless Grace brought them to her. The older female knew how Awa felt about the program and the RDA and her reluctance to be around them. The thing that worried her about the male calling her name was her mate who was already feeling defensive.

"Tsu'tey, come here" She asked or more like demanded in order to defuse the situation. She hoped her presence could bring the male Na'vi back from his protective mindset so he could be persuaded to take the dreamwalker alive and back to the leaders.

"No, he is not supposed to be here" Tsu'tey barked back at her, his back still turned towards his mate. "Go back to Khan" The name for the pa'li had been her idea from her first days in the clan, it was a clever pun from one of her favorite antique fictional characters. It was fun to reenact the classical Star Trek scene when screaming Khan's name.

"Neytiri thinks he is special, he will go to the Olo'eyktan" She insisted, now standing behind her mate, gently touching his tense back with her hands. She made a bold move, entwining their tails together. It was a display of affection she was not sure he would appreciate while trying to protect her and his clan from potential threats. "You can ask Rezi to tug at his tswin if it pleases you"

"Are you Awa?" The skyperson forced out. He was so on edge he could barely speak, Awa noted with a satisfied smirk, her chest slightly puffing out in pride, her tail entwined with Tsu'tey's held high. "I'm Jake, from Hell's gate."

Tsu'tey snarled at him, taking a warning step forward with ears flattened to his head. He did not appreciate this dreamwalker talking to his mate. They were not the same and he had no right to speak. "Do not speak to her" He refused to talk in english even though he was more than capable of it. He hated speaking english and only did so on special occasions with Awa. More than that he hated the sky people, and because of that the insult the foreigner made was even more grave.

"He tells you to not speak to her" Neytiri translated and Awa sent her a thankful smile, happy that she did not have to speak to the dreamwalker herself.

But Jake was not going to give up that easily now that they confirmed that this was indeed Awa. The only dreamwalker to ever have been fully accepted by the Omaticaya clan. He was suddenly feeling a little nervous of her, she was staring at him with venom in her eyes. Not what he expected a fellow human to do when they finally met. He also noted the way her and this other Na'vi were pressing against each other, tails twisting together, were she sleeping with him? "Awa! I was on an expedition with Dr Augustine, I got chased away from her. I'm lost" He tried again but the woman gave no signs of listening to him.

Meanwhile Awa was whispering things in Tsu'tey's ears, trying to convince her mate to let them bring the dreamwalker back to the hometree. It wasn't easy but finally he went along with it, waving a hand towards Rezi who hurried over to the pair.

"Yes?" The hunter asked, waiting for his order.

"Bring the human, you know what to do" Tsu'tey growled at the hunter, frustrated that he had to relent and he would no doubt be teased by Awa for it later. She found his anger issues amusing but as soon as he directed it towards her she would hiss at him and retaliate with something 100 times worse.

Rezi didn't want to admit it but he was a bit confused on what exactly it was that Tsu'tey wanted him to do to the dreamwalker. He sent a look towards Awa who tugged at her tswin to show what to do. The hunter sent a thankful grin to the huntress but then schooled his face into a neutral state, not wanting to deal with the imposing human any longer than he had to.

...

The trial of Jake had been short, if you could even call it a trial. It was more like a questioning and barely that. The tsahìk had in the end decided that he was going to be allowed to stay with the clan so he could learn how to see and so that the Na'vi could learn from him. Him being a warrior had intrigued them enough to spare his life and there were more people unhappy with the news than happy. Despite being the one that brought him to the clan Neytiri was not happy that her mother had declared her responsible for training the dreamwalker. She acted like a baby, stomping her feet, flickering her tail defiantly from side to side, she even resorted to whining. Something the proud huntress had not done this publicly in years.

Awa had wanted to skip going to the trial but Tsu'tey convinced her to, saying that she 'owed' him for what happened in the forest. She could agree that she owed him but the questioning was pure torture for her, she was torn in all sorts of directions, did she want him to have the same chance as she did or did she want him to go back to Hell's Gate? She didn't know yet and she suspected she wouldn't know unless she got to know the dreamwalker.

A soft tapping on her shoulder brought her out of her thoughts and back into the presence. The future would unravel the way it was all meant to be, Eywa would make sure of it.

"What troubles you?" Tsu'tey asked, his voice deep and slightly hoarse after the long day they've had. They finally had some time to relax together before it was time to go down for dinner. The cooks were most likely already preparing the dinner and Awa could feel her stomach growling in response.

"I have to go back to the base tomorrow" Awa muttered, her tail swishing around her in sadness. She really didn't want to go back but she was still employed by the RDA and they expected her to show up on a set schedule one a week to check in with them. It did pose some trouble in the beginning to actually perform tasks like paperwork after she was permanently bonded with her Na'vi body. It was a terrifying experience, until she passed through Eywa when it turned into an experience she would never forget. "Grace has asked me to help train some of the new dreamwalkers, Jake Sully was supposed to be one of them but now Neytiri will be responsible for his training" Awa would be lying if she said she wasn't even a bit pleased by how it turned out, she was glad that she wasn't going to be the one training the dreamwalker. She would gladly leave that to the older huntress.

"I wish you did not have to go back to those humans" Her mate spat out the last part, his face screwing up in disgust. His ear flickered backwards as he remembers when a human bullet had taken a piece of it off. The warrior had always despised the humans that invaded his planet but the incident with the school had only deepened the hate he felt. "You are one of us no, why do you still go to them?"

"Because of Grace, the blame for what I've done will land on her and I don't want to see her punished for my sins. She's my best friend Tsu'tey, I can't let them hurt her" Awa responded, her heart aching for the friend she didn't see as much anymore. The one that made all this possible, the one that led her to her mate. She owed everything to Grace and going to the base once every week was a small price to pay for the love she got out of it. " I can protect myself."

"I know you can but I can't stop worrying about you when you go there. They can't be trusted, I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to you" Tsu'tey grabbed her hand and pulled her back into his warm embrace, her hair resting comfortably on his muscular chest.

"I love you" Awa told the Na'vi holding her with a sleepy grin on her face. "I want to sleep now, save some food for me"

"I love you too, Awa" Tsu'tey responded in english, stroking a hand tenderly down Awa's arm before leaving the hammock they shared. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Past time chapter

The next two weeks consisted of Awa being awoken at the crack of dawn to begin her training and going to sleep well into the night. While the woman was used to controlling a body in a simulator it was very different from being inside the real body. The feelings she had while in simulation only grew when she finally got to spend time inside the Avatar body, the feeling of her finally being in her real body. While her overall control of the body was above average her movements were still a bit clumsy and unsure, something that Grace quite literally beat out of her by the end of the the first week. The second week it was Awa beating the shit out of herself when she started doing more advanced and real things that were outside of the base perimeter.

During her training she used every piece of equipment provided by the base and when that grew boring for her she started going into the actual jungle with Grace's approval of course. That was when things started getting interesting. She would sometimes catch small glimpses of cyan and blues lurking in the jungle but she wrote it down to her own imagination. She doubted the Na'vi would have any interest in her or whatever she was doing. The Omaticaya wanted nothing to do with the sky people she came with.

After about 2 and a half weeks Grace was feeling confident enough in Awa's abilities that she authorized them to go on a little tour all alone in the jungle a little bit away from the immediate Hell's Gate area. The two were making small talk as they ventured deeper and deeper into the forest, the footprint of humans slowly disappearing and the true nature of Pandora showing its glory.

"Where are we going?" Awa asked her mentor while tugging at the uncomfortable clothes they had forced her to wear for the trip. She didn't like the constricting feeling of the cloths against her skin, she knew she was acting like a spoilt child but she thought she would at least have some say over her outfits. Not only that but it was getting hot and she would rather walk naked than wear those worthless pieces of clothing. They've been walking for quite some time now and she could see the barest hints of a trail far up ahead.

"You'll see" Was Grace's cryptic response as she trudgen on ahead of her student, not wanting to be around the area longer than she had to. Too many bad memories, she thought to herself, so much pain. The jungle hadn't recovered from the old trauma yet, if you knew where to look you could still see the marks from the heavy suits the soldiers wore, the discarded arrows that belonged to a child's bow and bullet holes in trees and thick plants. The jungle hadn't forgotten and neither had Grace. She doubted she ever would, she felt so guilty and so responsible for what happened and she would never forgive herself. "We're almost there"

Awa didn't reply, knowing that Grace expected none, and instead focused on her surroundings. Grace had given her a short lecture on always staying alert and the importance of constant vigilance. She hadn't had a lot of practical training on it yet but she trusted her instincts, they had never failed her before. Except for that one time playing tags that she ended up losing. She couldn't see anything potentially dangerous lurking in the shadows but she knew that if she let down her guard she would be surprised, foolishness was not allowed on Pandora. Especially not foolishness from the dreamwalkers that didn't have those neat instincts, training or embedded knowledge that the Na'vi had.

After a few more minutes of careful walking the two reached an abandoned wooden building that was surrounded by overgrown plants and trees. At one point a tree had actually grown straight through one of the walls of the small building. Awa wondered what it used to be for, it didn't look like it belonged there. The wooden structures stood out like a sore thumb, no, no Na'vi did this. That meant that a human did and the only human she knew that would do something like this was Grace.

"Did you build this?" She asks, cursing herself for her slow thinking. Of course Grace brought her here because she built the place, her mentor wouldn't drag her into the unknown and just stumble upon a building that just happened to have been made by humans. No, this trip was planned, she only wondered why.

"Yes, I suppose you could say that" Grace muttered, stroking a hand down an old wooden pole that Awa guessed used to be used as a flag pole or something like that. "There's a lot of bad memories here, watch your steps"

Memories huh, the younger woman mused to herself. The place looked daunting, the walls had large holes in them, the door had been knocked off the hinges and was covered in bullet holes. Was this a school? Why would someone do this to a school?!, she cried in her head. Abandoned toys lied on the floor, some with the stuffing partially ripped out and some intact and whole.

Awa picked one of the impact toys up, spinning the small rabbit in her hands. The toy looked big in her hands, the ends flowing over them. This was no toy that would ever be given to a human child, that must mean that this was a school for Na'vi children. She threw the stuffed animal to the ground like it burnt her, she didn't want to see it before but now she did. It was as if this whole place was painted in blood, the bullet holes, the broken down building, it all made sense now. The sheer cruelty of the humans she walked amongst surprised her, why would they attack innocent children? Especially in a place like this.

Her vision goes black and then suddenly light burst from every direction. She placed a hand over her eyes to shield them from the bright light that seemingly came from nowhere. "What's happening?" She asked but received no answer. She turned around but the white light covered it all, she couldn't see anything except for it.

Several giggles grew out of the light and she desperately turned in every direction while trying to find it but it was in vain, she couldn't see anything. The giggles continued and small splotches of brown grew out of the light. A feminine chuckle joined in with the childish giggle and with it the room returned. Only it wasn't the same room, or it was but it was whole again. The toys were neatly packed in a container, the tables were stacked up in rows and the building was whole. There were no overgrown plants reaching through holes in the ceiling and walls, no bullet holes in the door or walls. Hurried footsteps reached her ears and with that the figures within the room suddenly appeared. Several Na'vi children of different ages all sat in different spots in the small room, all doing different things but having a good time.

The steps came closer and Awa turned towards the door, her body tensed and crouched into a defensive pose. Whatever came through that door would not get her without a fight. The door flew upon and a few older children rushed inside. They were panicking, their eyes wide with fear and their bodies shaking with anxiety. What was happening?

The seemingly oldest one tried to shut the door but was met with bullets, bullets that flew right through her. The world seemed to stop for a minute while the shot Na'vi fell to the ground, desperately gurgling for air as she was slowly drowning. Then when the gurgling stopped the world started again, screams pierced her ears, both grown ones and child ones. Awa watched the scene stunned as two armed humans walked inside the room, their guns already pulled and ready to shoot.

She rushed forward when she saw the leader slowly pull the trigger, Awa wouldn't let them hurt the children. She stopped in front of the gun but the man looked right through her, it was as if she wasn't there. The gun fired and all other sounds drowned away as all Awa could hear was the deafening boom the gun gave away as it fired the bullets that would kill her. She shut her eyes with a small smile on her face, at least the children would get out alive.

As soon as she shut her eyes it all went white again, the scene faded into nothingness and the last thing she could see was the men firing upon small groups of children that huddled together in corners. The last thing that left her was the sound, the dying sounds of the children and the terrified screams of those that saw it. She watch stunned, frozen in shock.

She blinked again and she was back in the abandoned building with Grace, it all looked the same except this version was much more horrifying. Here she could see the evidence of what had happened to the children, she wondered how long it took until the worried parents found the dead bodies of their children. She imagined how loud their sorrows were and how burning the hate inside of them was.

"Why did they do it?" Awa mustered up the courage to ask her mentor, her eyes brimming with tears she prayed would not fall and shaking hands that vibrated with every heartbeat. She was pulsing with shame and repulsion, it was no wonder that the Na'vi hated the humans. "Grace answer me! Why did they do it!" She screamed, her emotions overflowing. Her tail was deathly still and her ears flattened against her skull. In her emotional suffering her body instinctively curled into herself, making her slightly hunched over as she cradled her stomach.

Grace who had previously been lost in her bittersweet memories as she walked among the hall she used to teach in, envisioning the children she used to educate, turned around swiftly. Her tail knocking over a vase on the only standing table in the room. "I don't want to talk about it"

Awa wouldn't accept that for an answer and grabbed the older woman by the arms, frantically shaking her as her emotions got the better of her. The bad memories of this place affected her even if she wasn't there to experience it. Tears were now flowing freely down her cheeks and small sobs was bubbling in her throat. "Grace tell me! I need to know what happened here"

Grace turned her head away from the younger dreamwalker with a sigh, her own eyes filled with tears. No, she would never forget and neither would Awa after she found out what happened. She would never forgive and never forget, the suffering the RDA caused the Omaticaya would never be forgotten by Awa. "It was a school, a school a couple of other dreamwalkers and I ran" She began, preparing herself for the emotional toll the story would take on her. "The kids learnt faster than we could teach but that didn't stop us. One day a couple of the kids ran here to seek cover from the RDA. They had set a bulldozer on fire, they killed them over a goddam bulldozer! They shot some of the kids but I managed to get most of them out, the kids never returned after that day. Today is the anniversary of it" By the end of the story she too was crying with Awa, the tears couldn't stop coming as both women felt waves of shame overcome them. Shame for allowing it to happen, shame for not stopping it and shame for belonging to the same race as those that massacred the pure souls that used to view this as a safe place. They had trusted her and she let them down.

Awa broke the embrace and turned her back on the hurting woman, she needed to think. Alone. This was making her head spin in a bad way , she needed to get away from all the bad energies. "I-uh I'll be back soon. I need to think" She rushed out while sprinting out of the small building. Even thinking about it made her want to puke, to murder innocent children because they were defending their home was beyond sick. And to get no punishment for it is even worse. She couldn't believe this was the kind of people she was working for.

She didn't run for long untill she collapsed on the ground in a fit of sorrow. She had never experienced feelings as strong as these, maybe it came with the body. She's heard that some races felt feelings more strongly than humans, could the Na'vi be one of them? She couldn't understand how someone could do this, how could someone just slaughter innocent people, how could someone slaughter defenseless kids.

Oh god, the scene was ingrained into her mind, everytime she blinked she saw the bullet holes in the door, the turned tables and discarded toys. She couldn't forget the old bloodstains that painted the building red. How could they live with all that blood on their hands? She could barely cope and she had only stepped inside of it for minutes. She usually wasn't this emotional but she had never been able to handle things like this. Back on earth she would sob uncontrollably every time someone mentioned child abuse or any other kind of 'unjustified' violence. Awa had always been a very empathic being and the deep connection she had to the planet and the inhabitants only made it worse. She vowed to never step foot in that dreaded place again.

"Why are you crying, young one?" A soothing voice asked, it placed a frail hand on her shoulder and pulled her into a strong chest. Awa didn't resist and let herself be cuddled, she needed the physical reassurance that it would all be okay.

"I saw a bad thing and I couldn't stop it" She sobbed, a combination of her salty tears and snot wet the kind creature's chest. "I can't believe they did something like that to them!" The pure pain inside of her was breaking her down, it was eating her alive. The scene was so horrifying and Grace confirming it was even worse. She didn't know how she could live with having seen that.

"What did you see, child?" The creature mumbled, stroking a hand down her hair. " Tell me what causes you sorrow and I will help you"

Stunned by the kindness of the stranger she forced her eyes up from the comforting cyan chest and up to the Na'vi's face. He looked old, the roots of his hair was colored with white and gray but his eyes looked young and yet so full of wisdom. "I was in the school and I could sense something was wrong before setting a foot inside there" She confessed with tears still flowing steadily down her cheeks. Already the burden seemed to get lighter as she confided in the kind stranger. "Then something strange happened, I got some kind of vision. Oh it was terrible!" She burst back into heavy sobs, the mere thoughts of it eliminating any progress they had made.

"You had a vision? What kind of vision?" The Na'vi urged, lifting her cheek so that she would look him into his wise eyes, "I can't help you if you won't tell me what's wrong."

"It was some kind of vision of the past, I could see the children playing with their toys and then it all changed. Children no older than 11 came rushing through the door, they were terrified of something, I could see it in their eyes, they were filled with pure fear. I wanted to help them but I was stuck in my place, I couldn't save them." The more she spoke to him the lighter her heart felt, it was unfair of her to dump it all on the stranger but she needed the support he was offering. She wouldn't be able to handle it all on her own. He gestured for her to continue and she did so after taking a deep breath and wiping some of the tears off her cheeks. "The oldest one got shot and after that chaos broke out, everyone was screaming and running around. Except for me, I couldn't do anything. I remember feeling so trapped, so helpless. I was drowning in my emotions and no matter how much I tried I couldn't cry out, I couldn't do anything. Then the men rushed in, the humans that shot the child. They had their guns drawn and-and" Awa stuttered, not being able to tell the story through the tears that had now started falling again. It was like she was reliving it all over again. The confusion over the vision didn't help, it only added to the overload of feelings, some of which she suspected wasn't her own.

"And then you woke up?" He connected the dots, nodding his head slightly as he thought. "The past can not be changed Awa. You couldn't have helped them, there was nothing you could do. You're strong, you'll get through it" He assured her while rocking her back and forth while murmuring small words of reassurement and soothing.

It took awhile but she finally calmed down, her tears had dried and her chest no longer hurt from all the sobs her body forced her through. She finally felt like she could breathe again, like the heavy burden of the memories weren't suffocating her anymore. It was only when she looked up at the sky again that she noticed how dark it had gotten and she rushed to her feet. "I'm so sorry but I have to go. Grace is gonna kill me for this! Thank you so much for this, I'll never forget it"

“I’ll see you soon Awa” He whispered after she had left the clearing. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present time chapter

Welcome back to the land of the humans, Awa" Grace grinned when the Na'vi approached her. They had devised a mask for her so that she would be able to breathe the air inside of the base. Awa thought she looked ridiculous with it on but it was something she had to do. She was just happy she didn't have to change her clothes before coming back, the humans seemed to have a problem with the outfit choices the Na'vi had.

"It's not good to be back I must say, Grace. I'd much rather stay cuddled up with Tsu'tey" Awa grinned back with a shake of her head, making her braids shake with the motion and the decorational pearls cling and click against each other. "You know damn well I only come here for you"

"Say what you want but I think you enjoy training these skxawngs once every week" Grace chuckled and gestured to the lined up dreamwalkers that stood behind her, all of them displaying the typical nervous signs like eyes averted to the ground, their tail either laying stiff or snaked around their leg, and ear flickering back and forth. They all wore the avatar sized human clothes that the RDA liked so much; a t-shirt, shorts and a pair of shoes. Awa snorted, whatever would they need those for. They all also had the same default braid that all of the Avatars had with Awa's being the only exception. Of course she never considered it an Avatar body or a replica of a Na'vi one, she had always regarded it as her true body and therefore refused to wear the braid like that.

"You know you'd drop this in the blink of an eye if the clan asked you to join us" Awa responded, tearing her eyes away from the humans she had no doubt would piss themselves if she continued to observe them. And Grace thought her batch was weak when they first came here, she thought to herself, reminiscing about the past. She shouldn't be so hard on them though, she was just as nervous her first time being in her new body, even though she had spent most of her actual training in the simulator. She quickly got over all that though, both with the help of Grace and her vigorous training and her Na'vi clan. She owed everything she had and am to them. Eternally in their debt and an eternity of gratitude for the Na'vi to have overlooked her past and instead looked at her as a person. Awa suspected her ability might have helped her a bit but she was quickly accepted into the clan as one of the people, and before long she had completed her training and was considered an adult by them. Her bow made from the hometree hung on her back, it was light but she knew it was there, ready to defend her. "So what are the plans for today?"

"First of all these drivers don't know na'vi as good as you and I so we need to speak english" Grace begun, her voice strong and with the usual cold tone in it. The older woman was in a business mode or as Awa liked to call it a Grace mood. Grace was simply being Grace, teaching the only way she could, she never lost the harsh words or cold tone until she was certain the driver would survive. Grace had learnt the hard way to not form attachments to people that may not survive their first week, luckily for Awa, Grace had made an exception for her.

"Let's get right to it then, no time to lose. I've got a hunt to catch in 3 hours, chop chop kiddos!"Awa marched up to the lined up drivers and barked out the order with an authoritative tone in her voice. This wasn't her rodeo and definitely not her last. "How many hours did you have in simulation? You begin" She point at the dreamwalker in the middle, she had developed a bit of an accent from only speaking na'vi and the occasional phrase in english. Good, she thought to herself when the newbie began physically shaking from nervosity and fright, they need to get over this quickly or Pandora will eat them alive.

"200 hours" The girl whispered, her cheeks turning into a darker shade of cyan as she twisted her hands together.

"Awa" Awa corrected with a cold tone, she wasn't here to be their friend and they had to understand that. Her job was to once a week come to base and train the drivers to better use their avatar bodies. The rest of the training was taken care of by Grace, which Awa appreciated a lot because that meant that she could spend all that other time with her mate and clan. She hoped that she would soon be able to quit all together. "My name is Awa and you will address me as such"

"Yes, Awa" They chorused, all intimidated by the ex dreamwalker in front of them. When Grace had told them that an old student of hers was going to teach them they had expected a dream walker just like them, imagine their surprise when the Na'vi walked up to them, dressed in Na'vi clothes and her hair decorated in traditional Omaticayan braids and pearls. They hadn't expected this Na'vi that was so intimidating to them that they could barely speak. They could only imagine how it would be to meet a native Na'vi if they thought Awa looked wild and strong. Stronger than they could ever be, more graceful than they could ever dream of and they could see that she was thriving in the Pandora climate and with the clan.

"Good" She nodded, her tail was swishing from side to side as she walked along the line, inspecting all of the dream walkers. Their movements were all clumsy, their steps unsure and they didn't have any control over their tail or ears. They were too human. Awa never felt human so for her it was easy to adapt but these ones didn't feel the same as her, it was glaringly obvious. If they wanted to as efficiently as possible use these bodies, because that's all they saw them as, just extra bodies, they had to learn how to use it like a Na'vi. And Awa was the best to teach them that, being a part of a Na'vi clan and all that. It would be hard training these but she could do it. " Now you, how many hours?"

The questioning continued until the last one had informed her of their hours spent in simulator, most of them being below 300 hours. Lazy, she spat in her head. "What training do you have planned today?" She asked the woman behind her without turning around. She was still circling the newbies, she wanted to see how long it would take until her movements stopped making them nervous. She needed them to stop being nervous over everything and instead build confidence, because on Pandora you either learn or die, as her old trainer used to tell her.

"They're still not used to their bodies, they can't run fast or jump high. I've only taken them on small walks and some basic climbing in the training yard" Grace chuckled, tugging a hand along her braid.

"Today we're going to go through that obstacle course over there. Don't look at me like that, that's a baby course compared to the real thing, you should be glad I'm not giving you the Na'vi training." Awa snorted at the scared looks they sent her, the course wasn't big at all or high up. It was a course that a baby Na'vi would easy walk through without any trouble, these drivers on the other hand would fall more than a thousand times. After a while they would get through it with smooth movements and decent speed but until then that is what they'll be doing. "Don't be scared to fall because you will fall. Over and over again, and then after a while you won't and the bruises will be but a faded memory."

She lunged at one of them to test their reflexes and just as she expected they all jumped out of their skin. Another thing to fix, they couldn’t be so obvious with their fear, and most of all she had to teach them how to overcome that instinct of fear that would without a doubt make them freeze and die.

"Begin!" She barked out when the group just continued to stare at her with their mouth almost touching the ground.

The avatars almost fell on their faces in their hurry to get away and to the obstacle course, making Awa burst out laughing at the scene. "They're even more clumsy than that Jake you lost in the forest"

...

"I'm exhausted" Awa complained as she plopped down on the branch a short distance away from the actual base fences. "It's been awhile since they were that annoying"

"You made progress, you should be proud, child. You have more patience than many in the clan, even the ones in care of the youngest children" Her old mentor joker with a grin on his face. Her having patience with people was the furthest thing possible from the truth, she had almost no patience whatsoever with people and he knew it. "I particularly enjoyed the lecture you gave the short one after they refused to jump from the ledge"

"Ha, ha, you're so funny. They need to learn to trust their instincts and their bodies or they'll never survive." She defended herself even though the older Na'vi had meant it only as a joke. Awa is a very defensive person, she can't help it. "It's not like I can throw them down trees like you did to me, or leave me alone in the middle of nowhere and expecting me to find my way home in an hour"

"Good times" Atxa sighed with a smile on his face. "I remember when we first got you and you were like a baby pa'li taking its first steps. You were my best student, and my last"

Awa let out an aw and threw her arms around her former trainer. They had so much good memories together and he was her first real friend. She would always love the older Na'vi, he held a special part in her heart that no one could replace. "I love you too you old man. Now why are you here? I thought you and Tsu'tey was preparing for the hunt."

He perked up at the 'hunt' part of her sentence, no matter how old he got he still loved hunting as much as he did as a youngling. "First of all who said anything about love, second of all he's waiting for us with the other hunters back at the hometree."

"Then what are we waiting for, old man" Awa laughed and pushed herself down from the high branch and rushed in the direction of the hometree with Atxa on her heels. "Last one there has to serve the other tonight"


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past time chapter

It took me a few days before I could face Grace again, I knew what happened at the school wasn't her fault but a part of me just couldn't stand to see hers or any other RDA member's face. Not only did I need to process what I saw but I also needed to think about what actually happened to me. The old Na'vi told me I had a vision of the past, a gift from Eywa he called it. It didn't feel like a gift, it felt more like a curse. I didn't want to see little children being massacred, and only Eywa knows what else would trigger my visions.

When I finally ran into Grace again I threw my arms around her and sobbed, after my isolation I realised that what I really needed was some physical comfort and soothing words. This wasn't something I could get through on my own.

"Where have you been, kid?" Grace had muttered into my hair after she returned the hug. "You worried me when you ran off like that, almost had to bring Quaritch on you to bring you back."

"I met someone out there, a Na'vi. His name is Atxa, he's really old." Awa confessed with slightly reddened cheeks from her violent sobbing. She considered herself very lucky that a Na'vi had chosen to show himself to her and talk to her. He was kind to her, soothing her worries and reassuring her that it's okay and that she couldn't have possible changed what she saw.

"A Na'vi spoke to you?" Grace asked surprised, out of all the things she expected Awa to have run into in the forest a Na'vi wasn't one of them. Especially an old one.

"Yes" Awa confirmed with a proud look on her face. "I talked to a Na'vi"

"That's surprising, usually they won't reveal themselves to us and if they do it's usually not for good reasons. Relations between the Na'vi and us get worse by the years and that idiot Selfridge is only making it worse." Grace cursed the man in both english and na'vi. She truly hated that man, more than she hated anything else. God help them if the Na'vi actually decide to fight back against what they're doing, the little attacks they have on bulldozers and stray humans are nothing. "I don't remember an Atxa"

"He's really old so I doubt he went to your school, Grace" Awa retorted with a playful grin. "Though I suppose he could have been one of your students, just look at how old you've gotten"

"Excuse you young lady, I am not old." Grace grinned back, not taking offense of the playful words. "Guess you're one of the only people here who've had any interaction with the natives since the school closed" She continued sadly, lost in her memories again. Closing down that school broke her, Awa remarked, having to be degraded from a friend of the Omaticaya to an enemy must be so difficult for her. To be associated with the same kind of people that massacre their people can't be easy.

"You'll see them one day again Grace, I promise you that."Awa swore, holding above her heart and a slightly bowed head. That's the least Grace deserves for all she's done for Awa. She could only imagine the hurt the older woman carried around within her, and to have to look at the person who ordered that attack everyday is something Awa didn't think she could handle. No, Grace was a strong woman. Awa wished she would someday be as strong as her. "Now I need to go train and you need to go stare at some samples."

"There's no other drivers out there right now so you'll have the whole place to yourself" Grace told the other woman with a quick wink before she walked away, leaving Awa standing in the empty corridor by herself.

She shrugged and then walked to the linking room and quickly linked to her Na'vi body after saying her hellos to the workers there. The most underrated people in the whole RDA was the linking technicians, without them this wouldn't be possible. She'd have to remember to bake them a cake or something.

Awa cleared her mind and then she woke up in her other body. She stretched out her limbs with a big yawn before jumping out of the uncomfortable bed she had woken up in. The beds in the sleeping shack was lumpy and hard, not the good kind of hard but like a rock hard hard. She couldn't remember how many times she woke up with a sore back because of it, and a sore back was never a good thing to have on Pandora if you were a newbie like her.

She walked out of the building, still stretching her arms and rolling her neck to get out all of that stiffness from the long nights rest. A few loud cracks from her neck and elbows later and she was good to go. The dreamwalker switched between jogging and sprinting as she made her way over to the obstacle course that she had yet to actually finish without either falling to her face or make overly cautious moves that would get her killed in the forest/ jungle out there.

She climbed up on the first ledge and stared down at the ground that was so far away from where she was standing that she could feel a slight tingle in her toes that stretched up to her fingertips. Her tail was swishing in small movements along the ground, showing her nervousness loud and clear. "I can do this" She told herself after a long period of silence consisting of her staring at the ground and breathing louder than a woman just before the first push when giving birth. It was embarrassing really.

"It won't get any easier just because you stare at it, if anything the longer you doubt yourself the longer it will take until you can do it. It's all in your head, Awa, you need to trust that your body can do it or it can't." A familiar voice scolded her playfully. Scrawled out on a branch in the tree nearest the high fence of the Avatar yard was Atxa. His arm was hanging lazily over the side of the branch along with his tail. "How many times have you fallen down that same hole?"

"I don't want to talk about it" Awa muttered, shame and embarrassment bubbling up inside of her. She was well aware that she should trust her body but it wasn't that easy, her insecurities won each time. "I'll get it this time"

She crouched down slightly and then she jumped, pushing hard from the small ledge and then she was airborne. It felt like time was slowing down but she knew it was just her mind playing tricks on her. She could see her coming closer to her goal, her arms and legs twisting and turning in all directions, and then she was falling and time went back to its normal pace. She fell to the ground with a large thump and she let out a loud groan. She didn't make it this time either, but she was closer than most times she's failed.

"I told you it wouldn't work." The Na'vi sing sang from his place in the tree, a smirk on his lips and playfulness glinting in his eye. He was enjoying this, she noted. "Now usually I don't talk with sky people like you but you're special so I will give you this offer only once. Do you hear me Awa? Only once and if you say no then I'm gone but if you say yes you have to do your best at all time. Failure, as you know, isn't an option"

Awa sprang to her feet with a surprised look on her face, he was offering her something? "What is the offer?" She ask curiously as she looked up at the Na'vi still lying on the branch a small distance away.

"You have to come here to hear it" He informed her and then sat up. She would have to prove that she was willing to trust herself and willing to change before he made the official offer. "Prove to me that you're worthy of that body you're in" He continued, pointing with a small stick at her figure.

Awa growled slightly at the words, of course she was worthy of the body, she's earned it. She's made more sacrifices to be in her true body than most could understand and now this Na'vi was questioning it all? Who does he think he is? She growled in her head.

Atxa beckoned her to come to him with a hand, almost daring her to do it. Awa looked at him, calculating the best way to get to him. She would have to make the jump he had seen her fail then another one and then she would have to jump to the highest part of the fence. Then a short drop waited her and lastly she would have to climb up the tall thick tree. No biggie, she tried to convince herself.

"Here we go!" She exclaimed as she positioned herself to make the jump once again. Her thighs tensed in preparation, she squared her shoulders and then she pushed herself to make the jump. Her strong muscles propelled her into the air and she looked down stunned at how high she had jumped this time, time slowed again and she was briefly worried that she was going to fall down again but then her feet touched the hard cemented ledge opposite of the one she jumped from.

She turned around to face the Na'vi ,while making a small victory dance consisting of awkward jumping and fistpumping th eair, who sarcastically clapped his hands at her jump. "What are you waiting for? Make the other jump, that jump is nothing compared to what you will face later, celebrate your victory only after you're safe."

She pouted slightly but quickly stopped after she realised how childish she was behaving, as soon as she got a challenge she backed down and then pouted at her failure that was really her own fault. She's had a small victory but she isn't done yet so she shouldn't be celebrating.

Awa took a deep breath and then made the second jump, flying over it as easily as the first one. She was beaming by now, the feeling of success fueling her next jump to the highest part of the fence. It felt like she was flying, and then all of a sudden she was losing height and she desperately stretched out a hand to try and grab the fence. She managed to grab the fence, her hands holding on to the thing pieces of wood and metal.

The woman placed her forehead against the fence and sighed, her whole body was still tingling from the near fall and she doubted it would stop for some time.

"You're very close now. Don't give up" Atxa urged her when he saw that she stopped moving for a few minutes. He didn't want her adrenaline to wear off because then her insecurities would come back and she would never make it to where he was. He would of course still offer his services even if she didn't make it all the way, she had proven enough, but he wanted to see if she would push herself this last bit.

With newfound strength she pulled herself up to the top of the fence, her muscles flexing with each movement and her breath coming out in short pants. She was going to make it! She cheered in her own head. She was almost there!

She let herself fall down on the other side of the fence and then stood up again. Now she only needed to climb the tree, something she was confident that she could do, she's climbed a ton of trees in her youth and on Pandora.

It took her about 5 minutes to reach the branch he was now sitting up on. She was feeling the exhaustion catching up to her, her last pulls lacking the same precision and strength as the previous one. She plopped down besides the Na'vi with labored breathing and shaking limbs. The workout had taken more out of her than she had expected.

"I'm here now" She whispered to him in between pants, her voice was weak because of what she just did. "What's the offer?"

"I'm offering to train you" Atxa grinned, proud that she had made it to him. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present time chapter

The group of hunters and Awa made their way across the training area atop their pa'lis, it was hunting day for them. The Na'vi hunters and warriors took turns on hunting, the groups were changing with each round. It was crucial that everyone could work and trust each other.

Khan was being particularly difficult today, he ran away from Awa when she tried to collect him before the hunt and he struggled during tsaheylu. Awa wasn't deterred, though, she had known the pa'li since he was a small colt and she knew that this was probably just him being rebellious. He very much like a child, or a rebellious teenager, and she had a ton of experience with those little devils.

"Come on Khan, don't be difficult. You love hunting!" She tried to convince her stubborn steed after he once again tried to rebel against her directions. "I'll even let you stay with your precious lady friend if you promise to be good"

The horse-like animal snorted in agreement and slowly all the defiance in him melted away and he became the kind and gentle pa'li that she loved. She rubbed a hand down his long neck and down a little part of his front legs. Awa then reached down into the small saddle bag she always insisted on bringing wherever she went. 'You never know when you might need something in here' she would always tell those that didn't want her to bring it. She took one small cube of Pandora's version of a sugar cube and gently reached forward and gave it to him. "Good boy" She whispered with a fond smile.

"You spoil him too much" Tsu'tey commented with a disapproving look on his face as he steered his pa'li, Nì'itan, closer to his bonded mate and pa'li. His direhorse was very possessive of her rider and once in the beginning before she got used to Awa she actually grabbed her and dragged her away. Now she usually only huffs and glares at the female Na'vi but nothing physical. She was a total sweetheart towards Tsu'tey, who was the only one that could ever make tsaheylu with her.

"I'm still training him, besides you spoil Nì'itan way more than I spoil Khan. Don't think I haven't seen you give her treats without reason" Awa retorted with a pointed look with a slight scolding tone in her voice. "You're a hypocrite, Tsu'tey"

The rest of the hunters chuckled when they overheard the conversation, no hunt could ever be boring when the both of them were there together. There was no way that they would not end up bickering or arguing. Sometimes they would prank their fellow hunters with either walking off without telling them or staging a big fight. Of course they were very serious when the actual hunting began but they liked to have a little fun before to keep the spirits up. None of them enjoyed the killing part of it, more of the stalking part and everything that leads up to the killing of the animal.

"If he's not spoiled then why does he behave like that? That's right, because he knows he will get treats if he stops" Tsu'tey contered with a smug look on his face and a small head tilt, making his hair fall over one side of his shoulder and the teeth in his necklace clink together.

"You know nothing, Tsu'tey te Rongloa Ateyitan" She joked and smacked her lips together. She and Khan both trotted away from the grinning male who eagerly followed her with a faux war cry. The rest of the hunters and coincidentally the same students that were present during the capturing of jake all urged their pa'lis to catch up with their leaders who already had gained quite a distance even with the slow trotting.

...

"What will we hunt today, teacher?" One of the more outgoing students asked Tsu'tey with a strong voice. The students needed to prove themselves all the steps of the way during their training. Tsu'tey's younger brother Arvok was one of the students that weren't as outgoing or brave as the others and often fell behind on things like this. He still couldn't draw his bow properly and he wasn't near making a clean kill.

"Awa?" Her mate directed the question over to her with a small shrug aimed at his student. She had been acting a little off ever since they had captured the dreamwalker and Tsu'tey didn't like it. It was bad enough that the dreamwalker was actually actively seeking out his mate despite everyone telling him to back off but that he had affected her like this made his blood boil. If Awa wasn't happy then Tsu'tey wasn't happy.

"Hm?" She asked distracted, she was staring into the forest with unfocused eyes. She shook her head and brought her head around to face the group of Na'vi students and hunters who all stared questionly at her, their eyes wide and curious. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"They asked what we're going to hunt, I told them to ask you. It's your turn to pick" Tsu'tey reminded her with a frown on his face, next time he sees Jake he was going to beat him to a pulp. Him and all those other skypeople who wouldn't leave her alone, she had gone through enough because of them. She still woke up crying in the middle of the night because of the things they did to her on the base. He sometimes caught her stroking a finger down certain places on her arms and legs where she on her human body used to have thick and gnarly scars. "Are you sure you're okay?" He leaned closer to her and whispered, tucking a braid behind her ear and pressing their foreheads together. His ears laid flat against his head in worry and he didn't care that his friends and students were still staring at him.

He was usually a very reserved person when it came to PDA and so was Awa but they weren't against holding hands or cuddling up against each other if they were in public. It wasn’t unusual either to see Awa sitting on his lap or her being given a piggy back ride. When they were alone was a whole different story. Now on the other hand he had to somehow comfort her and the only way he knew how was to hold her and prove physical comfort and soothing words. He couldn’t be as caring and open with her as he wanted to at the moment because of the watching eyes. He would do all he could to make her feel better later, maybe take their Ikrans for a flight, she loved flying. Worry bubbled up within him when she didn’t respond or showed any signs of having heard him, maybe she was having a vision again.

"I'm fine, it's just... we'll talk about it later. I'm fine now, I promise" She answered with a soft smile, honesty shining in her eyes and lacing her voice. She was fine now, she often got these moments where she got really down and even though Tsu'tey was used to it by now it unnerved and scared him all the same. " Why don't we hunt some yerik (hexapede), that way we bring back nice meat and your students get some extra training"

Tsu'tey nodded and gave her a short peck on her lips before sitting tall in his seat again. "What are you looking at?!" He barked at his students who all scrambled up in their seats, trying to make it seem as if they hadn't been observing the affectionate moment the bonded pair had. "You should already be searching for yerik tracks, if you keep staring like that you will never get a bonding mate of your own."

The students all rushed in different directions, probably scaring off any yeriks in the area but they were all desperate to please their teacher. They had been in training long enough that they had to be able to search for tracks themselves and then send a signal to any of the hunters that were supervising them.

"When do you have to go back to Hell's Gate?" The warrior asked his mate with a sigh, he knew that she couldn't handle working for the RDA anymore but he understood that it wasn't easy quitting. They would without a doubt kill her next time they saw her and possibly do something to hurt Grace.

"Not for another week, I'm going to bring up the idea of quitting with Grace. I can't deal with all that and I can't be in that place without seeing and hearing what they did to me."Awa confessed to her mate with eyes on the forest ground, she was still processing and working through what happened to her. Tsu'tey and Atxa had been the main reasons she had gotten better so fast and the reason why she's improving by the day. "You don't have to worry about me"

"I always worry about you" He stated with a grin and glittering eyes. "You're going to give me grey hairs"

"I love you, Tsu'tey" Awa told the Na'vi with a large smile on her face and eyes slightly squinted in happiness.

"I love you too, Awa" He responded but then decided to ruin the moment by throwing a branch at her, laughing and then rushing off the other direction. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past time chapter

"So, this training." Awa began as the Na'vi and her walked on a thick branch high up in a tree. "What're we going to do?"

It had only been about a week after she met him for the second time that he appeared in the same tree outside of the training yard. He even scared her the same way he did then and laid the same way on the branch. It brought a ton of deja vu to her.

"Well, to begin with we need to build your confidence so that you trust your body. After you trust yourself we can move on to the more difficult things." Atxa informed the dreamwalker struggling behind him and then laughed when he saw how exactly she was walking. "You look like a newborn Ikran"

"I need my balance" She defended herself with her arms still stretched out at her sides. She wasn’t used to balancing on thin branches like this that was so high up it made her head spin in all the wrong ways. Or maybe right, she hadn’t made up her mind yet. She had accepted his offer of training without a second thought, of course she wanted to be trained by the Na'vi. "So if we're only going to work on 'building my confidence' why are we up here?"

"To build your confidence we need to challenge you and force you to do things you don't want to do. Like making a bigger jump than you're used to or climbing to a different tree on only thin branches" He explained as if it was obvious and she was just stupid. Well it's not my fault I'm not an experienced Na'vi teacher, she thought to herself with a small smug grin. "Starting now"

Atxa turned around just after finishing his sentence and with one fluid movement he pushed her off the branch. She fell off with a loud scream that echoed throughout the area they were in. Her limbs were shaking and her whole body tingling as she felt the air slapping her face as she soared towards the forest floor. Awa knew that she was supposed to keep her cool but all she could feel was such an overwhelming panic that all she could do was scream her lungs out and await the hard crash she would soon experience. She fell through thin branches and thick leaves but she couldn't bring herself out of her panic enough to even try and grasp one, if even to slow down her impending fall.

Atxa stared down at the screaming avatar who was going to be in a lot of pain if she didn't snap out of that panic. As she got closer and closer to the ground his body tensed and he began feeling nervous, he wasn't sure if the Avatar body could handle such a hit without her being slammed right out of the body. He hoped not because he wasn't sure that she would want to keep training with him if her first experience with it was being knocked unconscious because he hurled her off a tree.

Awa hit the ground with a loud thud and a muted groan, grees and leaves filled her mouth and she could now feel all of the cuts and bruises she got from both the falling itself and the less than graceful landing. "I give it a 1/10" She joked as her head spun when she pulled herself to her feet. Now that she was down on the ground again and not falling uncontrollably she appreciated the rush it brought and she was shocked by how much she wanted to do it again. "Can I go again?"

Atxa laughed, relieved. He didn't know what would happen after she hit the ground but this was the best of the possibilities. She was laughing and didn't seem to be the least bit mad at him or his methods. If anything she seemed to appreciate that he did it, what with her asking to go again. She will feel all those bruises tomorrow, he mused in his head, maybe she'll learn from it. "If you think you're Na'vi enough for it then I suggest you get your ass back up here. I'll even throw you harder"

"I'll hold you to that" She grinned and started climbing up the tree.

...

"Where have you been?" A gruff male voice spat at her as soon as she walked out of the link room. She suddenly found herself pushed up to wall by someone that could only be Quaritch. His scarred face glared up at her but she gave him only a blank stare. The hallway was crowded with people walking to and from their workplaces but no one was looking at her or the figure talking to her. No one even turned their head to look at them.

"Out and about" Awa answered with a cold tone, she wasn't up for having this conversation with him. He leaned closer to her neck and breathed in. The man hummed and licked a long stripe up the length of her neck, making her struggle against his hands. She felt disgusted by his actions. "Stop it!"

He pressed his hands harder against her shoulders and growled. "You were not authorized to leave the perimeter without Dr Augustine." Quaritch released her slightly and then pressed her back up again, making her gasp for air. The man dragged one of his hands down the length of her body down to her waist and grabbed on tightly. "No one will help you and you know it"

Awa desperately glance over his shoulder at the people walking past, some stared at them with open mouths but none helped her. She tried screaming for help but the warning glare in his eyes made her shut up. Tears welled up in her eyes as she cried silently. This couldn't be happening.

"Let me down!" She demanded and began kicking her legs against his stomach but he didn't even flinch no matter how hard her kicks hit him. Awa could feel panic bubbling up in her chest, she was helpless. She was no match for him in strength, she knew that she wouldn't come down unless Quaritch let her down or someone forced him to release her. "Let me down!"

"Where were you!" He screamed right in her face, spittle flying everywhere.

"I won't tell you" She whispered to him, her lips pulling up into a defiant small grin. She needed to show him that no matter how much he tried to frighten her she would stay strong and quiet. Atxa trusted her and this was how she was going to keep that trust.

"I'll get it out of you eventually" He growled in response and with a huff released her from his strong hold against the metallic wall. Awa fell down on the floor, the panic that she had tried to keep under control roaring inside of her, she could feel a panic attack coming and she desperately hoped that he would leave her alone before that. And he did, after spitting on her shaking figure and placing a well aimed kick right into her stomach.

Awa forced herself up into a sitting position and begin crying. She sobbed and dry heaved for what felt like an eternity before her sobs turned into sniffles and her red eyes began to dry. She didn't want to leave her place on the floor. It was her safe place, no one could hurt her there. She couldn't believe that he would do that to her, and that no one helped her. How could none of her friends, former classmates or superiors help her when they saw that she needed their help. She could only imagine what he would have done if no one was there. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present time chapter

Awa squinted her eyes in concentration as she observed the animal in front of her. It was peacefully grazing just a few meters in front of her, unaware of her presence and intention of killing it. She preferred it that way, she found no thrill in hunting an animal that was fleeing, she didn't enjoy hearing the terrified screams from them as they ran for their lives. No, she enjoyed the clean kill, as all Na'vi should. There was no honor in killing just for the sake for it and it always had to be done respectfully and finished with a prayer to Eywa.

The hexapede suddenly lifted its head to look at something through the bushes, its legs tensed as it got ready to run but she wasn't going to let it . This was her chance and if she waited any longer it might run off and then she'd have to track a different hexapede for dinner.

She pulled out an arrow from its confinement and placed it on the bow. Then when the arrow was positioned right she drew the bow and placed her aim at the animal she was hoping to kill. Awa inhaled deeply and then at the exhale she released the arrow and watched with a tense body as it flew towards its target.

It hit the animal right in the heart, making it let out a strangled sound of pain and then falling dead to the forest ground. The death was almost instantaneous and completely painless apart for the initial shock of being shot. A clean kill, Awa noted proudly of her work.

She jogged over to where the Yerik laid with long fast steps and then she knelt down by the animal and murmured the traditional prayer for it with a sad look on her face. The eyes that used to be full of life was now empty and cold. She grabbed a hold of the hind legs of it and stood up with a loud grunt. This was a very heavy one, she noted to herself.

"Khan!" She yelled and then whistled a short tune that she had taught her pa'li to respond to at any given time and place. She didn't really want to be loud in the forest but she had tracked this yerik for a very long time and she had left Khan a long distance away. A distance she knew wasn't safe or smart to drag this animal too.

It wasn't long until she heard the thundering hooves of her six legged friend and just as she turned around to where the sound was coming from the elephant sized animal emerged from the thick trees and bushes. He came up to her and pressed his small head against her in a greeting as he softly nickered at her.

Awa smiled brightly and stroked a hand down his long neck. "Hi buddy" She whispered and then laughed when he licked her face. "We've got to get this yerik back to the meeting place, what do you say, huh? We gonna make it in record time and beat Tsu'tey and Nì'itan?"

The direhorse neighed loudly in response and impatiently stomped his hooves, she was taking far too long to haul the heavy animal on his back and he really wanted to beat his biggest rival, aka Nì'itan. The meeting spot was back at the hometree, around the training area where they usually met up before and after going hunting.

Awa finally managed to lift the heavy yerik up on Khan's back with a tired sigh and an aching back. She placed her warm forehead on the cool body of her pa'li and it was only then she could hear the vibrations. She lifted her head and glared at the animal, he was laughing at her.

"Stop that or no treats for you!" She told the animal with a glare on her face, he dare laugh at her when he didn't even help her. Unbelievable.

...

She and Khan rushed back to the hometree with the wind slapping them as they soared past trees and bushes. They were going to win this and have all the bragging rights. Plus Tsu'tey would have to serve her the entire night, and boy would she take advantage of that.

They came to an abrupt stop when they reached the training grounds when a pa'li came rushing towards them uncontrollably. In the process of trying to avoid the hysterious animal she fell off Khan and headfirst down to the ground.

Neytiri watched helplessly as Jake rushed towards Awa and Khan, the first mentioned in such a panic that his pa'li was terrified and operating on pure instinct. She let out a strangled yell when Awa swerved to the side and in doing so she fell to the ground head first and the big yerik Khan was carrying followed her, making it sandwhich her with the ground when they finally met the ground. The older Na'vi rushed towards her friend with her tail swishing frantically in all directions and ear pressed directly onto her skull. She was beyond worried for her rather fragile friend.

"Awa? Awa?!" She cried when she reached her, Neytiri fell down on her knees as she tried to push the yerik off of her friend. It was crushing her and Neytiri wouldn't be surprised if the animal had broken several of Awa's bones and even caused her a concussion. Awa wasn't responding to her desperate cries at all, her eyes were closed and her body motionless.

Suddenly her panic escalated to a new level when she heard the sound of another rider approaching, one that could only be Tsu'tey. Then she heard the thud of Jake falling off his pa'i but that did nothing to ease her growing panic, this was going to turn so bad when Tsu'tey realised what had happened and Neytiri knew that she wouldn't be able to help Jake.

"Where is Awa?" Came said warrior's voice when he stopped just at the edge of the training grounds. He could see Khan but not Awa, Awa would never let Khan wander around here without her being close. Something must have happened to her. "Neytiri where is she?!"

Neytiri stood up on shaky legs and motioned weakly towards where her friend was lying on the ground. "It was an accident, he didn't mean it" 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past time chapter

She never told anyone what Quaritch did to her. She should have told someone when it begun, the sneaking touched and harsh words, the manipulation he tried. She should have told someone when it escalated, when the sneaking touches turned into grabs and the harsh words into emotional abuse. But she never did. She never told anyone except for Grace about Atxa either, it remained her best kept secret.

She tried not to think too much of it and just keep on going, taking one day at a time. Atxa was one of the only positive things in her life and with each passing day she could feel herself getting further and further away from the things that made her human. The norms, traditions, values, it was like those weren't as important anymore. With that distancing she also found herself distancing from Grace, one of her best friends. The higher ups had decided not to let Grace take her out for any more trips until she told them where she kept disappearing to so Grace had to go alone. This fact made it all the more difficult for the women to actually spend time together, Awa spent her time training and Grace spent hers in her lab or doing whatever is required of her in the forest.

Atxa had decided that it was time for her to meet his clan today and that he had the Olo'eyktan's permission to do so. Awa was surprised that he had discussed her with his people, she figured that he would keep it lowkey because of all the hate between the species and the ongoing conflict. She would be lying if she said that the fact that he did discuss her didn't make her feel warm and happy inside.

"How much further to the hometree?" Awa asked out of breath as they climbed yet another long tree. She very much doubted this was the way to their hometree and that he was taking a detour. She could swear that they had walked past that big formation of stones twice already.

"You'll see when we get there, patience is a virtue" He replied with a thoughtful look on his face as he swaggered on the branch. He was debating in his head whether or not it was a good idea to bring her to the hometree yet, her language skills were almost on point but she still stood out. He also wasn't sure how the natives would react to her being a dreamwalker, the relationship between the species got worse with each passing day.

"Are you sure they're going to like me? I'm not like you guys plus I'm a sky person" Awa retorted with a self doubting smile, she wasn't sure if she wanted to experience the inevitable rejection that the Na'vi would hand to her. A big fat no and a get out of here. Atxa had been super nice but there was no guarantee that they would even be a small bit as nice as he had been.

"It's going to be fine, just don't take it to heart if they're a little bit rude." He tried to comfort her but it didn't work. If anything it made her feel worse, it meant that he didn't think they would be nice to her either.

"Somehow that doesn't make me feel better, Atxa" She whined with a slump of her shoulders and a shake of her tired head. It felt like the whole world was against her and the weight on her shoulders grew with each passing that, and with the growing weight her spirit sunk and her exhaustion grew.

"Awa stay positive! At worst they'll murmur some bad comments when you walk by but that's it, it's not like someone is going to attack you!"

...

He was lying. As soon as she had been introduced someone jumped her and tackled her to the ground. All she saw before she found herself squished under a mountain of blue was the scowling face of a male Na'vi and the flash of blue and black that jumped at her. All the air in her lungs left her when they finally met the hard ground, he squished her with his much heavier frame.

"What is the meaning of this, Atxa? You know they can't be here" The male above her snarled with a decorated knife held tight to her vulnerable neck. Her hands had instinctually went up to grab his arm in an attempt to stop him from closer to her neck but he was much stronger than her and pressed down as if her resistance was nothing.

"I have permission. Now let my student go!" Atxa barked as he dropped down into a challenging crouch. His tail swinging dangerously from side to side as he bared his teeth in a thinly veiled threat.

"You're teaching a dreamwalker?! After all that they've done to us? To you?!" The Na'vi on top of her snarled and pressed his knife harder against her neck, drawing a thin line of blood. This situation was escalating far beyond what she could take.

"Get off me" Awa muttered with a deep scowl on her face, this male was not going to move until she did something about it. "Get off me!" She repeated louder when he didn't move a muscle.

"You don't speak here, human" He spat and for the first time looked directly at her.

He was fuming, she realised, his tail was swinging even more aggressively than Atxa in long sharp movements. He had a deep scowl on his face and his upper lip was pulled up, showing the sharp elongated canines. The Na'vi was growling deep in his chest, a sound that shook her to the core. He had a muscled build with broad strong shoulders and strong thighs. She had no doubt that he was restraining himself.

"Tsu'tey!" Atxa snarled the name with narrowed eyes and his eyebrows were drawn together. His body tensed as he readied himself to attack his clan member. "Release her now!"

The Na'vi that was still staring at her with narrowed eyes and bared teeth hissed one last time, pushed the knife a little deeper and then stood up. "Fine. Don't blame me when she doesn't learn, humans can not see and they can not learn"

"Speak for yourself, I've learnt plenty!" Awa rose to her feet in anger and without thinking she pushed the Na'vi that was walking away from her. Didn't he know better than to now turn his back on his enemy, and right now she was his enemy. She didn't know what the sudden burst of confidence or anger came from but she supposed that it came from all her suppressed emotions.

"Awa no!" Atxa yelled at her with a scared look on his face. He was sure that his challenge would be enough to make Tsu'tey leave but now that Awa put her hands on him he would not walk away. Atxa was scared for Awa.

Tsu'tey stilled, the muscles in his back tensing and his hands balling up into fists. He turned around with a tight-lipped smile as he puffed out his chest before opening his mouth, baring his teeth and snarling at her. "You dare put your dirty hands on me?"

Awa jutted her chin up and crossed her hands across her chest to hide how badly she was shaking. She was terrified of him and she knew that she had made a mistake that she was going to pay dearly for.

She was about to open her mouth to reply when he interrupted her with a harsh low-pitched laugh. "You think you can speak here? You? A human? No" He shook his head as he continued to laugh at her with pulsing veins in his neck. "I give you one more chance to walk away, take it"

"No"


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present time chapter

Neytiri stood up on shaky legs and motioned weakly towards where her friend was lying on the ground. "It was an accident, he didn't mean it"

Most of Awa's unmoving body was covered by Neytiri's shaking one. She had fallen on her side and the animal she killed had rolled over to the side of her after the fall. Its cold and lifeless eyes staring right into Neytiri's frightened and wide open ones. Blood was trickling out of a wound on Awa's forehead like small rivulets of red, staining her natural blue color. Khan had kept sprinting away from Jake even after Awa had fallen off his strong back. The pa'li was too far into his panic fueled sprint to notice anything, least of all that his rider had fallen off. Big, deep marks had been drawn into the ground from the pa'lis rushing around the small plot of earth they called training ground.

Jake had fallen off his pa'li, and into a deep puddle of mudd a short distance away from Awa and was currently brushing off the thick clumps and liquid from his bruised body. All of him had been painted a mud brown from his fall and it hurt everytime he tried to open his eyes. Jake was temporarily blinded and all he could hear was heavy breathing somewhere in the deafening silence that surrounded them. He didn't know what had happened to Awa, in his panic he didn't even recognise her as he on his pa'li had soared past them. He thought it was quiet because of either Neytiri holding in her laughter again or she was very disappointed, little did he know.

Tsu'tey huffed with a glare on his face, not yet realising what had happened with Awa, as he stomped his way over to where his mate was lying with dust flying up into the air after each step. The thick green and light brown contrasted greatly with the blue humanoid Tsu'tey was walking towards, but what contrasted the most was the harsh red against soft blue. He scowled deeply when he heard the huffing and groaning from the dreamwalker he absolutely hated with all he had in him, it was such a burning hate that he sometimes didn't know how he resisted the urge to beat the man to a pulp. This certainly didn't help him gain any bonus points either.

"Move" He growled with tense shoulders and lips pulled into a tight line. When Neytiri didn't move as fast as he wanted her to he squared his shoulders, bared his teeth and pushed her away from his mate by the shoulders. "I said move! Go get that fucking human out of here before I kill him for this!"

"You need to calm down before you do something you'll regret" Neytiri warned, still keeping a submissive posture as to not aggravate the protective male.

"Why were you not keeping a closer eye on him, huh?" He spat with fire in his eyes. "If you had done what you were supposed to do then Awa would never have been hurt."

"You think I wanted this? I don't control what Jake does and you know it!"

"You were supposed to look after him!" He screamed at her, a vein pulsing angrily on his forehead. "What if it was a child, what if it was one of the elders and not a young Na'vi like Awa. What would you do then, what would you do when you had their blood on your hands"

"But it wasn't, how was I supposed to know that Awa was going to come through the forest at that exact moment? Why were you not with her? If you were with her this would never have happened. " Neytiri snarled back, the fire in her eyes burning equally if not more than Tsu'tey when he accused her of being responsible. "Maybe that's it. Maybe you're blaming it on me because you don't want to realise that it's your fault as much as it is mine"

"Just because she's my mate doesn't mean I have to be with her all the time, she doesn't want that and neither do I! She's more than capable of defending herself to whatever she meets in the forest but she had her guard down. She let down her guard because the training grounds are supposed to be safe! How was she supposed to know that you would fail at teaching him?!" Tsu'tey asked, rising to his full height as he stared the other Na'vi down. "This is not my fault so don't even try to pin it on me"

"And neither is it mine, Tsu'tey. He didn't know any better and it went out of control. Calm down and focus on getting Awa to the healers, she's bleeding for Eywa's sake!" The Na'vi whispered with tears welling up in her eyes. "She's fragile and you know it."

"Don't tell me to calm down! You were supposed to teach him our ways, not hurt Awa" Tsu'tey snarled out with furrowed eyebrows. "And I swear to Eywa that if Awa isn't fine then I will kill that human without hesitating."

Neytiri lowered her head but kept her eyes firmly on him, he was dangerous and could attack her at any time. Any sudden movement or move that appeared threatening might set him off, his muscles were visibly tensing and relaxing as he prepared himself to either fight them or run away with Awa to the healers. Neytiri knew that Tsu'tey was running on mostly instincts plus the flaming rage that he usually had inside of him but that was now burning brighter than ever. A fight with him now would be deadly, especially for Jake that could barely even walk without stumbling. Her only hope was that he decided to bring Awa to the healers before seeking them out and before that she would make sure that Jake apologized.

He stared at Awa with furrowed eyebrows and then he glanced to where Jake was still trying to clean himself. He appeared confused, he didn't know if he wanted to attack Jake first or bring Awa to the healers. His eyes flickered between the two people in question before he stood up and with one last snarl directed at the pair he walked away from the scene with long hurried steps.

...

"Is she going to be okay?" Tsu'tey asked with worry shining in his eyes, his shoulders slumped and hands shaking.

He had rushed to the healers after hearing the painful moan she let out when she suddenly shifted in his arms, he knew the yerik must have broken something, probably several ribs, so he wanted to get that fixed as much as possible as soon as possible. Awa had a tendency to get hurt but mostly it was small scrapes or other non serious injuries, though he worried as much each time she was sent there. The Na'vi in his arms had only had serious injuries like this 3 or 4 times since he met her, two of them his fault. There wasn't a day where he didn't beat himself up over his mistakes and her reassuring him it was all fine and in the past. She never blamed him for it and always told him that he shouldn't blame himself either. Them finally bonding made it all the worse because he could both see and feel the pain, the anger, the hurt and the fright she felt. The healers had crowded them as soon as they entered the small entrance in the base of the home tree.

The healers immediately took her from Tsu'tey, making the female Na'vi groan at the sudden movement, and placed her on one of the many wooden tables in the large room. Vines decorated the walls with different kinds of flowers and plants and ground covered the flat floor in different shades of browns, greys and greens.

"She'll be just fine, young warrior. She's got a concussion, two bruised ribs and a broken arm. Nothing that won't be fine in a couple of weeks. You just need to make sure that she takes it easy and that she doesn't strain her arm" The lead healer, Ngeha, told him while cleaning the small wounds that Awa managed to get while hitting the ground. "Tell her that she managed to get one fine yerik and for Eywa's sake, make sure she knows I said it"

"That was one time, Ngeha, will you ever let that go?" He whined, throwing his head back with hands thrown into the air.

"No" The older Na'vi retorted with a glare and a flick of her hand. Her necklace full of stones, pearls, teeth and bones made clicking noises as she gestured around the almost full room. On almost all of the beds an injured Na'vi could be seen, one with a broken bone, one with a broken nose and several others. "You can take her and leave. We have work to do"

"You become ruder and ruder with each passing day" Tsu'tey spat with his tail swishing from side to side, but there was no venom in his voice.

"And you uglier" Ngeha replied with a sarcastic smile, her two braids hitting him in the face when she dramatically turned around. "Now leave before you blind us"

He picked her up in one careful movement, making sure not to put any pressure on her ribs or broken arm. She was not going to be happy about this, and she was definitely not going to be happy if she slept through the feast where they were going to eat the yerik she killed. Awa would for sure be in a very very bad mood for the next days and Tsu'tey had no doubts she would lash out when he told her that she has to take it easy.

He was going to kill that dreamwalker, he swore to himself. Before his dislike was only built on the hate he had against humans but now it was more. Now it was personal, Jake had been given a chance to learn from them, live with them, become one of them, an honor not many humans had been given and one of the first things he does is hurt his mate? He growled at the thought, maybe Awa would beat him to the kill. She hated humans just as much, if not more than him.

"Come on, Awa, wake up" He cooed slightly, with a small purr building in his chest, after making sure there was no one close to him. Awa wouldn't be happy if someone saw him babying her, her pride wouldn't allow it. Personally he wouldn't mind if someone saw him taking care of his mate when she was this injured but he too would prefer to be affectionate behind closed doors.

"Hm?" She moaned slightly after he shook her slightly only to wince in pain when she opened her eyes. "God that hurts, what happened?"

"What do you remember?" He asked with a worried look on his face, maybe she hit her head harder than they thought.

"I remember killing the yerik and then racing back home to beat you and then- then-... That bastard!" She growled loudly, her chest vibrating with the sound. "Let me down! I said let me down Tsu'tey! I'm going to kill him!"


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past time chapter

No"

"No?" Tsu'tey echoed with a surprised look on his face, his mouth slightly open and eyes widening. "No?"

"No" Awa repeated with a firm look on her face, she was never going to gain a place in the clan if she wasn't willing to prove herself. This was just a test, she told herself, just another test to pass. "I won't walk away"

"Awa, walk away." Atxa tried to persuade her, knowing that this was a fight that she would never win. He felt disappointed with himself that he let this happen, he brought her in confidence that his clan would at least be passive aggressive, not openly challenging her to fights. Damn you, Tsu'tey, he thought to himself, damn you. "This isn't a test, this isn't something you can win. Walk away!"

"It's okay" She smiled at him but he could see the fear in her eyes, her crippling self-doubt coming back but her pride preventing her from backing down. "It'll be fine."

"You're not ready for this, he'll kill you" Atxa snarled back, his anxiety and fear turning into anger as he watched his student who he had grown fond of challenge the best fighter in the clan. Someone who would not hold back and would be running high on all that hate. "It's not too late to back down"

"This is something that I need to do and you know it. I need to prove myself" Awa shot back after she dropped down into a crouch, staring at her opponent with her head held high.

"There are other ways to prove yourself without possibly getting killed!" Atxa desperately yelled out, all thoughts of keeping his cool composure flying out the window. He saw the look in Tsu'tey's eyes when he stared down his noticeably much smaller opponent, this was not going to be pretty.

"The dreamwalker has made its decision, now step out of the circle" Tsu'tey grinned and shook his head from side to side, making his hair follow the motion. He laughed as if he couldn't believe it and like this was something that would be over within seconds.

Atxa reluctantly stepped out of the circle and crossed his arms over his chest after coming to a halt. He didn't like it but would respect her decision, besides even if he didn't and decided to force her to forfeit he would ruin any chance she had at ever gaining their respect and he would severely damage her honor. If you issued a challenge you had to follow through with it, he admired her for doing it and standing strong against an opponent so much more skilled and bigger than her.

Awa sighed and put her hands up in front of her face, trying to mimic the pose so many heroes and villains did in the old stories. She and Atxa hadn't gotten to the fighting part of her training yet so she would have to wing it. Tsu'tey laughed when he saw her small fists clenching and his friends laughed along with him. Her eyes narrowed and her ears flattened to a point where they almost touched her head. He was laughing at her.

She felt so humiliated and with each second of laughter from the natives surrounding her her shame grew and finally she snapped. The anger bubbled over and the shame turned to rage. She lunged at him, pushing away from the ground with her strong legs, making large indents in the dry soil. She flew towards him with her hands outstretched in front of her, tail deadly still and teeth bared in a silent snarl. She was going to get him for that.

He side-stepped her lunge without even looking at her and his laughter grew louder and higher in pitch when she fell to the ground with a light thud. She pulled herself to all fours and blew some hair out of her hair as she glared at the Na'vi. She pulled herself to her feet, already feeling the exhaustion creeping onto her. Tsu'tey turned around with a big smirk on his face, his face having a slight red undertone from laughing so much.

"You fight like a baby" He teased her and slightly shifted his necklace back in place that had moved when he avoided her jump. "I give you one last chance to walk away"

She growled in response, a sound vibrating in her chest and into the air. Awa repositioned herself, legs spread slightly to give herself extra balance and her hands in front of her face again. The male sighed as if she was a fly he didn't even want to bother swatting away from his face. Tsu'tey gave her a lazy smirk and a slight shake off his head before walking slowly towards her, his posture relaxed and slightly lazy. She would be lying if she said it didn't hurt her ego that he didn't even consider her the least bit a threat.

"If you wish to fight then let's fight" He told her before letting the amusement on his face melt away into a mask of indifference.

"Enough talking already!" She spat at him and lunged again, this time sprinting at him with her left shoulder pointing forward, hoping to bury it into his stomach.

All she could hear as she rushed at him was the blood pumping in her ears and the harsh slapping of her feet on the forest floor. Everything outside of the circle melted away, the Na'vi turning into mere shadows.

At last second before she hit him she righted herself and threw a punch at his stomach that he easily avoided and grabbed her hand, spinning it around her back. Her back arched as he pressed her hand closer to her back, forcing her to the ground in one simple controlled movement. She tried to stand up, pushing her legs into the ground and letting out a loud groan but he pushed her down harder.

With sweat pouring down her forehead she swiped one of her legs at his, making her fall to the ground and him let go of her out of shock. She jumped to her feet, her breath coming out in heavy, labored pants. Tsu'tey aimed a light punch at her shoulder but she ducked from it and instead ran straight into his stomach and wrapped her arms around him, hoping to be able to throw him down to the ground. He didn't move an inch, he didn't even shake as she barreled into him.

"I knew humans were weak but not that they were this weak" He spat at her and flicked her head with a scowl on his face. "I've been playing nice but no more."

His words shook her, she thought he had tried and that's why she couldn't get in a hit but it turned out that he hadn't been putting in any effort at all. That's the moment she knew she fucked up.

Tsu'tey pushed the dreamwalker away from him, then swiped at her legs in one consecutive movement, making her fall to the forest ground again with wide open eyes filled with fear that he didn't care about. He didn't care that he would hurt her, he wouldn't even care if she died, she was just vermin, a human that came and infected his planet and in his eyes he would be doing everyone a favor if he killed her.

She scrambled to get away from him, her hands desperately grabbing anything on the ground she could reach to try and push herself away from the now angry Na'vi. He aimed a kick at her stomach that would without a doubt make her lose the air in her lungs and curl into a ball of pain. She rolled out of the way in the last second, feeling his foot coming down on her hair, only just missing her tswin. She pushed herself to her feet and aimed a pitful punch at his knee that and just as he touched him with her closed fist he pushed his knee forward and slammed into her fragile nose.

She fell back down with a loud cry of pain and scarlet blood rushing down her nose. Tears rushed down her face as she cradled her nose, not seeing the well placed kick he placed on her side, making her wail out loud as she hit the ground again. Her side was screaming at her, numbing her body with the pain it radiated.

Awa tried to push herself to her feet but went down again, this time with the side of her head aching and pulsing in pain after he punched her back down. Despite all the aching and mind numbing pain she felt she knew that he was still holding back. Tsu'tey pulled her to her feet roughly, making her sob from the pressure he put on her already aching body parts and then he released her. She swayed side to side as she tried to stay up, her head spinning and legs threatening to give up any second.

The woman took a step forward and gave him a weak push with her bloody hand, staining his chest with her handprints and blood. She raised her fists and starting banging them on his chest with angry groans of pains but then fell back down to the ground when he kicked the back of her knees.

This time she didn't push herself to her knees, not even when he kicked her in the side again, forcing a new wave of nauseating pain onto her. No, she was done. It was over.

He whooped loudly, laughing at his victory as he spun around to watch all of his clan members. All of them except for Atxa whooped with him as they yelled out their cries of victory. He spared the dreamwalker no glances as he paraded around the circle, letting out the occasional yell of victory.

"Enough!" A harsh voice rang out into the the small are they were in, silencing all the congratulations and other noises and stopping Tsu'tey right in his track. "She is our guest, brought by the honored teacher and warrior Atxa, is this how we treat our guests?"

"She is a dreamwalker, Ngeha" Tsu'tey snarled out, his fists and chest still painted with the unconscious dreamwalker. He saw nothing wrong with what he had done, she issued the challenge, he accepted and won. If she couldn't handle that then she didn't belong in the clan anyways.

"She is our guest, you don't know her soul, Tsu'tey. Now leave! All of you!" The female Na'vi barked when no one moved and went to treat her now patient. "You will regret this Tsu'tey, mark my words"


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present time chapter

"I remember killing the yerik and then racing back home to beat you and then- then-... That bastard!" She growled loudly, her chest vibrating with the sound. "Let me down! I said let me down Tsu'tey! I'm going to kill him!"

He hushed her slightly, brushing her hair away from her face. "I know you do, so do I, but this isn't the time. We need to go talk to the Tsahík and she'll tell us what to do"

She glared up at him, silent anger shining in her eyes. "I don't want to go to the Tsahík, I want to kill Jake"

Awa pushed at his chest so he would let her down but he didn't budge, he continued holding her close and walking towards wherever they were going. Probably to see the Tsahík, she grumbled in her head.

"Awa..." He sighed and stopped for a second. His shoulders tensed slightly before they relaxed as he took a deep breath. "I know you're angry because he hurt you, but you and I both know that this isn't you, this rage isn't you and you will regret it later if you kill him. That isn't the right thing to do and you know it"

"I thought you hated him, why are you being so calm?!" She asked with a pout and a wild gesture to his neutral face. This wasn't like him, he's never been this indifferent when it came to a human before, not even her when they first met. He would have killed her if it wasn't for Ngeha stopping him.

"Don't get me wrong, Awa, I hate him as much if not more than you but this isn't the right way to do it. You've worked so hard for your position in this clan and you want to throw it away because of some idiotic human?" He started walking again, avoiding her questioning eyes. "As much as you hate to admit it you still care for your race, just a little bit, but it's that part that will prevent you from going through with it. This whole thing is making you not yourself. I love you but you're not thinking straight." Tsu'tey told her with a slight frown on his face, his eyes firmly pointed at the trees ahead of them. He would love to get rid of Jake as much as she did but he knew that that wasn't the right thing to do, and that Awa didn't truly hate the dreamwalker as much as she tried to convince herself.

"I'm not thinking straight?" She repeated with an offended look on her face as if the mere notion disgusted her. "He hurt me, I have all the rights to be mad about it, and hurt him in return. He hasn't even apologized yet, I could have died!"

"I know that" He mumbled to himself, thinking back to her lifeless body lying on the ground next to the massive animal. He shivered slightly at the thought of her not opening her eyes again but quickly shoved it down, this wasn't the time to think about the what ifs. She needed to calm down before she hurt herself or did something she would seriously regret, like attacking Jake or in her anger disrespecting someone in the clan. "You know that you're making me sound like the wise one, right? You think I want to be the one to tell you not to defend your honor or retaliate? He doesn't know our ways, and that makes it dishonourable to attack him, plus it could be an accident. And we don't kill people just because of accidents, if we did we would all be dead 100 times over"

"You know what I think, Tsu?" Awa asked her mate with a small grin, her anger slowly ebbing away and making her think straight again. "I think you're starting to like the guy"

He scoffed and gave her a ridiculous look. "You know I don't. I'm just looking out for you, if I was allowed to do it I would have beaten him to a pulp and sent him back to those bugs that he came from. But it is the wish of Eywa that he learn our ways and I respect Eywa, I don't respect him or his disrespect and ignorance. He still clings to everything that makes him human, I can feel that his reasoning behind this isn't what he says they are, he's a liar and all the others are too stupid to see it."

"Calm down" She whispered and laid a soft kiss on his chest. "I was just teasing you. I know it's a sore subject for you, sorry"

She could still remember the night he told her his history, about the school and about the humans. Awa could still remember how he tried to keep his composure and indifferent facade, trying to mask the pain he held inside, but failing. That was the closest thing to him crying that she had ever seen. She knew very well the extent of his hatred towards her previous race, and how much he would love to get rid of the humans on Pandora once and for all, but that he didn't because he was waiting for a sign from Eywa that it was time. She knew that he lashed out often because of it, and that he retaliated towards the humans in any way he could, attacking the dreamwalkers in the forest, burning bulldozers, anything he could. Awa was well aware that he was only telling her not to go after Jake because he knew that she was acting out because of her anger, that she didn't truly want to hurt Jake and that she wasn't herself at the moment. He reminded her slightly of herself, and that made it hard for her to hate him. She however didn't like him and any bonus points he had gained with his determination disappeared with what he did today.

Tsu'tey was a good person, he fought for what he believed in, was honorable and brave. He showed her love anytime he could, and always supported her and had her back. She admired that he could swallow that hate he held and his own opinions to make sure that she won't do anything she would regret, like killing Jake. Eywa, she loved the Na'vi that was holding her. She heard in his words how much he didn't want to defend the dreamwalker but he knew they couldn't hurt him, which was partly why most of what he said didn't make any sense.

"I know, now we need to get to the Tsahík before you get another urge to kill the bug." He grinned, showing her that he didn't take her words to heart. He knew that she knew that he hated humans and she knew his reasons behind it. "Before I have to lecture you about making bad decisions again, Eywa knows I don't want to say those words again" He made a gagging motion and then leaned down to press a loving kiss on her cheek.

She chuckled and curled back into his chest, savoring the warmth and security it gave her.

...

"What brings you here, warriors?" The Tsahík, who also happened to be Neytiri's mom, asked them, having turnt around when she heard the light steps echo outside of her working room. Awa would be lying if she said that the Na'vi didn't still intimidate her, if she was really honest with herself she'd say that the matriarch scared her. "I assume it's about the accident involving the dreamwalker?"

"You've heard of it?" Awa asked with a surprised look on her face. She knew news spread fast but not this fast.

"My daughter told me about it, came running with tears shining in her eyes. She was convinced you hate her , and that you blame her for letting the human do that to you" The Na'vi told them, her eyes showing the disappointment she held for what had happened. It didn't sit well with her that one of her own had gotten hurt because of the carelessness of a human. "I still remember the day I met you, how stunned I was by your soul. It was unlike any human I had ever seen, almost just like a Na'vi one"

"I could never hate her" Awa told the Na'vi with a small grin, ignoring the last part though a blush grew on her face. Coming to Pandora was the best decision she had ever made, made all the sacrifices and pain worth it. "I blame no one but him, and slightly myself" She whispered the last part under her breath but had no doubts that the Tsahík heard her. 

The Tsahík nodded and stirred a spoon in the bowl she held in her hand, the liquid was a bright pink with big blobs of green floating around. "So why are you here?"

"We wanted your advice on what to do. She could have been badly hurt, or any one else that could have been there. Even the children have more control than that. " Tsu'tey butted in, his face set into his usual scowl when he thought or talked about the human. "An incident like that can't be repeated, she could have died"

"But she didn't, you're overreacting" The older Na'vi shot back and flicked some of the concoction at the angry male. "She didn't die, she wasn't badly hurt. You need to realise that she's stronger than any of you think, stronger than anyone else I know. It is true that it was a terrible accident but not an unusual one."

"So what is your advice to us?" Awa asked, slightly confused at what the other Na'vi was getting at. Was she justifying what Jake did by saying that she's stronger than they think or is she saying that it's bad that it happened and that they were overreacting. Awa had no idea.

"Leave it, he will come crawling on his knees for your forgiveness. I think that will give you some satisfaction and curb the fiery anger in your mate" Mo'at advised them and then waved them away when they tried to ask her more questions.

The pair walked out the room with stunned looks on their faces, no matter how many times they spoke to the matriarch she always surprised them.

"I guess we're not killing Jake then" Awa joked with a grin on her face, making Tsu'tey laugh at her before he brought her in for a kiss. "I can't wait for that apology"


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past time chapter

She woke up in her linking unit with a loud gasp, her entire body shaking in fear and pain. Her na'vi body fell unconcious and kicked her back to her human body. Awa ignored the questioning glances of the technicians and Grace who was studying a green piece of leaf that she had brought back with her from her last trip.

"I- uh, I need to leave" Awa spoke out as she rushed through the motions to get out of the linking unit, panic was coarsing through her veins as she thought of her body that she had been so careless with. She should have swallowed her pride and just walked away but that wasn't she, no she knew deep inside that she couldn't have walked away.

Awa broke free of the restrictions and rushed out of the linking room, ignoring the calls from Grace and the shouts from people she pushed past. She didn't have much time, Eywa knew what they were doing to her body. She needed to make sure it was safe and away from Tsu'tey or others that would harm it. She had just gotten her true body, she wouldn't let anyone hurt it.

The woman ran through multiple hallways with the same metallic floor, walls and ceilings with heavy pants coming from her open mouth. Her face was painted red with exhaustion, her limbs growing weaker with each step and her eyes wide in obvious fear. No one dared to stop her as she sprinted past them, not even those she pushed through in her rush. These were the same people who looked the other way when she was being assaulted, this was those who were supposed to be her friends, her kin, they were the ones that were supposed to protect her.

In her rush she almost forgot to grab one of the masks used to breathe the toxic air of Pandora but just as she was about to rush out the door a dark-haired woman threw it at her with a knowing smirk. "You still need to make it there alive"

She nodded with a grateful look on her face, grabbed the mask before thanking the woman she had never seen before. This was the sort of person she wanted the rest of the population of Hell's Gate to be like. This woman before her wouldn't just walk past if she saw someone doing what Quaritch did to her. Awa put the mask on, rushing to fasten the secured parts to make sure none of the air penetrated her mask, and then ran out the door to the training yard. The route felt familiar but it was the first time she went out there in human form, the parts which seemed almost too small when in Na'vi form looked huge now as a mere human, the fence taller than she could almost see when she craned her neck up as far as she could and the obstacle course, which she thought was big before, now seemed impossibly oversized. She couldn't take that route, she had to find a different one.

Awa saw some guards rounding the corner with rifles loaded and held firmly in their hands, ready to shoot whatever they felt like. She held her breath and pressed herself closer to the wall, hoping that they wouldn't see her and walk by just like it always happened in the movies. Just like in the movies, she reassured herself and took a step to the left, following the protecting wall behind her. If she could get to the obstacle course then she should be able to escape, maybe she could fit through the small holes and then rush into the dangerous forest. If she didn't get killed doing this Grace would, or one of the Na'vi. They didn't know her human form and would without a doubt attack her at first sight and her human form couldn't fight them.

The guards walked past her, talking to each other about some new woman they saw the other day. Disgusting pigs, Awa swore to herself with her face pulled down into a frown full of disgust. She couldn't believe it was people like that that were the 'protectors' of this place. She shook her head and ran as quickly and as silent as she could across the small courtyard and to where she could escape. She was so close now!

With an audible sigh she slid under one of the obstacles, one of those you were supposed to push yourself under without touching the wire on top. It was easy for her since the obstacle was designed for a being so much larger than her, she doubted she could touch the wire even if she tried. Awa came out on the other side, panting softly with a large smile as she looked at the forest she was about to rush into. It looked like home, she thought to herself, the trees called to her and begged her to come home.

The woman scouted the area for any area in the fence that had either a weak spot or a gap big enough that she could squeeze past. She didn't have to look long until she saw one just a few meters to her left, a hole just big enough for her to go under the fence if she did it the right way. She walked up to it, tied her short dark hair in a low ponytail, without making sure it looked good. Looks weren't important now, she just couldn't get her hair stuck because that would both hurt and hinder her from coming out on the other side.

She got down on all fours and then down on her stomach so she could crawl through the small hole in the ground. Dirt painted her cream colored clothes in varying shades of brown and green. The mud she shoved away from her in strong swipes stuck to her sensitive palms and got under her fragile nails. She was heavily panting now, it was more work than she thought, the hole wasn't all the way up so she had to dig herself. Good thing she had her mask on or she would have gotten all that dirt that was now stuck in her hair and clothes in her eyes and mouth. 

"Finally" She spoke, her voice slightly distorted through the thick mask that was covered in a thick white mist from her exhales. She had broken through the last layer off grass and dirt with two desperate tugs and loud cursing.

Awa climbed out of the deep hole and got on her feet, her legs shaking slightly as she finally stood on them for the first time in over half an hour of crawling and digging. She brushed off her clothes but the dirt stubbornly stuck to her clothes, almost mocking her as her attempt at cleaning herself off only served to make the already big stains bigger.

With a deep inhale she raised her eyes to look into the forest she was standing in front of, the trees loomed over her but in a comforting way, the gentle noises inside of her calling out to her. She had never seen a place as colorful as Pandora before coming to the planet, Earth was grey, dirty and dying. She took a few tentative steps into the forest before she with a mighty, and dumb, war cry she charged into the forest.

...

It took her hours of running through the forest in all kinds of directions before she stumbled upon the familiar path that Atxa had taken when he brought her to his hometree. She gleefully smiled, relieved that she wasn't completely lost. Imagine that, dreamwalker lost in Pandoran forest after getting her avatar knocked out. She chuckled slightly at her own thought before pushing her legs up to a decent run, she didn't fancy running around in the forest any longer, no matter how much she loved the forest.

If she thought everything in the forest she had stumbled through so far was huge then you can imagine her surprise when she finally saw the hometree. The tree was bigger than all of the trees she had seen so far, she couldn't see the end of it no matter how far up she looked, even from the distance she was at she almost couldn't see anything but the tree. She could see the many ikrans flying around the tree both with and without their rider but that was all she could see in terms of movement. She suspected the Na'vi already knew of her presence since she dug her way out of Hell's Gate. It surprised her that she had been allowed to get this close to the hometree without being attacked or killed by one of the natives.

"Why are you here, human" A rough voice demanded in Na'vi, a familiar voice. The sound was melodious and soothing to her ears. She could feel his imposing presence behind her, his warmth travelling through her clothes and to her insides.

"I needed to make sure my body was safe" She responded, her voice slightly cracked from the lack of use and long travel Awa had gone through to get here. "Why did you let me come here?"

The Na'vi behind me stepped even closer and she could now see his shadow towering over her. His earthly smell flew through her mask and it took everything in her to not make it obvious that she was sniffing his scent. He smelled like the earth after a storm or rain, a smell that had always comforted her, he smelled like that brand of candy that was her favorite and he smelled like Pandora. " Your body is fine, you shouldn't have come"

"If you didn't want me to come then why didn't you stop me" Awa turned around to face him, her hair had broken the hair tie a long time ago so her hair was blowing in every kind of direction with the gentle breeze.

"Dreamwalkers aren't allowed here, go back" He suddenly barked, bending down over the woman slightly to intimidate her with his much taller stature. His familiar facial features twisting into a bitter snarl as he glared down at her.

"No" She answered simply, her voice coming out strong and without doubt. She wouldn't be bullied by him just because he was bigger, stronger and dangerous. She would never gain any sort of respect for him if she just let him walk over her.

"No?" He echoed with a twisted grin on his face, the situation familiar to what had just happened a few hours ago. "No is what got you into this trouble"

"And it's what's going to take me out of it" She retorted and reached a hand out to push him away from her, his being so close to her was distracting her and making her mind go fuzzy. He was more than twice the height as her so she had to reach quite high to push him away so she didn't touch any sensitive areas.

He flinched away from her touch and hissed, crouching slightly and she stepped back in fright. In the moment of almost neutrality she had forgotten about his violent nature or the aggression he carried and liked to shove down her throat. Tsu'tey wasn't someone to mess with and he had almost killed her that same day.

"Don't touch me with your filthy hands, bug" He spat the last word as if it disgusted him and then strode over to where Awa was standing, rising to his full height and flexing his muscles to look bigger. "Leave before I make you"

"No" She repeated and a slightly giggle burst through her lips at the irritated look on his face. It was as if he was so sick and tired of her never complying with his orders. He was in for a big surprise then, she grinned to herself, she wouldn't be one of those people that just bent over to the will of others. No, among the Na'vi she was strong, both in mind and body. Back in Hell's Gate she was vulnerable and weak but with her people she felt indestructible.

"Your people shouldn't even be here, I'd kill you here and now if it wasn't for Atxa" He stood in front of her, so close that his lower stomach almost touched her face and she suddenly felt very awkward. She hoped he was aware of what he was almost pressing right in her face. He was so close that she couldn't look up at him without bumping into something she really didn't want to. "You disgust me" He continued and spat on the ground with a disgusted look on his face.

She didn't want to admit it but his words hurt more than she wanted to show. She had never like rejection and now here she was facing rejection again, from the very people she wanted to live with. He didn't even know her and he acted like this.

"You don't know me" She gritted out through her teeth and a burning glare on her face.

"I don't have to, you're all the same" He spat at her feet this time, and then shoved her hard before jumping up into the tree they were standing under. His graceful figure disappearing from view before she could even register that he left her.

Awa whimpered slightly when she tried to stand up, the shove had pushed her to the ground hard and fast. She hit her tailbone on a rock hiding under some purple grass and even breathing sent pulsing pain through her whole body. A few tears welled up in her eyes and before she knew it she was sobbing again, sobbing because of the pain, sobbing because of Tsu'tey, sobbing because of Quaritch and sobbing because she almost felt like all hope was lost, like she had come all this way for nothing. Tsu'tey hurt her more than she would like to admit, his words dug deeper than any other words and his rejection stung like a thousand bees. She sobbed even harder when she thought back to all of their interactions, she didn't know someone could be so disgusted of her, that someone could hate her so much without reason.

Maybe he was right, maybe she was just like her people, maybe she wasn't worthy of living with the Na'vi. Maybe he was right, maybe she was disgusting and her presence on this planet and all the others only digust the others. Maybe his hate for her wasn't without cause, maybe she was a hateable person. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present time chapter

Awa woke up with a small yawn and a stretch of her good arm, making sure not to disturb her still sleeping mate. She had spent the last part of the day tracking down Khan who had decided to hide in a particularly thick area of the forest that required a lot of climbing and crawling. Tsu'tey had gone to a meeting with the Olo'oyektan and Tsahík about the big celebration that was coming up. She grinned slightly with barely open eyes when Tsu'tey's face slightly twitched before he pulled himself closer to her, tightening the hold he had on her. He was one of those types of people that you wouldn't expect to be cuddly or affectionate but he surprised her every day. In public neither of them were big on showing PDA but Tsu'tey in particular loved to curl himself around her like a koala or an oversized cat around her in private, often with a gentle purring sound vibrating deep in his throat or chest, depending on what kind of purr it was.

Her big problem now was that she had to go to the bathroom and to do that she needed to untangle herself from the mess that was her and Tsu'tey's limbs, without waking him. He was a heavy sleeper but noticed almost immediately if she left his embrace, even more now that she was injured. Normally he would only notice her leaving after she had almost untangled herself but now that his protective instincts were high he noticed every shift of her body, hence the slight twitch in his face. She had no doubt that he would wake up if she tried to move too much.

The na'vi let out a slight sigh and then collected all of her decorated braids in her hand, correcting some of the decorations that had shifted or even fell off during her sleep. The hair part of her human culture hadn't left her so she always made sure that her hair was the best it could be, spending far more time than the other na'vis to make sure it's healthy and taken care of. The decorations of her hair was also a subtle tribute to her stepdad's heritage that she had managed to make Tsu'tey pick up as well, she spent a lot of time styling and braiding it in different traditional styles. Hair for her was a big part of her identity and though Tsu'tey had made fun of her for it a lot in the beginning he had come to understand it and support her. He was among the most loyal and supportive being that she had ever encountered.

When she made sure she wasn't lying on one of them she stroked a finger down the toned, strong arm stretched over her stomach to hold onto her hip. Her touch made him shiver slightly and nustle his head harder into her chest, having decided the night before that her breasts made for a good pillow. The action made her giggle slightly and her heart flutter. Before Tsu'tey she had never known what true, pure and unconditional love felt like, or what it felt like to love someone as much as she loved him.

Awa took a hold of his hand and brought it up to her lips, making sure not to do it too quickly or strong. She had always loved watching him sleep like this, no frown on his face, relaxed and happy. She pressed a soft kiss to his hand before she put it back on her stomach, and instead turned her head to look at him. She had counted the luminescent dots on his face and body a thousand or more times but she never got tired of it. She glanced at his ear, her mouth pulling down into a sad frown at the hole in his ear. He's got very sensitive ears that depending on the situation could draw a throaty moan from him or a startled yelp.

"Why are you staring at me?" Came his deep voice, rough from sleep but still the melodious drawl that she loved and adored with his lips moving into a lazy smirk.

"I-uh- I wasn't staring at you." She scrambled out the words with a raging blush growing on her cheeks. No matter how much time she spent with him, his ability to make her blush with only a few words or movements never ceased to amaze her. "I was making sure we had no holes in the hammock"

He chuckled at her obvious lie and fully wrapped his strong arms around her and shifted their positions in one fast movement. She yelped slightly as she was lifted up slightly, turned and then placed on a familiar warm, strong chest. His tail sought out hers by instinct and she wrapped hers around his with a slight grin at his clinginess. Her legs rested between his and her head rested just below his chin.

"Since when is my body your hammock, Awa" He chuckled, the sound a soothing melody.

"Since you insist on me sleeping on you" Awa shot back and hid her face in his chest to hide her raging blush.

He hummed slightly and shifted slightly so he could comfortably brush a hand through her braids, detangling them and fixing the ones she had missed. "How's your arm and ribs doing? Do they hurt?"

She opened her mouth and then closed it again. "It's more of an aching feeling, not much pain. It's fine, I'm fine" She told him reassuringly but then gasped out loud when he pressed against her ribs, pain blooming in the spot, making black spots dance across her vision. "Okay there's some pain, but only when someone touches it"

The unimpressed look on his face told her that he didn't believe her and then shifted her slightly without actually touching her ribs and shooting a pointed glare when she winced in pain at the movement. The movement also made her remember why she was trying to sneak out of their shared hammock before and she gave him a panicked look when his arms came back around her back to hold her against him.

"Tsu'tey I need to pee" She whispered and then started shifting in his hold, now that he was awake she didn't need to be careful no to wake him. "If you don't let go of me right now I swear to Eywa I will pee on you"

"Do you need me to come with you?" He asked with a worried tone, he didn't want her to hurt herself even more. She had never been one to handle being hurt well, and she was much more fragile than the rest of her clan members.

"I'll be fine, Tsu. I'm just going to that spot" That spot, her spot, she had never lost that admittedly human embarrassment about peeing with others and it the toilet are was too open for her tastes. So she solved the problem by building her own little toilet area that only she, Neytiri and Tsu'tey knew about.

He nodded and released her after giving her a warning look. "Be careful"

...

She had just finished her business and was on her way back to the hometree when she saw Jake. He was sitting on a moss covered stone, alone. She scoffed slightly, she hadn't forgiven him yet for hurting her like that and the sleep that she had managed to get after Tsu'tey and hers nightly adventure hadn't helped in cooling her raging feelings down. Sure, she didn't want to kill him anymore like she did when she first woke up but she had no desire to talk to him. But she wasn't going to sneak past him, she wasn't the one that should be hiding.

So she walked in her normal pace, her feet light and almost soundless like she had been taught. Jake seemed to have been waiting for her though as his eyes snapped right to her after coming out of his thoughts.

"Awa!" He called out in a too loud voice for the time they were in the woods. She could see him rushing at her, his hand waving in every direction and stumbling on his tail at least 3 times before he reached her. "Awa"

"What?" She snapped with a scowl on her face, her english heavily accented. "What could you possibly want?" The Na'vi spat after crossing her arms firmly over her chest.

"I wanted to apologize" He admitted to her while rubbing his neck with his left hand. Small red blotches decorated the apples of his cheeks as he looked down on her. "It was an accident. I'm sorry"

"Neytiri sent you, didn't she?" Awa sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Do you even know why you're apologizing?"

"No" He sheepishly admitted and when she turned around to leave he scrambled to grab her arm, her injured arm. She spun around with a hiss of pain and clocked him right in the jaw with her good fist.

Great, her broken arm was now pulsing with warm flashes of pain that took everything in her to hide the tears welling up in her eyes. "Don't touch me"

"I-I'm sorry for that too. Listen I'm sorry for all of it." He stuttered and reached his hands out to her but then let them fall at his sides. His eyes were wide with surprise as he stared at the Na'vi before him that was desperately trying to hide the pain she was feeling.

"Save it" She replied through her teeth. "Why are you apologizing for something you don't even know. That's stupid."

"I hurt you?" Jake asked with a hesitant tone to his worried voice. He had rehearsed his apology speech to the ex dreamwalker but that didn't go to plan. Instead of honest apologies he hurt her even more. God, Grace would kill him.

"Of course you did, you idiot! You broke my arm and bruised my ribs. You're lucky the yerik could still be used" Awa barked at him and cradled her now even more injured arm. Whatever progress had been made during the night was gone and she was back on step one.

"I didn't mean to!" He told her desperately, he didn't know if Neytiri would keep on training him if he didn't apologize, and if he wasn't being trained he wouldn't have anything to tell Quaritch. No, he needed to do this. "It was an accident, it was my first time on one of those horses"

"Those horses?!" She echoed with a glare on her face. "Those horses? For one, they're called Pa'li or direhorses for you since your small brain can't seem to learn the language of those you torment, and two, they are much more than just 'those horses'." She told him with her anger shining clear in her eyes and voice.

She could take him hurting her, but she couldn't take his continuous blatant disrespect and ignorance for the Na'vi, their culture, the things Neytiri was teaching him, and Pandora. It's a privilege to be here, she had to fight tooth and nail to get there and here was this dreamwalker who didn't work anything for it and when presented with this golden opportunity he just ignored it all. He joked everything away, and the disrespect. She sacrificed so much, and still is, and he's doing nothing for it.

"Sorry, sorry" He backed off and put his hands in the air. "I don't know much about this yet. I'm sorry for doing that to you, and I'm sorry for everything"

"You know nothing, tell Neytiri to come find me" She told him before leaving him alone in the forest. She couldn't talk to him anymore without screaming at him or hurting him. It hurt her to see someone who was given something that she always dreamt of, without working for it, and then tossing it all away. It was like he wasn't even trying. "Work on that apology"


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past time chapter

She sat in the same spot, bawling her eyes out in symphony with the other noises in the forest, before she finally dried the tears off her cheek, pulled herself together and left the scene of her shame. WIth a deep breathe she shoved all her feelings down into a small box and shoved it into a dark corner in her mind, she didn't have time to reflect on his words right now. Awa needed to go make sure her body was fine, or as fine as it could be after the beating it was given.

She stood on shaky legs, feeling the pins and needles travel through her feet and legs all the way up to the tips of her fingers. Before walking down the hill in front of her she shook her legs to get some of the feeling back to them. Tsu'tey had already seen her so there was no use in sneaking down into the hometree, him actually showing himself only confirmed her suspicions that they knew she was there, watching her. She was surprised that he recognised her in human form, she didn't think he would have paid that much attention to her facial features so that he could recognise them in human form.

"I only need to go down this hill, sneak past eventual Na'vi, and then rush to wherever they're keeping my body." She whispered to herself, trying to pep-talk herself enough so that she wouldn't freeze in fear. She had never actually been to the Hometree, she only made it to the outskirts before she stupidly challenged Tsu'tey.

"Oh fuck" She cursed and facepalmed. What was she going to do when she actually made it to her body? Just smile at whoever is there and say something like 'oh, who am ? I'm Atxa's student, who also happens to be human and you're um- you're taking care of my body over there'. No, she really hadn't thought this through. She really needed to start planning before she made more stupid decisions like this or the challenge. After she had made sure that her body was safe she was supposed to do what? Just walk back into Hell's Gate and get back in the link unit and then explain why she went through all that trouble. "I'm just going to wing it" She told herself with a sarcastic smile as she started her slow journey, all thoughts of planning flying with the wind in her hair.

It took maybe about 40 minutes to climb all the way down the steep hill, she fell only 3 times; one in the beginning because a bird of a flaming red color startled her and she stumbled on a rock, the second time because she was attempting to run down the hill, and the last time because she stumbled over her own two feet. She marvelled at the nature surrounding her, the fluorescent plant life, how big everything was compared to when she was in Na'vi form, and she marvelled at the feeling being here gave her. She had never felt more alive, more happy, or healthy than when she was in the forest. She never thought you could feel this way, she had always been sceptical about nature healing people but she didn't doubt it anymore. Atxa had introduced her and now it was up to her to continue that journey.

She had lost her shoes a kilometer or two ago, they were only distracting her and didn't really help with anything. The soles of her feet weren't used to the tough terrain but it was better than the shoes and she would welcome the pain after she was done with this adventure. Her mask still sat firm on her face, even after her clumsy reattachment of it after she dried her tears. Her heart raced just thinking about the dumb decision, she was so close to passing out and she knew that none of the Na'vi would help her even if they discovered her lying there dying.

The hometree grew larger and larger before her eyes as she continued her wandering journey towards it. She could see more of the flying Ikran now, in all sizes, colors and patterns. She dreamt often of having her own ikran, of being accepted into a clan and living amongst the Na'vi. She still couldn't see any Na'vi yet, which worried her. If they weren't there, then where were they?

...

She had snuck past the Na'vi she saw, and by that she meant that she rushed past the one Na'vi child that was sleeping on one of the low hanging branches of the tree. Her feet were just one big aching mess with massive splinters and blisters covering various parts. She winced with each step but she was so close now, so she held in all the noises and exclamations of pain that wanted to slip past her lips.

"What are you doing here?" A feminine voice drawled suddenly.

She jumped and let out a loud gasp. "I'm just going to the healers?" Awa responded uncertainly without turning around. Just her luck to be caught just before making it to her body.

"You're lucky it was me that found you and not anyone else, they would have killed you on sight" The voice continued as it got closer and closer, the steps from the Na'vi behind her sounding like thunder in her ears.

Awa didn't answer the female Na'vi, she was shaking with fear and sweat was building in her forehead. She didn't want to think about what they would do if they found her, she got lucky with Tsu'tey.

"You were the one that got into a fight with Tsu'tey?" The voice asked in a humorous tone that told Awa that the Na'vi behind her already knew who she was. "There's a special ceremony today so almost all of us in the ceremonial hall. You picked a good day to get your ass kicked."

Awa was still froze, it felt like the walls were closing in on her as the Na'vi moved even closer and then started walking in front of her. She couldn't move, her feet were stuck to the floor and her heart was racing at such a speed it was painful. "I-I" was all she managed to stutter out and even then her voice failed her.

"Don't worry, Awa, I won't tell if you don't" The female told the human, glancing back at her with a grin on her purple painted lips.

The Na'vi woman had small strands of whites and greys peeking out from the mess that was her hair, the only neat part of her hair was the tswin. She was the darkest shade of blue that Awa had seen in a Na'vi with some really light blue blotches across the arms and chest. She had a thin bone pierced through the bridge of her nose and a petite necklace with one one feather on it: a vibrant pink with strands of green in it.

"O-okay" Awa responded and gently began walking behind the Na'vi before her. Just the sight of her had pushed away all courage she had when dealing with people like Tsu'tey or Quaritch and reduced her to the stuttering mess she was in the beginning of meeting Grace. Men were no problems, it's women she was scared of. "What's your name?"

"Ngeha te Txanu Nu'itan" The Na'vi responded with a slight grin to try and put the human woman at ease. She understood her fear and cautiousness, if anyone other than her found her she would have been long dead. Humans weren't allowed here, and the only reason she was allowed in her Na'vi form was because Atxa insisted on it. "You're Awa, the one with the visions"

"Yeah, I'm Awa, the one with the visions. Visions that I've only had once, and have no idea if it was a one time thing or if it's gonna happen again" Awa trailed off with a frown on her face as she vented to this Ngeha she had just met.

"Sounds like you've got a lot on your chest" Ngeha noted with a slight humorous tone to her voice, before she sobered up. "But now isn't the time or place for it. Your body is just through here, I can give you five minutes but that's all."

"Thank you so much!" Awa exclaimed with eyes like saucers and mouth open in a silent squeal. "five minutes and then I'm gone."

"I'll be waiting here, do you need help getting back?" Ngeha asked Awa with hands placed on her hips and a raised eyebrow.

"I'll be fine" Awa murmured after stepping into the room holding her body. Her Na'vi body laid motionless on a table made of a dark wood and green vines twisting around it. Her eyes were closed peacefully, but her face had big swollen bruises on them, and a split lip. Awa winced and reached up to touch her own lip, she still couldn't believe she challenged him.

"Are you sure? It looks like the journey here took a lot out of you, darling, don't think you can make it back." Ngeha interrupted her observation, her voice low and slightly sceptical. "Besides you can't be seen by any of clan members, so it would be better for both of us if I brought you back myself."

Awa nodded with a grateful smile before Ngeha turned around and walked out of the small room. The human walked closer to where her body was, she was covered in bruises of a multitude of colors and sizes, swollen bumps, and angry red wounds that looked to have just begun healing. Her legs and stomach looked the worse, she could barely see any of her natural shade of blue and cyan through the dark bruises and bumps that covered her legs.

Tears welled up in her face as she fell to her knees. How could she be so reckless with her body after just getting it, she spent all those years dreaming of getting here and as soon as she does she starts a fight with one of the higher ups in the very clan she's being trained in, and she hurts her body. She had never seen a body that injured before, she just hoped no bones were broken. A sob wrenched it way up her throat and out of her mouth, why was she doing this? Nothing was going right. It all seemed so pointless. She thought she was ready and she had this vision in her head that Pandora would welcome her home like it was her home, and that the Na'vi would love her and that she'd be part of the people. So far she's only hurt herself, her Na'vi body, worsened her chances of being accepted by the clan and made a lot of enemies. She couldn't do anything right.

She fell to the floor as her body was once again enveloped in sobs that shook her entire body and tears fell like rivers down her tired face. She was just so tired. Suddenly warm arms wrapped around her like protective vines, enveloping her sobbing form into a cloud of love and heat. She hadn't had anyone holding her like this since before her parents died, Atxa had held her but it wasn't the same. It wasn't this motherly hold that she was currently in, and he didn't purr at her like Ngeha did, or whisper sweet nothings in her ear that made her sobs turn into sniffles and rivers of salt turn into lonely tears dripping from her red eyes. She started sobbing again but this time it was more because she finally felt safe again, she felt like nothing could hurt her as long as she stayed in these loving arms.

"It's all going to be okay, I promise" Ngeha whispered in that low, slightly husky tone that was so uniquely her.

"I keep fucking up" Awa shook her head and spoke through her tears, her voice coming out thick and full of hopelessness. "When I came to Pandora I thought it was all going to be okay"

"Everything is going to be okay, you just need to fight a little longer to get to your paradise. Leave your past behind and only look forward. Don't look back, Awa, you're not going that way." Ngeha soothes her and stroked a finger through her hair, careful not to get caught in one of the many tangles. "This is just a bump in the road, you knew it wasn't going to be easy."

"It all feels so dark and lonely" Awa whimpered and pushed herself closer to the Na'vi that was holding her. "I know there's so much hate between our species-"

"But you made up this fantasy world where we welcome you home with open arms? That we would just forget what your species has done to us and just immediately love you?" Ngeha finished with a knowing look. "We both know that's not possible. How would we know that you're different from them if you don't prove yourself. Even in our culture you need to prove yourself. These things take time, time and effort. It's going to be hard, it's going to be scary, I won't lie to you. Trust and loyalty is built over time, but I know you can make it and it will all be worth it in the end and all these bumps, setbacks and pain is going to make you stronger."

Awa sniffled a few more times before she grinned slightly at the Na'vi. "And Tsu'tey?"

"Ah, the young warrior. He's captured your interest, I can see that." Ngeha answered with a knowing smirk, letting Awa know that she's hiding something from her. "He will be difficult and probably your biggest obstacle but it is just that, an obstacle to climb over. Deep down he's the most loyal, kind and loving person I know. The humans have hurt us all, soured our hearts and brought out a hate we didn't know we could feel. He is no different from that. Now I will say no more about that, you'll have to talk to him if you want to know more. Now on your feet, we need to leave"

Awa giggled and beamed up at the female that comforted her and set her head right again. She hadn't had any time to actually work through everything that was happening and it had all bottled up. The world seemed like such a dark place without hope until Ngeha came and showed her back to the light."Thanks, I needed that"

"I know you did"


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present time chapter

After walking back to the hometree with a pulsing and aching arm, Awa got ready for the day. It was training with the newbies day at Hell's Gate so most of her day would be spent over there. Last time she was there she was supposed to talk to Grace about quitting the job but in all her boredom she forgot, but this time, this time she wasn't going to forget. She was done with the RDA, she was done with humans (With a few exceptions) and she was finally ready to cut all ties with them.

"Tsu" She called out to her mate after walking back up to their shared hammock. Her arm was pulsing with hot burning pain and she knew she needed to go see Ngeha before leaving to her job. She was in no state to teach but she would have to bear through it.

Said Na'vi responded with a sleepy hum from the hammock, his eyes were closed and he was curled up to her side of the hammock.

"I have to leave now" She told him with a smile, he was cute when he was sleepy. "I'll be back later" Awa continued and leaned down to press a kiss to the corner of his lip, which made his lips curl into a slight smile.

"Quit your job" He mumbled out and then smacked his lips together before shifting slightly to make himself comfy. "Don't want you around those bugs"

Awa chuckled at his words, remembering a time where he used to call her the same thing. It felt like an eternity ago, but at the same time it felt like only yesterday that Atxa offered to train her. "I know, I'm quitting today"

Her mate mumbled a good and then waved her off with a sleepy grin.

...

"I'm here to see Selfridge" Awa told the guard standing outside of his office, the na'vi sized mask sitting way too tight on her face and makes speaking difficult. The hallways of this place was way too small for her so she had to constantly bend down to avoid banging her head on the ceiling, the doorways were even smaller. So much that she could barely squeeze herself through them. Her arm had been put into a sling by Ngeha who had deemed it in a worse condition than when she broke it. 

"And you are" The guard sassed back, putting his hand on his hip with a defiant look on his face. He either didn't understand that she could crush him like a bug in less than a second or he was trying too hard not to seem afraid.

"You're new" She commented, he had obviously come with the later batch of RDA people. "I'm Awa"

"Stay here" He ordered her and then punched in the code needed to get into Selfridge's office with clumsy movements. He was really new, she observed. When he got the door open he stomped inside and the door closed behind him with a gentle swoosh and then a click.

"If it isn't my favorite traitor" A male voice mused from behind her, the voice all to familiar and making a deep shiver go through her body. "I heard you're having a meeting with Selfridge, I hope you know what will happen if you quit your job"

"You never let me forget, Quaritch" Awa snapped back, her tail making a aggressive swing and a hiss built in her throat. "Don't let him get to you, don't let him get to you, Don't let him get to you" She whispered to herself and took several calming breaths before she felt the the overwhelming fear slowly ebb away.

"I miss you" He whispered in what she assumed was supposed to be a seductive tone as he stepped closer to her and actually dared to stroke a hand over her stomach.

She snarled at him and knocked his hand away with a quick swat of her own. "Don't touch me"

"Deny it all you want, monkey lover, you love it when I touch you." Quaritch told her and carressed a hard hand down her thigh, she was sure he would have gone higher if he was actually tall enough to do it.

"Leave me alone" She whispered, her hands beginning to shake as memories pushed their way through, images flashed of similar moments where he had done it, and times where it got worse. 

He chuckled, the sound loud and sarcastic. "I will never leave you alone" He smacked her thigh with his hand, making a loud slapping sound as his hand met her skin.

She jumped away from him with a yelp of pain, the are was already turning a deep red, standing out from the blue and cyan stripes of her skin. "Don't touch me, please" Awa begged, tears forming in her eyes and her tail laying limp on the floor.

"I will touch you when I want and where I want" He hissed back and raised a hand, ready to hit her again when the door opened and the guard stepped outside with a bored look on his face.

"Colonel" The guard greeted with surprise coloring his voice. "I didn't expect you"

"I was just passing by, decided to greet an old friend" Quaritch replied with an innocent smile, as if that was all he was doing. Not at all ripping up old wounds and further hurting Awa.

The guard nodded with a blank face, bowing his head slightly before turning to where Awa stood frozen and shaking like a leaf. Her face was pale and tears dripped from her redding eyes. "Selfridge is ready for you in his office"

That snapped Awa out of her fear induced haze and her eyes snapped back into focus. "Thank you" She told the guard, her voice shaky and dripping with emotion.

She turned to walk into the room when Quaritch voice stopped her in her tracks. "Don't forget what I told you, Awa"

Awa didn't answer him, only rubbed a spot on her arm before walking through the door and into the office of the one she came to see. Hopefully this would be a short meeting so she could go talk to Grace before she had to go back. She didn't like being away from the clan territory for long.

The Na'vi shuffled her feet as she walked up to the small desk with an even smaller Selfridge sitting behind it. He was staring down at his papers that were organized in a neat pile, not a single paper out of line or sticking out of the bunch.

"You wanted to see me?" He asked her without looking at her, pushing a pencil to its place in the line of pencils he had placed on the right side of his pile of papers.

"Yes" She answered and shuffled her feet a bit before continuing. "I want to quit my contract with the RDA"

He hummed in response, not a single emotion showing in his face besides the concentration he had when organizing his things. "And why is that?"

"I don't want to work for you anymore" Awa stated simply and prayed that she didn't have to elaborate on the why.

"So you want to stop working for me and instead live full time with than clan of wild beasts of yours? In a body the RDA made for you?" Selfridge asked, placing the pen in its right place and then looking up at her with a blank look on his face. "You do realise we are the reason you are here?"

"Yes, and I am very thankful for it but I don't want to work for you anymore." Awa thanked the man without a single genuine tone to her voice, they had ruined her and now he wants to stop her from leaving.

"Terminating your contract means that we will no longer recognise you as one of us, you will officially be seen as one of the Natives. You understand this?" He spoke slowly and drew out all the words, it was almost as if he was doing it on purpose to make her seem dumb. Of course she knew what it meant.

"I'm aware" She nodded.

"And you still want to go through with it?" He confirmed with a small grin on his face. "If a war breaks out we will kill you along with all of those beasts."

"I understand." She responded, her anger rising at his words but she knew this wasn't the place to show it.

Selfridge sighed and reached into one of the drawers to pull out a thick file with notes and papers of different colors and shapes popped out. Her file, she noted. He flickered through them before drawing out a single white sheet with the contract on it, her signature glaring at her. "Just rip this up and you're free to go"

She looked at him strangely, that's it? Awa nodded regardless and reached out to grab the paper and after a small tugging game with her former superior she ripped the paper in two and dropped it on his desk. "I'll take my leave" The Na'vi told him with a smug grin on her face. She was finally free, she celebrated in her head.

He waved her off and she strode out of the office with long strides fueled by her success. She would never have to back to the hell hole that was Hell's gate. She would never have to see Quaritch ugly mug. She slowed down and her shoulder slumped, she would never be able to see Grace like she used to.

...

Awa walked into the linking room and greeted the technicians that she recognised from her time there. Most of them were old timers but there was some newer ones, two young women.

"Grace" She called out and wrapped her much bigger arm around the Grace's small frame. "I've missed you"

"Yeah, Yeah, now let me go" Grace waved off her embrace with a swat off her hands and a firm tone in her voice. "Training was cancelled today so I'm free"

"I finally did it, Grace, I quit my job" Awa squealed and tightened the hold she had on the older woman with a big smile on her lips that stretched from ear to ear. "I'm free"

Said Grace pushed herself out of the firm embrace and glared at the technicians which made them wince and then stumble out of the room in a rush.

"God, I hate them" Grace muttered and then bitterly chuckled. "I miss the good old days"

Awa sat down on the cold floor with a small shake off her head as she smiled at her good friend. "The 'good old days' were exactly the same, only different people"

The human nodded with a pointed look and lit a cigarette. "Exactly my point, I miss the good old days when decent people worked here and we actually tried with the Na'vi."

Awa looked down in thought. Decent people? There's never been decent people working in Hell's gate, only rotten people who only cared about money and nothing else. Those supposedly decent people that wouldn't help her even if she cried out for help as Quaritch abused her in the middle of hallways or wherever he pleased. The same people who belittled her, spat at her, emotionally abused her? No, there's never been any decent people here. "Sure"

"Did Jake tell you that we moved the linking units to the Hallelujah mountains?" Grace asked, noticing what mood Awa fell into. She never realised exactly what was going on but she regretted that she didn't spend more time investigating it.

Awa perked up at that, her braid slapping her in the face. "No, when did you move?"

"A few days ago, I'm only here to pick up some paperwork and then I'm going back. I've got so many new samples to test, you should see the flora there. It's amazing" Grace gushed with a passionate fire burning in her eyes.

"Why did you move? I thought the units here were fine?" Awa asked, pushing herself to sit straighter.

Grace took a deep inhale from her cigarette and then blew out all the smoke with a angry smile. "Found out Jake was more or less Quaritch and Selfridge's spy. "


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past time chapter

The journey back with Ngeha was spent in silence, Awa was lost in thought and Ngeha just didn't know what to tell the young woman in front of her. They had sneaked out of the healing hall and 'borrowed' a pa'li named Tri'ty from the clearing the animals grazed in. The animal had greeted them with a gentle neigh and a buck of the head.

"This is Tri'ty" Ngeha had whispered to her and reached up to touch the head of the horse-like creature. "She's my pa'li, the first ever animal I made tsaheylu with"

"Are you sure we're allowed to take her?" Awa had asked after marvelling at the beautiful animal before her, the strong tall body and the beautiful colors of blues and purples.

Ngeha had scoffed slightly at the question as if it was ridiculous to her. "Of course we can, it's my pa'li"

Awa didn't believe her, the slight raise in pitch at the end sounded suspicious to her but she didn't say anything and now here they were, on their way back to the place she sneaked out off. The human was hoping no one had noticed but she knew that wasn't possible, an employee didn't just disappear from base fora whole day and night without someone noticing. No doubt Quaritch was keep a close eye on her and reporting back to Selfridge at this moment.

Awa thought the forest was the most beautiful this way, in the darkness. The exotic colors of Pandora really came to life during the night, illuminating their path in different shades of neon. Trees of all sizes and kinds turned into a blur of brown as the two raced down the path to the human territory, the soft grunting and quiet pants of the pa'li echoing around them.

No one said anything for the hour ride back, the silence was at first caused by them not wanting to get caught by the Omaticaya but then it just stuck, the air felt thick and uncomfortable but neither of them knew how to break it. Tri'ty gently slowed down as the end of the forest came into view and the lifeless grey of Hell's gate slowly grew before them. Where there used to be a forest bursting with life in different forms and vibrating color there was now only a dull grey, metal and broken dreams.

"This is my stop" Awa awkwardly spoke up when she shifted to get off the tall pa'li and then fell to the ground with a slight oof. "Look I really appreciate what you did for me"

"Don't mention it" Ngeha grinned, showing a bit of teeth. "You can thank me properly tomorrow, I heard Atxa has something special planned for you"

"You know Atxa?" Awa asked and raised a curious eyebrow,

Ngeha cackled, the sound loud and vibrating in the air around them. It was a husky sound but yet so melodious and soothing. "Of course I know him, he's my mate"

"Oh..." Awa stuttered with a surprised look on her face, this she hadn't expected. "He didn't tell me"

The Na'vi grinned and pushed Awa slightly in the head. "And have you two had a conversation about mates?" She asked with a pointed look in her eyes as she stared down at the blushing human.

"No..." Awa replied, dragging out the O. "We haven't"

"Then that's why he hasn't told you yet. That and he's being cautious,"

"Cautious about what?" The human asked before petting the pa'li with long careful strokes.

"About you." Ngeha told her and shifted her and Tri'ty so that they faced the forest. "Have you already forgotten our earlier conversation? Trust takes time, darling, and effort. You two aren't there yet. " The Na'vi called back after trotting away from the stunned human.

...

"Psst" A voice called after Awa when she just crawled up the hole she escaped through, her feet were bleeding at this point and her entire body ached as flashes of pain pumped through her.

She turned her head around so fast she almost gave herself a whiplash. Standing in front of her with her hand placed on her cocked hip was the same dark haired woman that had given her the mask earlier that day. She was wearing the same dirty white tanktop and and flying uniform that she had tied around her waist. The woman's long hair was tied up in a ponytail and a necklace adorned her neck.

"Who are you?" Awa whisper-yelled with slight panic showing on her face.

"Trudy. Trudy Chacon, pilot. Who are you?" The woman, Trudy, replied with a grin and a slight nod.

"Awa. Awa Davis, avatar driver" Awa replied with a cautious grin, she didn't trust the woman standing before her not to be one of Quaritch spies. "I-uh- what are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?" Trudy shot back easily and emphasized the 'you'.

"Nothing" Awa mumbled and stood up before brushing off the dirt that had collected on her clothes.

Trudy chuckled and swaggered closer to the other woman. She dropped down in a squat and looked at the hole Awa had dug to escape the base. "Sure don't look like nothing to me. Seems to me like you are sneaking back in" The dark haired woman winked at the avatar driver and then got back to her feet in one smooth movement.

Awa scrambled over to Trudy with wide panic filled eyes and she could feel cold sweat forming on her forehead. "Please don't tell Quaritch! Please!"

Trudy snorted and shook her head. "Why would I tell that asshole anything? You're back, aren't ya?"

Awa nodded with a grateful look in her eyes and she let out a sigh of relief. She could only imagine what he would do to her if he found out that not only is she talking to the enemy but she's sneaking out to see them too. "Thank you so so much"

"No worries, I don't see a problem with sneaking out every once in a while." Trudy said with a nod of her head and a smirk on her lips. "I do it all the time, haven't gotten into trouble yet."

The avatar driver laughed at that, Trudy proved to be a comical relief that she needed. She had cried, she's yelled and now she needs to laugh. "So you promise not to tell anyone about this? Grace is going to rip me a new one as it is."

"Nah, don't worry about it. Don't tell those uptight people anything unless I have to." Trudy reassured the other woman with an easy smile that stretched all the way to her eyes. "But I didn't see anything, are we clear on that?"

"Yeah- I mean of course" Awa nodded fervently, her hair flying up and down with the fast bobbing.

"Good. Now let's get inside, and after you take a shower-cuz, no offence but you stink- we're going to get some food in you and then we're throwing you back in that glorious blue body of yours" Trudy told the other woman, or more like ordered her if it wasn't for the smile still present on her lips.

Awa sighed but on the inside she longed to take a warm shower and wash all her problems and worries away. "Sure, why not"

It took maybe an hour before Awa had taken a long refreshing shower and ate her first decent meal in forever. A favorite of hers: grey mush served with green mush, was the only option in the cafeteria and though she was pretty sure the food was going to give her food poisoning she gobbled it all down, more so because she wanted to get back in her Na'vi body rather than her being hungry.

Trudy had left her alone sometime between the walk from the cafeteria and Awa getting into a linking unit. Something that Awa wasn't sure she was actually allowed to do, and wasn't very smart since it was late at night and the smart option would have been to have a long night's sleep before going back into her injured body. But, Awa wasn't thinking smart, she didn't want to wait until morning to make sure her Na'vi body was really okay. Looking at it only made her feel even worse, and she had no idea of the actual condition it was in. Linking to it was the only way to make sure she had no really serious injuries that the Na'vi hadn't discovered, though she doubted there were since the Na'vi would have noticed it.

"I'm ready" She told her technician, Maria, a young woman from the latest batch of humans to arrive on Pandora.

"Are you sure you don't want to wait?" Maria asked with a sceptical tone to her voice and furrowed eyebrows. "I don't think it's smart to do this now, let the body rest until tomorrow before you put even more strain on it."

Awa shook her head gently, waving off any concerns Maria had. "I need to make sure my body is good, if I wait until tomorrow it might be too late." She sighed and let her head fall onto the soft bedding of the linking unit. "Just-Just link me"

"Whatever you say, Awa" Maria snapped back, her features twisting into anger and a bit of jealousy. "I'm telling Grace about this"

"You do that, I don't really care" Awa shot back with her eyes closed. She didn't have time for this petty fighting, she needed to make sure she hadn't totally killed her body and the longer she took to find out the more the risk was that she could be too late.

Maria growled and punched different buttons on her pad and screen, starting the linking program with a glare on her face. The machine purred to life and one of the other technicians gently closed down the lid over a frowning Awa that was struggling to clear her mind of everything. Worry was creeping up again, making her stomach twist and a headache form.

She pressed her eyes closed even harder than before and focused on wiping away any thoughts to keep her mind clear and after struggling for a few minutes she relaxed and her mind went blank. She started linking but then she was thrown back halfway through it with a sudden flash of white pain that felt like it burned her brain to crisps. She yelled out in pain and trashed but the pain kept coming, her fingers felt like they were burning, her legs felt like they were breaking and then resetting only to repeat the process. Her stomach lurked and she felt bile rushing up her throat and she punched at the lid in panic as the pain only grew stronger and with a last push the lid flew open and she crashed down to the floor and threw up everything she had eaten. She continued to shake on the floor as the aftershock of the burning pain travelled through her convulsing limbs.

"Something's wrong" She gasped as she saw Grace's worried face into view but through the ringing in her ears she couldn't hear whatever Grace was telling her. "Something's very wrong."


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Present time chapter

He was what?!" Awa exclaimed in a flash of fury. "You let a spy into the Omaticaya clan?!"

Grace shook her head with a bitter chuckle. "Quaritch got to him, promised him nice things in exchange for information. Should have seen it coming"

The Na'vi stood to her full height and squared her shoulders with a snarl on her face. "How long have you known?" She asked, her voice deadly calmed as she stared at the other woman right into her eyes as she stared at Grace fidgeting in her seat.

"I've had my suspicions for-"

"How long have you known?!" Awa screamed at the older woman, tears of betrayal building in her eyes. "Why would you keep something like this from me?"

"If you would let me finish you would know!" Grace shot back, her voice loud but not yet a shout. "I know you feel betrayed but I couldn't be sure untill we caught him in the act. From what we know he's been giving Selfridge and his band of baboons information about the hometree and other military related facts. Now that I removed him from Quaritch I'm hoping that he's going to stop it"

Awa swiped off everything on the desk besides her with an angry yell, her heart was clenching and she couldn't look the at the other woman anymore. " Of course I feel betrayed, I just found out that both my best friend and Jake has been lying to my face for months." She chuckled bitterly and wiped a tear off her cheek. "But that's not what's hurting the most, can you guess what it is?"

Grace shook her head with a closed mouth and wide eyes that were glinting with unshed tears. "No"

"The fact that you've lied to me about the fact that Jake is a spy for the man who raped me, who abused me, who stalked me for months while you did nothing." Awa cried out, her voice cracking with emotion and her eyes were wide with the pain and betrayal she was feeling. "I-I can't be here" She sobbed and ran out of the room, ignoring Grace calling out after her.

...

Awa cried for the entire ride back to the hometree. Her tears never stopped running like waterfalls down her cheeks and her heart ached with sorrow. She was most likely overreacting a bit but she was so tired of seeing her life fall apart around her. She was so tired.

The other Na'vi stared at her as she galloped past them, sniffing and sobbing on her pa'li. The children stopped their plays to stare at her, the elders threw a glance then looked away.

"I need to talk to Neytiri" She whispered to herself. "She needs to know"

Awa didn't find Neytiri anywhere but she did find Ngeha, who was sitting peacefully on a rock in front of the small pond that children are trained how to fish in. Small miniatur fishing nets and rods laid discarded around Ngeha's rock. Said Na'vi was braiding a big fishing net with fast practised movements, the scene making Awa's heart clench in pain because she knew she was going to ruin the tranquility.

She jumped off Khan and stumbled slightly before she walked over to the Na'vi on shaky legs that threatened to give out under her at any time. She needed to tell her and she needed her to talk her through all that was going on. Awa desperately needed Ngeha's advice.

"Awa" Ngeha gasped out when she saw the former dreamwalker walk up to her while crying her eyes out. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

"It's Jake" Awa spoke through her tears, trying to keep her voice steady and loud.

"What are you talking about, Awa?" Ngeha asked, dropping the net and walking towards Awa. "What did Jake do?"

The crying Na'vi dried her tears in jerky, shaky movements as she stared at Ngeha with the pain of betrayal in her glossy eyes. Truth to be told she had no idea how she was going to break the news to her friends, especially Neytiri who she hadn't spoken to since before the accident also who was very fond of Jake, no matter how much Neytiri tried to hide it. The smiles, jokes giggles and stolen glances spoke a whole different story. "He's been spying on all of us since Neytiri started teaching him, giving him important information about our warriors and hometree." 

"Are you sure about this?" Ngeha asked with a sceptical look on her face, as if she didn't really believe what Awa was telling them. "Jake has been a fast learner"

"You've never even met him, Ngeha" Awa shook her head as she felt her heart skip a beat at the tone in her friend's voice. "He never cared about us, about Pandora, about anything. He's just a spy!"

"Are you really sure about this?" Ngeha asked with a raised eyebrow, trying to seem unaffected by Awa's wet cheeks and sniffles. Her voice had an underlying tone of doubt, as if she didn't really believe what Awa was telling her.

"Grace told me-" Awa begun but was quickly interrupted by Ngeha who with a snort and a shake off her head finished the sentence.

"Grace told you that he's been spying on us? Awa listen to yourself. You and Grace hasn't really been on the best of terms lately and now she tells you that Jake, a person that's doing exactly what you did once, is spying on us? Haven't you even considered that she might be lying to you to make you distance yourself to us and get you back at her side." Ngeha took a few steps forward and placed a soothing hand on Awa's cheek. "Unless you've seen it with your own two eyes you shouldn't believe it. Grace hasn't been herself since the school closed, I can bet a hammock that she's jealous of both you and Jake and this is her way of trying to regain control."

"Why are you saying this? I trust Grace, she's my friend" Awa sputtered with a surprised look on her face, she hadn't seen this coming. Grace lying to her?

"I know she's your friend but so are we. We know the real you, she knows only the ghost of who you used to be before you broke free of the chains and bondage of your human life." Ngeha told Awa with a sincere look in her eyes as she tried to comfort the still shaking Na'vi. "I don't think Jake telling his superiors things he's learnt is what you're really upset about"

"You don't believe me, do you?" Awa realised and staggered back as if the realisation hit her like a punch in the stomach.

"Awa... it's not like that" Ngeha whispered and walked up to her and placed a tender hand on her shoulder. "You were upset before meeting with Grace and you're already upset with Jake. I'm just worried that you're not thinking straight"

"I love you, Awa, but we all know Grace is dramatic and was probably what you call 'drunk'. She's not happy with Jake or Quaritch and I wouldn't put it past her to make all that up." Ngeha continued, taking pauses in between each sentence, deliberating each word before she said them. "Did she say exactly what Jake had been telling Quaritch?"

"That he's been reporting on the warriors" Awa whispered, her mind spinning in confusion. Her heart and mind was torn, the words of her friends stood against each other. Who should she believe? The people who rescued her, who helped her find herself again, or the woman who was her first real best friend and who taught her most of what she knows and that's always been there for her, even when she distanced herself. "I can admit that him reporting the basic things back to the base is normal, to be expected even, but not to Quaritch. He doesn't care about our traditions, our ways and all that Neytiri is teaching Jake. His only purpose here is to make you leave and protect Hell's Gate, whatever Jake told him can't be innocent."

"And you're sure your past with Quaritch isn't blinding you, you don't know what Grace saw. I think we should go braid some more nets and once you've calmed down and your head is clear we can talk more about this." Ngeha replied, ignoring Awa's words of warning. "I believe you, Awa, I really do but the information itself isn't dangerous. You gave them information about us as well, that's what the logs are for." The oldest Na'vi told the youngest with wisdom painting her words.

"That's not the same" Awa denied and pushed Ngeha's hand off her shoulder. Her tears had long since dried and her sniffles had stopped but now she could feel the traitorous tears pushing to break free again but she pushed them all down. "They tortured me. He's doing it willingly. And I know what the logs are for..."

"Did something happen with Quaritch today? As you said before, you knew he gave them information about us, as the dreamwalkers have always done. How else would they have books on us, books that you're read. We both know this isn't about Jake."

"I-I" Awa plopped down on the ground. "Can we start this conversation over? I'm so confused and I feel like we've only made it more complicated and confusing than it needs to be"

Ngeha chuckled lightly and gracefully sat down on the ground. "Of course, would make it a whole lot easier for me to understand too."

"Thank you, it's been a long day for me" The younger Na'vi admitted, having taken several deep breaths to calm down. "So I went to the base to quit my job, which I did, but Quaritch was waiting for me outside of Selfridge's office. He-He touched me but didn't get very far before I was allowed to get into the office. After I ripped up my contract I went to see Grace, she seemed upset about something so I hugged her. That's when she told me that Jake had been spying on us for Quaritch."

"That man will get what's coming for him one day" Ngeha swore under her breath with an angry scowl on her face at the mention of Quaritch. "I don't think we should tell Neytiri about any of this, especially since we're not sure that what Grace told you is true. "

"I don't think you're taking this serious enough." Awa gritted out through her teeth as her blood warmed up, she hated being doubted. "Do you know what they could do with that information? It's not information that will be put into a book, it's information that will get all of you killed!"

"Calm down" Ngeha barked out and flicked Awa's forehead. "We started over the conversation, by your request, so that means you have to remain calm or we'll be back in that pit of confusion we were in earlier where nothing we said made any sense."

"Sorry, Ngeha" Awa said and bowed her head slightly with shame burning inside of her. "It's just that none of you know Quaritch like I do"

Ngeha raised an eyebrow with an unimpressed look on her face. "We don't know what humans do?" She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Do you even hear yourself? The humans have killed us, experimented on us, tortured us, kidnapped us, destroyed our home and are trying to run us out of our home. Trust me, we know exactly what humans do."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Sometimes I forget what they've done but then I look all around me and I see the ghosts of what used to be." Awa apologized and internally slapped herself.

Ngeha waved away her apology with a smile on her lips. "It's fine, I know you didn't mean it like that. I understand that you're worried about Jake but as far as we know he's only giving them information, it's not like he's in on any evil plans to kill us all. Now if you're a bit more calm then I think we should go make some nets and you can brood in silence"

"Fine" Awa muttered with a small forced grin on her lips. She still hadn't calmed down from the news and nothing Ngeha said calmed her down, if anything it made her even angrier that Ngeha didn't believe her. This was going to come back to bite them in the ass some day and when that day came Awa would tell them all 'I told you so'.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past time chapter

Awa spent the night in the infirmary, shaking in the aftershocks of the pain she felt during the linking. Grace and the other technicians there had rushed her to the doctors after she stopped throwing up and the worst of her seizures stopped. The doctor had no explanation for why she got the pain, any reasons to do with her of course. Awa was very vocal about her concern for her Avatar body though she knew it was mostly fine, the Na'vi was taking care of it, but she couldn't very well tell the doctors there that she knew it wasn't the Avatar body's fault.

Grace had marched in early the next morning with her bright white lab coat with a plethora of stains varying in size and color.

"Are you ready to try again?" Grace asked with a lit cigarette placed between her thin lips and her eyes displaying the worry she felt. "It was probably just a bug." She continued but Awa knew that's not what bugs did to you.

"Sure" She replied with a tired nod. Even though she was tired she was eager to prove to the people on Hell's Gate that she was strong and she hadn't destroyed her body in a fight they didn't know about. Come to think of it, no one knew exactly where her body was, except for her. "Can you help me stand?"

Grace nodded after taking a deep inhale of the cancer stick that was held loosely between two fingers. "Of course"

The older woman reached down and grabbed Awa's outstretched hands and pulled Awa into a sitting position with a low groan and then a sigh. "Do you need help standing or can you make it from here?"

"I need the help" Awa sheepishly admitted with a small blush that almost went unnoticed grew on her cheeks. She was ashamed to need help standing up but her pride wouldn't allowed her to stand up and fall down again. Sometimes there is strength in asking for help.

"Okay" Grace nodded and grabbed Awa by the hands again, this time with a firmer grip and a concentrated face. "Up you go" She said and gave a strong pull that shakily brought Awa to her feet. After making sure Awa was steady Grace dropped her hands and fell back on the bed, taking a new inhale of her cigarette and then a heavy exhale that painted the air in a thin veil of grey smoke.

"Thanks." Awa thanked the dramatic woman and then turned towards the open door. "Shall we?"

The doctor rolled off the bed with a dramatic groan and then stood on her feet. "We shall"

...

"Are you worried?" Grace asked Awa after strapping the younger woman in the linking unit. "It was probably just a glitch and this time it'll be a fast travel."

"I'd be the biggest liar ever if I said no" Awa chuckled but the sound came out shaky and nervous. "What if it wasn't a glitch and there's really something wrong with my body"

Grace waved off her concerns with a snort. "Don't worry so much, Awa, glitches happen. Now clear your mind of everything, we've given you the least glitchy one."

Awa nodded and tried to force a smile to her lips but what was supposed to be a sign of happiness came out as a grimace of discomfort and worry. She whispered a "sure" before laying her head back on the soft jelly like filling with shut closed eyes. 'You can do this' she thought to herself and then after a few tries she finally managed to clear her mind of everything.

When she opened her eyes again she was in her Avatar body and by Eywa did her body hurt. Her head pulsed with a sort of aching pain while the rest of her body sent flashes of pain that made her back arch and her toes curl through her veins and bones. She let out a throaty groan as she sat up with her hands grabbing the ends of the table so hard she could feel it breaking.

"Good morning" A voice greeted her from the side in a cheery tone. "Mom was getting worried that something's wrong with you"

Awa turned her head to the side and she did a double take, it was a child? The Na'vi came up to just over the tall table Awa was sitting on and her short hair was braided in into small braids and her bangs had small braids, the back of her hair had a little feather sticking out.

"Hi there" Awa whispered in a hoarse voice that cracked pitfully at the end. "Who are you?"

"I'm Sawari te Wana Atxaitan" The little girl answered in the same loud voice she used before. "Are you Awa?"

"Yes" Awa nodded with a smile growing on her face from the girl's enthusiasm. She hadn't ever had someone be so happy to see her before. "Sawari is a beautiful name"

"Thank you, but yours is better. Awa sounds like Eywa" Sawari announced and jumped on the table in one jump. "Mom told me to tell you to not 'beat yourself up about it' and go see dad, he's got a surprise. " She continued, making little finger quotation marks and by the weird look in her eyes she had no idea what she was saying.

"And where is your dad?" Awa asked with a curious look on her face, she didn't want to tell the little girl that she had no idea who her dad was, or her mom for that part. She figured she'd just go meet whoever wanted to meet her and that would be that.

"He's waiting by the ikrans" Sawari informed Awa in a tone that screamed 'duh'.

"Thanks" Awa told the little Na'vi and with a slight wave goodbye she walked out the small healing room her injured body previously slept in. Now her next problem was that she had no idea where the ikrans where.

She walked around the hometree for a bit until she admitted defeat and walked up to one of the Na'vi women sitting by a window next to a woven basket filled with green leafs. "Excuse me, do you know where the ikrans are?"

The Na'vi woman looked up at her, nodded but then looked down at her hands. More specifically her fingers and Awa quickly hid them behind her back when she saw the glare the Na'vi gave her, it was a glare filled with hate and suppressed anger. The Na'vi spat at her feet and then walked off with long strides and not looking back at a confused Awa.

"I guess not then" Awa muttered a bit weirded out by what just happened. Did she say anything bad? Maybe she accidentally pronounced something wrong and said something entirely different.

"Excuse me" She called out again, this time to another Na'vi sitting around the corner from where she was standing. This one was male and was doing something Awa didn't know. "Do you know where the ikrans are?"

"Fuck off" He snarled out without looking at her. "We don't want your kind here. Go back to the others of your sort."

"I-" Awa stuttered with tears building in her eyes. "I'm sorry"

"I'm sorry you exist too, now leave me alone" The Na'vi barked at her before turning tail and walking away from the stunned woman. Why were they so rude to her? She hadn't done anything to deserve this and yet they hated her. Maybe this is a bad idea, maybe Tsu'tey was right all along.

"The ikrans are at the top" A kind voice told her but it had a bit of a cold tone to it. "It's not personal, what they're saying, that is."

"What do you mean?" Awa asked, a single tear running down her cheek, leaving behind a wet trail. "How can that not be personal."

"You call yourself different from the humans, right?" The voice continued somewhere behind her. Awa didn't want to turn around and see who it was in fear of getting attacked again.

"Yes, I'm not like them" Awa confirmed, she was a bit confused at where this was going.

"They don't know that. You haven't proved to them that you're different, or that you're not trying to hurt them. "Awa could hear the smirk in the Na'vi's voice. "Why do you expect them to accept you and love you when you've not even been here twice, and you've done nothing to prove yourself to them. To them you're just like one of those humans."

That hit her like a kick in the shin, she kept forgetting that they didn't know how she felt and that the only they had seen of her was a dreamwalker picking a fight with one of their honored warriors. They didn't know that she wasn't out to hurt them, or that she was trying to find herself in her new life and body. Awa, despite the talk with Ngeha, had forgotten about how her people had hurt the Na'vi and acted ignorant. Of course they would act like this, but it didn't make it hurt any less.

Awa nodded and felt her face heat up in shame. "Can you show me to the ikrans?"

"No" The voice told her in a clear voice. "You have to find it on your own, it's at the top of the tree"

"Thank you" Awa muttered, she was a bit disappointed that her mysterious helper couldn't help her this last part. She turned around, hoping to catch a glimpse of her helper but when she spun around she was met with only thin air and no sign of anyone being there.

...

Awa was panting by the time she reached the upper part of the tree and she was met by the incredible view of Pandora. The tree was rustling in tune with the wind and the soft chirping and growling of the ikran comforted here as she walked towards where her trainer stood at the end of one of the branches leading off the main one.

"Do you know how much trouble I had getting up here? First I get spat on by your clan members and then I got lost five times before finally coming here" Awa complained with a sigh and placed her hands on her knees. "I'm so tired already"

"Shh" Atxa silenced her and pointed to the main branch where another figure stood.

Awa squinted her eyes but they widened after realising who it was. It was Tsu'tey! His back was turned to them but she recognised his strong form, braided hair, clothing and signature necklace. Her heart skipped a beat and an involuntary grin formed on her lips that she forced down when she saw Atxa looking at her with a grin of his own. Her attention was brought back to Tsu'tey who chirped softly and made a sort of clicking sound towards something hiding in the leaves.

Out of the leaves climbed an ikran. It was beautiful, Awa noted as she looked at the many different colors on the magnificent creature. It chirped back and pushed its head under Tsu'tey's outstretched hand, paying Awa and Atxa no mind. The ikran was mostly blue but with some stripes of green and blotches of purple lining the powerful wings. Awa watched with avid fascination as Tsu'tey threw up a piece of meat that his ikran easily captured in its mouth and then swallowed, he then jumped up at the back of the bird like creature and in one fluid, effortless movement made tsaheylu with his ikran.

She stood straighter but still had her hands on her knees, she was in awe of how handsome he looked, how majestic and how angel like he looked as he sat on his ikran and then launched off the branch they previously occupied, only to fly upwards at an incredible speed. It felt like time stopped when she met his eyes, her eyes wide with awe and his filled with flaming anger, obvious smugness and a hint of something she didn't know. The movement was over as soon as it happened and her eyes snapped back into focus after the trance broke when he flew off.

"Ngeha was right. He's really got your interest" Atxa noted and she jumped out of her skin from the surprise of him talking, and then slumped slightly in mortification at being so open about her interest in Tsu'tey.

"I would be lying if I said he didn't, it's not something I can help." Awa sighed and pulled a hand through her sloppy braids. "The feeling isn't mutual though, he hates me"

"He doesn't hate you, he hates humans. It's nothing personal." Atxa told her with an emphasizing on 'you' and 'humans'. "His feelings will change towards you with time, just like you've done to Ngeha and I"

"Ngeha hated me?" Awa asked shock. "But-"

"But what? I convinced her to give you a chance, you've started to change her mind about you. Belive me she would never help you otherwise. I believe she told you that these things takes time, and she was right. Tsu'tey won't hate you forever, he's hating you because you're human. You can't blame him for that, and I have a feeling you don't"

"No, I don't" She sighed and look away. "I've had too many deep conversations lately."

"You've needed them" Atxa pointed out.

"Yes" She whispered. "I have. It's hard not to take it personally and to remember that they don't know me yet."

"You're doing fine, I wouldn't have offered to train you if I didn't think you were capable of this." Atxa reassured her and placed his hands on her shoulders to look inside her eyes. "This is where you belong, you only need to prove it to them too"


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present time chapter

After she stormed away from a confused Ngeha with disbelief bubbling inside of her she wandered around aimlessly. Her head was spinning, her stomach was twisting and turning, everything was so confusing. Grace, her best friend who was supposed to tell her everything, neglected to tell her that Jake was a spy. She could take that, but the fact that Jake was spying for Quaritch was just the cherry on top, or the final drop of water that made a massive dam break. Grace knew what Quaritch had done to her and was still doing and she still didn't tell Awa that Jake was spying on her (And the omaticaya) for that same man. Grace never protected her against Quaritch, she was never there when something happened but even after Awa finally broke down and told her all about it Grace did nothing. That was what hurt so much, that not only did Grace do nothing while Quaritch destroyed her but now that Awa was finally free Grace came clean about Jake spying on her for said man. She didn't blame Jake for it, she understood that he was only following orders but it still stung, as much as she hated to admit it she was warming up to him. Of course she was still mad at him, and a little bit scared of the information he might have given Quaritch, but it wasn't the same kind of anger that she had towards Grace.

"Jake!" She called out when she saw the man walking in his Avatar body just a few meters ahead of her. "I need to talk to you!"

"Awa?" Jake answered surprised. He was surprised that she was approaching him and that she would even want to talk to him after everything he's done. A bit of guilt grew inside of him when he thought of what he's been doing and sweat began forming at the thought of her knowing.

"Come on, we need to talk" Awa demanded as she passed him with her tail smacking him on the chest and her eyes narrowed into slits.

"Where are we going?" Jake asked after he began following her into the hometree with his tail clumsily swinging.

"You'll see" Was her final words to him before she began climbing up a shortcut Tsu'tey had shown her after noticing how much she hated the usual route.

Awa walked a bit ahead of Jake, her steps fast but yet quiet and graceful. Jake's steps were clumsy and louder than Atxa's snoring. Who for the record once woke up the whole clan one night when he snored particularly loudly. They walked inside the hometree and instantly everyone inside the first 'room' turned to stare at Jake with mixed feelings, some of them with curiosity and some with anger. Much more friendlier reactions than she got from them for a very long time but she warmed them up to the idea of a dreamwalker being a good soul, she remarked smugly. It had taken her a long time and a lot of effort but at last they had embraced her and loved her as she first envisioned. Jake got the privilege of reaping some of the benefits from that. Of course it made her a little big angry to see him having a much easier time than her but she was the one who made it all possible, so it made her proud too.

Awa took a left right by the exit and didn't look back to see if Jake followed her, would be his loss if he decided not to. She was giving him a chance to explain himself but if he didn't want to do that then she'd be fine either way. This part of the hometree wasn't as crowded as the rest of it, mainly because there was no real reason to be there except if you knew about the shortcut. BY the stomping footsteps behind her she knew that Jake was still following her so she didn't bother with looking back at him before jumping up on a platform made out of braided branches that had grown together over time.

This time she looked down on him, seeing the puzzled look on his face when he stared back up at her, and jumped to the second platform that just like the first was made out of strong branches that made up the hometree. Awa heard the thud of his failed landing below her and her lips turned into a mixture of a grin and a tired frown.

The rest of the short climb to the Ikrans went by fast and Jake only fell down twice, which she considered almost impressive for a new dreamwalker like him. She didn't help him up though and she didn't stop to wait for him. She climbed up the last platform and then pushed herself to her feet with a small smile, they were there. She could see all of Pandora spreading out around her, the small bodies of water that was the source of life on Pandora, the trees that stretched towards the sky with beautiful leaves, some big enough that two of her could lay stretched out next to each other and never touch the ends and some smaller ones that many animals ate. She could even see some of Pandora's bigger animals moving around in their respective territories.

Awa walked out on the main branch that held so many memories for her with a bittersweet smile on her lips. Once again this place would be where she had negative discussions with someone, she had just as many bad memories there as she did good ones. Still she hoped that this one would have a happy ending to it, maybe after he explained himself her anger would ebb away to the anger she had before. Or he could make it all worse and make her anger flame even higher than before. It could go either way.

"Do you know why I brought you up here?" She asked while walking to the branch where she knew her ikran was hiding. Her voice came out strong and confident.

"No" He answered honestly. "I don't"

She shook her head slightly. "It would make it easier if you knew but maybe your confidence in your own abilities fooled you" Awa whispered, her words carried by a gentle breeze over to a confused Jake. "I know what you've done, Jake"

She heard him take a few steps forward, she couldn't make out if it was steps out of anger or confusion. Normally with other Na'vi you could understand more of what they were saying by body language or steps, but Jake wasn't tuned in with his body functions or body language so she had to dig up all her old human interaction knowledge.

"What do you mean? What have I done?" He asked with a frown on his face.

"You've been spying on us" She declared and turned around, her face void of any emotions. "What have you been telling them?"

"Spying? I have no idea what you're talking about" He laughed and rubbed his neck but his eyes were wide with surprise.

"I don't like liars." Awa spat and took a few strides towards him with her shoulders squared up and a snarl marring her face. "What.Did.You.Tell.Them?"

"Listen, I don't know what you think you know but-" He started but a growl from Awa quickly shut him up.

She leaned down slightly but the snarl and the coiled up muscles were still very noticeable. "No, you listen to me! I know what you've done. I want to know what you told them and why"

"I've only told them the basic things, like how the tree is structured, the rest they've gotten from my logs" He finally admitted after being silent for a few seconds and his voice came out shaky and rushed. He looked on her guilty with ears pressed slightly forward and his head bowed. "I-, at first it was order but with time I've fallen in love with Pandora. You have to believe me! I haven't done a log in a long time. I've changed!"

"That's what they all say" She muttered in response but a part of her was gladdened that he didn't report to them any longer but she couldn't be too sure that he was telling her the truth yet. Most people would lie to save their skin and she was sure he would do the same. "Let's say you have changed and fell in love with Pandora just like I did and you're all about the Na'vi now. What will you do when Quaritch confronts you? Will you tell him that you're not his little bitch anymore?"

"Hey!" He protested with an offended look on his face. "It's true. At first I was only doing it so I could go back home and get my legs fixed but that doesn't matter anymore. This is my life now."

"You didn't answer my question" Awa noted with a glint of suspicion in her eye. "Answer me"

"I don't know what I'll do" He responded and rubbed his neck sheepishly. "I haven't thought that long. Too busy living my new life, I suppose"

"I know that feeling." She chuckled and leaned up from the aggressive stance she held. She would take a different approach to this, Jake didn't seem like the guy to crack under pressure or fear. Maybe he would respond better if she appeared... understanding of his...situation"You know I had this big speech planned where I confronted you about being a spy and being a big fraud. But... but my anger blinded me again and I didn't realise that you might have fallen for Pandora just as many of us have, that maybe you've stopped."

"Hey, it's okay. No harm done." He tried to console her. "You've been angry a lot lately?"

"Too much" She whispered honestly, this anger wasn't like her but so many bad things had happened lately so she was always ready to fight. She hated it. "Something is changing, I can feel it in the wind. Something big is coming."

"So am I forgiven about the whole reporting to Quaritch thing?" Jake asked with a cocky grin on his face.

"No." Awa shot back, she wasn't even close to forgiving him. A few sweet words from him wasn't going to sway her that easily. "You have to prove yourself to me and then I might consider it."

She turned her back on him and did her own version of a ikran calling that she had trained her ikran to respond to. With a soft grunt her ikran climbed out in all its glory and walked up to the Na'vi with careful steps, the animal's full attention was on her rider and she was ignoring Jake entirely. Her ikran was a stunning baby blue with white details on the wings and body, Awa had affectionately named it Lilo after her sister who she had left behind.

"Hi" She cooed softly and reached under Lilo's chin to gently scratch there, making the big animal coo happily at the sensation. "Want to go on a flight?"

"What are you saying?" Jake called from behind her.

"Hear that, Lilo? The ignorant human can't understand us. He thinks I believe him, but I'm not that easily fooled or swayed by a few words. I need more information before my next move, at least I know he did it now." She whispered to her ikran while staring Jake in the eye, her gaze challening which made him avert his eyes almost immediately. "But don't tell him, I want to see if he's honest or not without him being suspicious of me"

"I-uh- I have training with Neytiri so I have to go" Jake excused himself with an uncomfortable cough. "Good talk though, don't tell Neytiri!"

"I won't" Awa promised before making tsaheylu with her winged mount who shrieked softly but then relaxed and allowed her to climb on top of it. She shifted slightly to get into a better position and put her feet in the right position for a comfortable flight.

She waited until Jake left the area before she commanded Lilo to fly, and the bird-like creature did so by leaning backwards until they fell off the branch, a move that she had taught the loyal mount. The two fell down towards the ground and Awa whooped happily when she felt the strong wind in her hair and the adrenaline flowing in her body. All of her negative emotions washed away from her in the wind and for the first time in a while she felt light and purely happy. When they got closer to the ground she told Lilo to straighten up and the ikran did so almost immediately.

It wasn't long before Tsu'tey joined them on his own Ikran and with a laugh with a challenge in it the two shot off in a race.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Past time chapter

"I feel so uncomfortable wearing these clothes. No, I wouldn't even call it clothes, I feel uncomfortable wearing these little pieces of cloths." Awa complained to Atxa when she walked out of one of the changing 'rooms' their home had. It was the first time she wore Na'vi clothes and she felt for a lack of a better word: naked.

"Your other clothes were destroyed" Atxa pointed out with a stern look on his face. " First step to becoming one of the people is wearing the garbs we do, young one."

"There you go again, sounding so wise" Awa laughed, though she appreciated his advices and weird moments of wisdom and formal speech. "Are you always this serious and formal or is it only with me?"

"How bold of you to assume that I change the way I talk for you, I've known you for at least a month." He responded with an almost offended look on his face and a bit of an irritated glimpt in his eye teased her. "I'm your mentor and I'm a professional, hence the formal language and serious attitude. What you're attempting to do is serious, sure sometimes I have acted in a manner similar to yours but that was to make it easier for you."

Awa hummed and shifted the small thong she had been so graciously gifted by a couple of reluctant Na'vi women who had thrown the material at her with a warning hiss. It had to be the most uncomfortable thing she had ever worn, and it covered next to nothing of her body, sure the small cloth hanging in the front shielded some but not a lot. Her top, or more like branches that covered only the absolute most private parts of her breasts sat surprisingly tight and comfortable a top her and by the firm grip it had she wasn't worried that it would fall off any time soon. She had gotten a chance to braid her hair again and she had managed to steal some pearls and colorful strings from a small basket that was left unsupervised and she had quickly placed those in her hair with a gleeful grin.

"Whatever you say, oh powerful coach" She sing-songed with a teasing grin and the same teasing look in her eyes that she so often held when she was around people she liked. "It's okay to not be serious sometimes"

"I'm older than you, of course I know it's okay. However those moments shouldn't happen during our training together, as you've noticed those 'not serious' moments only happen outside of training and that is how it needs to be. Training isn't something to joke away, it's learn or die." He lectured her with a hand firmly grasping her shoulder.

"You pushed me off a tree"

"Learn or die" He retorted and dropped his hand to his side.

"You threw me off a cliff" Awa said and crossed her arms defiantly.

"Learn or die" He shot back and begun walking away from her, making her sputter and sprint slightly to catch up with him.

"How are those examples not showing that you weren't being serious?" She asked with a curious look on her face that was slightly tainted by the bit of darkness present there as well.

"I've told you three times already, with Pandora it's either learn or die. Those falls did wonder for your ability to trust yourself in moments of panic and you got some well needed exercise" He retorted with a pointed look that made Awa gasp.

"Are you saying I'm fat?!" She shrieked, a sentence so familiar it felt like she was back in school on earth. "Atxa?!"

"I never said that, nor did I imply such a thing. Your cardio isn't as good as it needs to be, nor is any of your other functions." He defended himself without looking back at the offended dreamwalker who was still staring at him stunned.

"Oh, okay" She muttered, the words hit hard no matter how nice he tried to put them. She would have expected to have stopped getting hurt by every bad thing everyone said to her but she didn't, if anything with time it got worse. She knew Atxa wasn't saying it in a bad way, she knew that she couldn't possibly be at the same speed, cardio or anything like that, as a native but it still hurt.

"What did we say about confidence? It might sting to hear it but would you rather I 'sugarcoat it' and not let you know what needs to be improved?" Atxa asked with a confused look on his face, normally his students didn't respond to criticism or comments like this like she did. Humans were more sensitive in that compared to them. If anything his students would be upset if he wasn't honest with them about his abilities.

"No, no, that's not- absolutely not!" She stammered with wide eyes and a small blush working its way up her throat. "I need to know what I need to improve and I'd rather you be straight forward about it then lie to me" Awa declared in a strong voice, though her insecurities yelled at her.

He nodded once with approval shining in his golden eyes. "I thought so too. Your efforts and improvement is very impressive, I must confess, and I have no doubt that you'll be improving as rapidly as before, if not faster."

She shrugged at that, her self-consciousness and self doubt came back to tell her all about how she would never make it and she would be better off just leaving. "I try to do my best"

"Try?" He echoed and stopped in his track. "Awa, do you remember what you promised me when you agreed to my training?"

"To always do my best" She confidently stated and then realisation sunk in and her mouth formed a small 'o'. "I'm doing my best" Awa corrected and Atxa nodded at her.

"Much better. Always do your best, and always strive to be your best self." Atxa replied and started walking again.

"Now this is starting to feel more like a lecture than anything else" Awa noted and suddenly stumbled over a rock but luckily she didn't fall. That would be so embarrassing, she thought to herself mortified.

"I lecture when a lecture is needed" He told her with a small grin tugging at one side of his lips. "Now come, I've got a surprise for you"

"What is it?" She asked excited at the prospect of a gift. "No, don't tell me! Is it a dress? No, is it a new fruit?-"

She would have continued guessing if Atxa didn't sigh and slightly hissed a warning at her. He had patience with her, more than with his normal students because of her being human, but it had been a long day and he wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. Plus, she needed to get more tuned in on Na'vi body language if she wanted to really survive the clan.

"Sorry" She apologized with her ears turned forward in shame but then they perked back to their normal position as her eyes lit up. "Can you tell me what it is?"

Atxa sighed again with his features twisting into a deep frown, his shoulder tensed and his tail tensed as well into a small arch that would tell a native Na'vi that he was getting irritated. "No. Now be quiet!"

"Did I say something wrong?" The dream walker asked with a wounded look on her face. He hadn't ever been this rude to her, and she couldn't understand why he suddenly was hissing at her and telling her to be quiet.

"Tell me, Awa... How tuned in to Na'vi body language would you say you are?" He turned around to ask the question with one hand raised in the air and the other positioned behind his back.

"Not much" She replied honestly. "They don't teach us that in the program."

"I need you to forget everything you learnt in that program. They don't know how it is in real life, how our societies work or our language. They don't know anything that will help you now, I've taken you in and I along with my clan will teach you everything anew. We will teach you to see." He rambled slightly, something so out of his character it surprised Awa. Atxa always seemed to be in total control of everything in his life but maybe she disturbed that control. "But no, you have not said anything wrong. I'm just tired after the long day, and I thought now would be a good time for you to start learning basic body language. Your Na'vi body gives you some of the instincts but they are weak and in need of training."

"I see" She answered after a few uncomfortable seconds. This conversation seemed to be spiraling and she wasn't sure if she wanted to probe any further, she had a feeling she wouldn't like the answer. "Hey Atxa..."

He paused in his walking again and turned around with yet another sigh and a slight roll of his eyes. This wasn't a good day for him and he had hoped to just get her clothed, give her her surprise and then go spend time with his family but her never ending curiosity would take away all the energy still in him. "Yes, Awa"

"You told me that Ngeha hated me at first..." She started carefully with her hands placed shyly in front of her.

His eyes widened when he realised what she would ask next, a question he didn't want to answer. Especially not in this mood, she would misunderstand him and he would be left with a broken relationship with his student that he would have to spend precious time mending. "Do you really want to ask that question?" He warned her.

"I- I don't think so. I don't think I can take the answer right now." Verbally that is, she added in her thoughts because she already knew the answer. He, like his clan members, were still suspicious of her and didn't trust her. There was a part of him that hated her, she could sense it in his bad moods and sometimes his eyes would betray him before he hid. Awa didn't think he really hated her, not anymore, but he hadn't really gotten over that she's human yet. But like so many people have told her in the last few days, these things takes time. He is no exception to that.

"I really think it's been a long day for the both of us and that you're overthinking everything. I don't hate you, don't ever think I do. If I hated you I would have never offered to train you, no, I don't hate you at all. " He grabbed her by the shoulders and brought her into a strong hug that she melted in. "I apologize if you think I do, believe me when I say that I don't. It's hard to let go of all those emotions that comes because of our history but I'd never express those on you or do anything towards you because of them."

"Thank you" She whispered to him, her voice so low he almost didn't hear her if it wasn't for the soft vibration her voice made against his chest. "I have a problem with overthinking, and I don't want to put the blame on you but you've been in a bad mood the last days and it's just made my head spin."

"Which is why I'm giving you this surprise. I thought it would be my apology for everything that's happened these last days." Atxa grinned down at the woman in his arm, a grin that reached his eyes and made them shine with happiness. "I think he'll make a good companion"

"He?" She asked with a shriek.

"I've said too much already, let's go" Atxa replied with a genuine smile on his face. "They're waiting for us"

The two walking in silence to wherever Atxa was leading her, but this time it was a comfortable silence. Awa felt much lighter after they talked about her fears and he reassured her that he didn't hate her like the rest of the Na'vi seemed to do. It was something she didn't want to think, but with the stress she had been through lately and the rejection from the clan those thoughts just sneaked up on her until they overwhelmed her. Atxa almost seemed a bit offended that she thought that of him, which made her feel extremely guilty, but she couldn't help it. Everything seemed to be going against her and it made her suspicious that Atxa, one of the only good things in her life was turning on her. She felt a bit ungrateful when she thought back on all he's done for her and that she was behaving this way when he was trying to give her a gift.

It wasn't long until the pair reached an enclosure with a high wooden fence framing the grassy area. Awa's eyes widened when she realised what was inside of the fence. Pa'lis! The horses of Pandora, with six strong legs, small heads with a long neck and two antennas. They were all in in different shades of light blue with a beige color on their belly and throat. Some of the Pa'li had little foals with them that was adorable and small, so small that they just made Awa's heart melt into a puddle.

Her eyes were drawn to the foal in front of her that begged for her attention, it was a lot older than the rest of them and didn't seem to belong there at all. She wasn't sure if the word foal was the right word for what it was, the horse like creature seemed almost fully grown, if anything. If anything it seemed to have escaped from somewhere and chose to stay there, she would like to claim the glory of that deduction but the big hole in the fence spoke for itself. The pa'li stuck out from the rest of the group, and not only because of its size, but also because of its personality and unique shade of green that he had on its back instead of the usual blue. The Pa'li seemed to really enjoy her observing of it if the puff of its chest or slight skip in its step as it turned around was anything to go by.

"He's not supposed to be here" Atxa muttered to himself as he unlocked the gate leading into the enclosure. "I'm sorry Awa, I'll just bring him back and then I'll give you your gift."

"Is my gift one of the baby pa'li?" She asked with wide eyes that sparkled with joy.

He sighed for the millionth time that day. "Yes, you can pick whichever you want and it'll be all yours. Your own pa'li."

"I want that one" She pointed at the runaway without hesitation and the animal perked right up as if it could understand her.

"What?" Atxa asked surprised and slightly startled. "You want him?"

Awa nodded as her answer and walked through the gate and into the enclosure. "He's the one I want"

"Very well" The male Na'vi relented as he dragged a hand down his face. "What will you name him?"

"I'll name him Khan!"


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present time chapter

A few days had passed from Awa's confrontation with Jake about him being a spy, that ended with a mutual kind of truce. Of course Awa thought his reasons and excuses were total poppycock, but she couldn't tell him that in fear that he'd either turn defensive because of it or that their small truce would fall apart. No, it was better if the dreamwalker thought she bought his reasons and was none the wiser about her real motives behind it. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened during the passed time, life had more or less gone back to normal after the drama. She did her chores, hunted, spent times with her friends, socialized with her clan, and of course spent some much needed quality time with Tsu'tey, who wasn't very happy about the friendship his mate had begun forming with the dreamwalker. He would rather she stay away from humans, the people that hurt her, and until Jake proved himself different from them Tsu'tey didn't want Awa near him.

Awa had also been avoiding Ngeha, or at least as best as she could when the older Na'vi popped up everywhere Awa went. She was upset that her best friend didn't believe her, not to mention that Awa was right about it, and that she'd rather wait for Jake to do something before they make a move. Awa needed time to think, and space, but Ngeha didn't want to give her any, she seemed ademnant not to let Awa distance herself.

"Awa!" She heard an authoritative voice call out, the voice strong, loud and confident. It was a voice she recognized immediately, it was instinct to react to it and respond. She turned around and was faced with the stern face of Mo'at, the Tsahìk. The tsahìk was carrying a basket of one of Awa's favorite fruits, no matter how many times they told her she never remembered the name of it. All she knew was that it was delicious and grew far away from the hometree in a swamp like area that was notorious for its poisonous mushrooms and lurking beasts.

"Yes, Tsahìk?" She asked with a respectful bow that showed just the right amount of neck to be considered respectful but not low enough so that she'd seem submissive. Her tone was respectful but still friendly and familiar. Despite their friendly relationship respect was always needed and Mo'at was the leader of the clan after all.

"My daughter is going on a hunt today and has asked for you to take over Jake Sully's training for today" The matriarch of the clan informed Awa with a slight grin when the older Na'vi saw the look on Awa's face, it was as if someone had kicked Khan, bound him and then threw him in the ocean.

"Neytiri wants me to train Jake?" Awa repeated with an expression of shock on her face. This wasn't at all how she wanted to spend her day, not now, not ever. "But-"

"I said what I said. Now go" Mo'at commanded, her eyes stern and demanding that she do as she said. The matriarch tilted her head slightly, angled her body just the right angle and narrowed her eyes into slits as she stared at Awa, who shrunk back with eyes directed to the ground.

Awa had never been outright disrespectful of Mo'at but she had been defiant at times, often disagreeing with some decision the leaders made, still a certain amount of respect was required. The former dreamwalker's position in the clan was high and secure so she had a bit of a say but she tried not to be too vocal, partly because she's never been too opinionated or confrontational, and she most of the time didn't care enough in the end.

Awa sighed and closed her eyes briefly when she contemplated her choices, or rather choice. She didn't want to train Jake for the day, not even if they ended their last conversation on friendly terms. She hadn't forgiven him for anything so it would probably be very awkward and uncomfortable. That and she couldn't trust herself to be a good trainer too him, but Neytiri and Mo'at trusted that she'd be able to do this.

"Fine, I'll do it. Where is he?" Awa resisted the urge to whine but there was still a whining undertone in her voice. She shifted slightly and placed a hand on her hip to try and win back some of the composure she lost.

"I believe he's still sleeping." The Tsahìk answered with a slight frown twisting her face and her normally half-grinning lips pulled into a thin line. She had never been fond of lazy people, also Mo'at didn't understand why a human who she had so graciously let into her clan didn't do everything to prove himself, like Awa had done. "He's very lazy"

"In the human world they don't wake up this early. Did Neytiri tell you what she wanted me to teach him?" Awa subconsciously excused his behavior, though Jake was without a doubt lazy. She shuffled her feet slightly and a small blush fought its way up her neck when she realised what she had done. Tsu'tey's words about her still having a bit of fondness or weakness for her previous race. No, she protested in her mind and shoved the words away, she hated them. It was only Grace and Trudy that were the exceptions, though Jake was growing on her. Her human weaknesses.

The older Na'vi gave her a knowing smirk that showed her pearly white teeth, it was almost a predatory like smirk. Like she knew something Awa didn't." No"

"No?" She asked confused. "She expects me to just magically figure out an entire training on the spot? I've never trained anyone before" Awa stated and crossed her arms in front of her chest with a slight pout on her lips. Not only did she have to train him but she also had to think up a new program. Damn you Neytiri, she cursed in her head, damn you.

"I'm confident that you'll do what's right." Mo'at reassured Awa with a nod of her head and comforting, warm hand on the other Na'vi's arm and a motherly smile that Awa faintly returned, though where Mo'at's were strong and bright, Awa's was weak and confused.

"I'll uh figure something out" Awa sighed and rubbed a hand down her fatigued face.

"Until next time, young hunter" The Tsahìk responded before walking away with the normal, confident swish she always had in her step. Awa had always admired the strong woman, the confidence in her steps and voice, the way she carried herself, and her connection to Eywa and Pandora. She envied her, and all the other Na'vi, though the envy had faded a lot since she was finally one of the people but it was still there. Awa still felt like an outsider at times.

"Bye?" Awa whispered stunned at how Mo'at had just left without waiting for a response. She shook her head slightly and giggled, the woman was full of surprises and Awa had no doubt that she'd always find a way to surprise her.

...

"Get up!" Awa ordered and shook the hammock Jake Sully was still sleeping in. His motionless body laid turned over on his side, facing Neytiri's hammock. She grinned a little at that, looks like someone's got a itty bitty crush on the daughter of the leaders. Too bad she's betrothed-. Her small smile fell at that, memories of that day washing over her in tearful, mind numbing, horrifying waves. Her heart ached when she thought about him and all the memories the two had.

She shook her head, trying to get rid of the memories that seemed to crawl up on her every once in a while. The anniversary was soon. She read somewhere that if you force a smile on your face it will fool your mind that you're happy. Seeing Jake brought back so many memories of him, memories of a time she could never go back to.

She forced the smile on her lips, the fake stretching of her lips felt uncomfortable but as the seconds ticked by the smile felt more and more genuine. The bad memories slowly ebbed away as the tide of positivity rolled in, she was alive and well. She had survived, she's a survivor.

"Jake! Get up!" She called again and shook his hammock so hard it begun swinging slightly but he didn't shift or anything.

"Awa... Aren't you forgetting something" The deep husky voice she loved asked behind her with humor coating his words. "He's a dreamwalker"

Awa sputtered like a fish at land, her mouth opening and closing without a sound coming out. Her heart raced in a mixture of a reaction to his voice and him scaring her. "I-I-I knew that!"

"Of course" Tsu'tey told her and leaned down to press a greeting kiss on her cheek. "I see you"

She grumbled under her breath but turned her head around and placed a soft hand on his soft cheek that her mate leaned into. "I see you"

"I heard from Atxa that you're his teacher for the day" He wrapped his strong, lean arms around her waist and pulled her back against his chest, their tails entwining and their legs hanging off the edge of the ledge. He rested his head on her shoulder and she leaned her head against his and sighed.

"Yeah. Tsahìk told me earlier. Neytiri didn't tell her what I'm supposed to do, though. I don't know what to do, I've never trained anyone before, much less a dreamwalker" Awa complained lightly and picked up one of his hands that rested on her thigh, she traced the lines with a tender, feather light touch.

He hummed, the sound vibrating from his throat and through her body. She turned her head slightly and saw that he had closed his eyes. "You'll figure something out, you're good at that."

"I don't know about that, I don't do well with stress." She chuckled slightly and entwined their hands. "Are you already tired?"

"I wouldn't be tired if I got any sleep yesterday" He cheekily responded and opened one eye to watch her reaction to her words.

"Tsu'tey" She whined in embareesement at his words. "That's not-" Awa whispered harshly after making sure no other Na'vi were near them, and gently pushed his head which plopped right back on her shoulder after she let go.

"That's not what? I only meant that you kept me up all night exploring the forest." He grinned with a little teeth, but his eyes were still closed. "You have a dirty mind"

"I'll get you for that later" She promised him with a warning finger that he couldn't see but he knew her well enough to know it was there.

"Whatever you say" He shot back with a slight curl of his lip before he yawned. "You should have gone easy on me, I won't make it through the day without a nap"

"Then go take a nap" Awa deadpanned and shoved him slightly but kept their hands together, showing that she was kidding. "No one's stopping you"

At that he opened his eyes a sliver, brought their hands up and threw a pointed look at her before closing his eyes again. "I don't want to nap alone"

"Well I can't nap with you now, I have to see when Jake decides to stop being a lazy asshole and actually show up" Awa muttered bitterly, if it wasn't bad enough that she had to train him she now had to refuse a offer to nap with Tsu'tey.

"Awa?" A tired and confused voice asked her and she looked down on the hammock to see Jake slowly waking up.

"I'll see you later, I love you" Tsu'tey unwrapped himself and stood up, but not before pressing a deep kiss to her lips which she returned eagerly.

"I love you too" She responded, still a little bit dazed after the heavy kiss. Tsu'tey stroked a hand down her braids before walking away from Awa and a now half-awake Jake. He didn't want Jake to see that side of him that he only allowed her to see, and he didn't want to be around the dreamwalker more than he had to.

"Where's Neytiri?" Jake asked once he sat up and rubbed his tired eyes.

"She's away hunting, I'm your teacher for today" Awa stated while standing up with cold, hard eyes. "How long have you gotten in your hunting?"

He rubbed his eyes again and made his way to the ledge she was standing on before he saw it fit to answer her. "She was teaching me how to shoot with a bow"

Awa hummed and thought for a few seconds. She could take him out to the target practise area and continue what Neytiri had started or she could take him into the woods and practise his shooting there. On one hand if they did it near hometree it would be a lot safer and probably easier for Jake, not to mention that she could run off and leave him if it got too much, but on the other hand it would be better practise if he did it in the woods, plus he would get some more physical training and challenges. "Then that's what we're going to do today too. Where's your bow?"

"I don't know, she took it when we were done. Said something about me being a skxawng " He replied and rubbed his neck with one hand and scratched his stomach with the other. He wasn't in control of his body yet, Awa noted as she watched him accidentally hit himself several times with both his tail and movements that just weren't right.

"I understand her." Awa remarked dryly with an unimpressed look on her face. She understood that he was new to this body and all but it was still surprising that he still wasn't in good control of himself, even more so that Neytiri hadn't done anything about it. Maybe she liked seeing him hit himself.

"So, where are we going to shoot?" Jake asked enthusiastically, his body practically vibrating in anticipation of being able to practice again.

...

That somewhere happened to be one of Awa's least favorite places in the forest, not because of a certain memory attached to the place but just because she hadn't connected with that spot as much as she had the others. It was just as beautiful as the rest of the forest with various shades of green and other colors that painted a surreal picture. No matter how many times she saw the nature on Pandora she would be as much in awe as she was the first time.

"Now show me what Neytiri taught you" Awa demanded as she straightened her back and marched up to where Jake was standing with his training bow limply held in his hand as he stared at the large target she had hung in one of the surrounding trees.

She could hear his deep inhale and exhale as he drew the bow and she had to stop herself from snorting at how wrong he was doing it but she reminded herself how bad she was at it in the beginning too. How she had blisters constantly on her hands, and how she didn't have enough arm strength in the beginning to even draw the bow properly.

Awa walked closer to him and gently tapped his leg to make him take a little bit wider stance and properly align his feet. He did as she directed him without thinking which made her gently smack him on his leg. "Pay attention!" If he wasn't willing to learn then why was he there?

Jake nodded and relaxed his stance slightly. She tapped his stomach gently and he nodded at her and tensed his stomach. "Remember that you can either pull back the string, or anchor point, to the corner of your mouth, your chin or cheek. I suggest you pick one and stick to it, personally I prefer to draw it to my mouth." Until this moment she never realised what Atxa meant with the whole formal and serious attitude needed for training. Bless his heart.

Jake drew his bow up to his cheek, he didn't seem to have stron enough arms to do it smoothly yet either. He needs to improve that, she noted and promised herself to tell Neytiri this. She could see his muscles shake slightly and she shook her head slightly before getting her head out of the clouds. "Relax your hold on the bow" She gently reminded when she saw his knuckles begin to pale and he slightly relaxed his grip with a doubtful look on his face. "You need to trust me"

Awa needed to speed this up, holding the bow drawn for a longer time wouldn't help him in any way, it would only tire him out and possibly frustrate him. "Aim" She commanded and she saw him slightly shift where he was pointing but she could see that he would miss big time but she chose not to say anything. He would learn eventually.

"Keep your body in the same stance as you did before shooting" Awa told him and then told him to release the arrow which he did sloppily and it did a nose dive and landed limply in the ground just a meter or two in front of them.

"Do it again"

Jake picked up his arrow and went back to his place and placed the arrow in its place and drew the bow again, being mindful of keeping his core tenses, pulling with his back muscles and keeping the correct stance. Awa watched him more carefully this time, his technique was better than the previous time but still not near good enough to make a good shot. "Aim"

Jake aimed with his right eye, directing his bow so that it pointed to his target that was hanging here, taunting him.

"Shoot" Awa said and placed her hands on her hips, her voice just as strong and calm as the first time she told him to shoot.

He missed again but actually missed in the right direction this time. The arrow still laid a meter or two in front of them but was pointed in the direction of the target, so she considered that some improvement. With time he would learn. 


	24. Chapter 24

"So what are we doing today?" Awa asked Atxa as they stood at the edge of the forest with a couple of other hunters, including Tsu'tey who she hadn't been able to keep her eyes off. Not that he acknowledged her, in fact he hadn't even looked her way once since she and her mentor got there.

"If you stopped staring at Tsu'tey you would know" Atxa bit back, which earned him a blush from Awa who immediately looked away from said Na'i, and chuckles from the other hunters who overheard the words.

The group of hunters stood just before the small trail leading them through the thick forest opening and into the dark unknown. Tall grass hid a large part of the forest floor from their vision and shielded anything that may await them once they step inside. The archery lane used by children not old enough to train in the forest was empty and the lack of voices from the other clan members made the silence thick and heavy in the air. The patch of grass just before the beginning of the trail was yellow and dead but the surrounding grass was green and healthy. The furthest into the forest Awa could see was the hint of something neon purple a few meters away, it looked like a big plant or one of those mushrooms she still hadn't learnt the name of.

As soon as Awa woke in her body that morning she was dragged out of her hammock and down the long spiral stairs that led to the eating hall. There Atxa had forced her to eat a small breakfast and then he dragged her to where they stood now, and had been standing for hours. She had no idea why they were there and had probably missed it during her staring at Tsu'tey. Somehow he looked better now than last time she saw him, his hair was more carefully braided, his clothes cleaner and more vibrant and his posture straight, confident and proud. She briefly entertained the thought that something had changed in his mind about her and it was all for her, but she quickly shot it down because he hadn't once looked in her direction since she got there.

Awa cleared her throat once to get Atxa's attention before speaking. "So what exactly are we doing here?" Her eyes was just barely staying open and her speech was slow and lazy.

"Hunting, of course, as I've already told you before" Atxa murmured down to her, his voice so quiet she had to strain her ears to hear it. It was as if he was afraid to break the tense silence that enveloped them like a thick blanket, threatening to suffocate them at any moment. "Only a small animal, though, for food. Don't worry, Awa"

"I always worry" Awa shot back, her voice matching the whisper in his. Her tail briefly swung before it stilled again, a small sign of her growing displeasure with the situation.

She noticed a moment in the corner of her eye and turned her head around to find Tsu'tey already looking at her. His eyes narrowed, but not quite into slits, and his body language was closed off. She couldn't read anything off him which made her uncomfortable and hesitant. She had come to rely on body language to understand the social interactions she had, and how to properly communicate with the Na'vi. She had become so dependant on it that her human interaction skills had started to drop because of neglect. As time passed she grew more and more passive in her conversations with her fellow humans and was just generally not interested. Though Quaritch still hadn't let up with his abuse, if only he grew worse with time. She still hadn't told Atxa about it and didn't plan to anytime soon, Awa didn't need to make it even more complicated than it already is.

His eyes softened slightly as he stared at her but then they hardened just as fast as they had softened. Tsu'tey looked away and to the front again but this time there was a slight falter in his previously rod straight back, almost unnoticeable unless you knew it was there. She knew it was there.

"I know, this will be your first hunt." Atxa responded seriously, his stern eyes stared into hers and she quickly averted hers. She had never liked eye contact, and often staring into someone's eyes was a challenge or a sign of defiance.

"How- no- I've hunted before" She stuttered slightly, confused at his words. This was her first hunt? But they've hunted together many times before.

"Your first hunt with other clan members, you should thank Tsu'tey for allowing you to come with us." A small teasing grin grew on her teacher's face, and he winked at her before turning his head back to the front.

She fought off the blush that wanted to grow up her neck and glanced in the hunter's direction and Awa swore that she could see the slightest of movement of Tsu'tey's neck, as if he had been looking at her but turned his head around in the last second before she looked at him.

"I'll make sure I do" Awa grinned, this would give her an excuse to talk to him, and she wouldn't chicken out at last second as run off with her face shining brightly with her blush. On the other hand, talking to him, even because Atxa told her to, means she' ll have to endure his harsh words, burning feeling of hatred and moods that shifted like the weather back on Earth. She was still determined to prove herself to him, he was just another obstacle to get over, just like Ngeha and Atxa told her. "Sooo, what are we waiting for? I mean, we've been standing here for hours"

"We're waiting for Tsu'tey to tell us it's time to hunt. I don't know what he's waiting for but I know there's a reason." Atxa replied with a slight twinge of exasperation to his voice. "He takes his role very seriously"

"So we just wait?" Awa asked frustrated. She didn't want to wait, she wanted to hunt, but most of all she wanted to prove herself to all the clan members.

Atxa nodded and gently directed her face forward with two of his fingers. "Don't worry, young one, it's only small prey. It might even give you a chance to show off to Tsu'tey"

"I-I don't want to show off for him!" Awa protested with a stutter in her loud voice. "Why would I want to do that?"

Atxa gave her a look that screamed 'I don't believe you' with a slight curl of his lips and mirth dancing in his eyes. He snickered slightly and he made a choked sound, almost as if he was trying to force down a chuckle. It was obvious that he was trying not to laugh at her, and she would be lying if she said that it didn't make heat rise to her face.

"We leave now" Tsu'tey gruffed out, and looked at each of the members of his hunting team, lingering on Awa a little longer and then moving on. "We will split up into three groups and each group will take three yerik. We'll meet back here at noon"

Awa looked to Atxa for guidance and he gently pushed her shoulder and gestured for her to follow him and the rest of their small group into the dark forest ahead of them. There were 3 other Na'vi in their group, she didn't recognise any of them. She could recognise one of the hunters in Tsu'tey's group as the Na'vi who had been rude to her that one time she was going to meet Atxa. She muttered a few curses under her breath that she hoped Atxa didn't hear, he had learnt enough of them to know when she was cursing, and he didn't like it.

"Why are we splitting up? Wouldn't it make more sense if we went in one big group and hunted together?" Awa asked while kicking some rocks that laid on the trail ahead of them. Behind her she could hear the exasperated sigh from the other hunters. The human winced at the sound and wrapped her arms around her stomach.

"We split up because it's easier, safer and faster. We don't take all the animals from the same pack, so it saves a lot of time if we split up and track down animals from different packs and places." He explained to her while glaring at the hunters behind her. The hunters cringed at the look and averted their eyes to the ground, they knew not to mess with Atxa. "Don't be ashamed to ask questions Awa, it's the only way you'll learn"

She nodded with a thoughtful look on her face. So the Na'vi hunted in small groups, often on foot or riding their pa'lis. It was safer that way, Atxa had explained to her, maybe it was because a smaller number meant less chance at being discovered by something dangerous, or that smaller number meant a smaller risk that they'd accidentally hurt each other. Awa would bet on the first one, the Na'vi were experts on handling their weapons so it couldn't be because of hunting related accidents.

"Thanks, teacher" She told him with a grateful smile. If it wasn't for him and his continuous support she would have given up long ago, Tsu'tey on his own was enough to deter her from continuing, not to mention the rest of the clan, but Ngeha and Atxa kept her spirits up. She owed them more than she could ever repay.

"Now focus" Atxa ordered and pointed to the trail. "Track the yerik"

\---

It took her at least an hour to track down one yerik who was brave enough, or foolish enough, to be alone from the rest of the pack. Awa had chosen the wrong path several times and each time she chose the wrong one the other hunters in the group would groan and complain. Atxa had stopped correcting them after a while, only opting to oversee her progress and what she was doing. She was ashamed to say that the only reason she found this one was because she chose a random direction and just started walking there, she wouldn't tell Atxa that, of course.

"Good job, Awa" He congratulated her and clapped her on the shoulder with a proud grin on his lips. He didn't seem to care how many tries it took, or how much time they spent, only that she eventually got there.

"Thanks" She muttered, trying to block out the sound of the hunters mocking her. 'She should go back to the humans' they said, 'she can't even track some yerik, pathetic', they continued, 'I can't believe Atxa is training her', they muttered. Each demeaning sentence pulled a piece of her sloppily repaired confidence, furthering the cracks and overflowing her with their waves of hate and doubt. She was drowning in it, the success of her track meant nothing, she could only feel the self hatred growing on her. Maybe she should just give up and go back to the ba-NO, she is not giving up. Fuck those hunters and their opinions, a lion doesn't concern herself with the opinions of the sheep. She tracked down the yerik, she's been advancing faster than what she thought was possible. She did what others couldn't, she lives with the Na'vi!

"Don't listen to them, they'll see your strength eventually" Atxa advised her with a sorrowful look in his eye, as if he didn't want her to through it but had no choice but to. Like it was a necessary evil.

"I won't" She promised with a watery smile, her words rang true but both she and Atxa could hear the waver in them. She couldn't help but listen to them, she seeked the clan's approval so of course it hurt when they continued to push her down. She understood it, but that didn't make it hurt any less. She had noticed some of them had started to warm up to her, or at least get used to her, so she wasn't all negative about her future.

A low throaty growl reached her ears, making all sorts of instinctual alarms go off inside her. She recognised the growl from somewhere, but where? She heard the rumbling sound again and turned around, trying to find the source but no matter where she turned the growl surrounded her. It was like there wasn't one source of it. She stopped moving and focused on the growl, or rather growls. It wasn't one sound, it was several sounds that blended together.

"Do your hear that?" She asked shakily, her legs started to shake and cold sweat started forming on her forehead. Her body screamed at her to leave the place but she had to know what it was, she had to know if she was right in this.

"Hear what, human?" One of the hunters sneered at her, he was the one with three deep scars on his chest that he paraded around. He stared at his friends who all sneered at her and then cackled. It hurt her that they found the time to be so hurtful even in serious situations like this.

The growl got louder and it shut the hunters up immediately. They all paled as the growl came closer and closer to where they were. "That sound" Awa murmured with a cautious tone, she didn't want to be too loud in case the predator didn't know exactly where they were.

Atxa inched closer to her with a blank look on his face, a mask so good it took years to master. Hers wasn't nearly as good, her terror could be seen clear on her face, her eyes were wide, her mouth open and her jaw slack. She had never heard a sound so terrifying before, the growl vibrated through the air and to her.

"What do we do?" Awa whispered lowly, keeping watch of her surroundings. She tried to see if any of the bushes moved or shook because of whatever was stalking them but she came up with nothing. Their surrounding were completely still, and if it wasn't for the growls around them she would have thought they were alone.

All of a sudden a gigantic black shape lunged out of the bushed at Atxa with its claws stretched out. "Run!" Atxa yelled as he dodged the beast and pulled her by the arm. The tall beast shook its maw when it came up with nothing and Awa could see it staring at her when she cast a look back. Her legs were shakily pumping her forwards but she could feel herself slowing down. Her fear was paralyzing her.

"Keep running!" Atxa yelled at her with a pointed shake of her shoulders, his voice was urgent and filled with panic. He had no idea if they were going to make it out of this, they hadn't seen the palulukan coming and had been ambushed. They were no match for the great beast that brought fear even in the bravest of Na'vi hearts.

Awa wanted to keep on running, by Eywa she never wanted to stop, but she physically couldn't. Her legs didn't carry her anymore, and even though the adrenalin flowing through her veins should have brought her the strength and speed she needed to run away from it she couldn't. It was as if she wasn't mean to run, if anything she felt a pull towards it, and the longer she stared back at it rushing at them her fear of it ebbed away. She released Atxa and shook her head when he looked back at her.

"I need to do this" She whispered to him and he tried to grab onto her again but she sprinted towards the beast, somewhere she thought he would never follow. Awa stared at the beast in front of her with an awed look on her face, her surroundings faded away into a dull white and all she could see was the thanator rushing towards her with its jaws wide open and ready to take her to Eywa. For some reason she didn't fear it, no, there was no fear in her heart as she stared at it. Her, she corrected. She felt no fear when she stared at her. She could see the panic in its eyes, the kind a mother gets when their children gets taken from them or are in pain.

"Awa!" He screamed at her and to her surprise he rushed right after her and just barely managed to pull them both away from the palulukan's snapping jaws. It growled in displeasure, its tail swung harshly from side to side as it growled at them.

"You shouldn't have done that" Awa whispered but her heart warmed at the thought that he was willing to rush into death to save her. The fall shook her out of her daze and panic filled her heart once more, making it race and her body shake with the need to run far away. "I don't know why I did that! Why would I do that?!" She cried harshly, the confusion falling over her in devastating waves.

"I don't know, Awa, but we need to get out of here" He whispered and tried to calm her down before she alerted the palulukan of their exact location. He could see it sniffing around the area he pulled them into but it hadn't discovered them just yet.

She nodded mutely and with fat tears rolling silently down her cheeks at the thought of what she almost did. She had no idea why she would want to sacrifice herself to the animal, it was beyond her why she would do that. First the visions and now this. Was there anything Eywa wouldn't do to confuse her?

'On three' He mouthed to her and she stared into his scared eyes before nodding slowly. The fear wrecking her body had tired her out and she had trouble getting to her feet again. Her head swam with questions and spun with exhaustion. Nonetheless she pushed herself to her feet, she wasn't going to go down that easy after all she had gone through to get there, this would without a doubt impress the Na'vi.

1,2,3, and they were off. They sprinted next to each other with Atxa holding a firm hand around her arm to make sure she didn't run off like she did last time. She had no idea where the other hunters were but she hoped that they had made it and were telling Tsu'tey about this. Oh Tsu'tey, she whispered in her head. He was not going to be happy, but a small part of her hoped that he would be relieved to see her still alive after all of this, that he would recognize her bravery and respect her.

She heard the outrageous roar from the animal on their heels before she felt a force rip Atxa away from her. "NO!" She screamed through her sobs as she fell to the ground, she couldn't feel his hand on her anymore.

Awa scrambled to her feet with pure fear pulsing through her veins, it took him! She tried to see where it had taken him but she could only see the tracks they had left on the ground. Specks of red blood laid on the ground and the sight filled her with anger. That thing had hurt her best friend, her teacher. She couldn't let it kill the only person who believed in her no matter what. Awa wouldn't let him die because of her mistake, even if it killed her.

She rushed after it, following the tracks left behind in the ground. She panted harshly and her heart pounded in her chest. Awa had tears rushing down her cheeks that made the wounds there sting, but she welcomed the pain. It kept her mind clear.

The closer Awa got the more she could hear the struggle Atxa put up, she could hear his pained groans and the harsh growling and snarling from the beast that took him. The dreamwalker forced her aching limbs to take her bow and align an arrow in it, she was going to have to kill it. As much as her soul ached because of it she had to. It wasn't because of revenge but because she wouldn't let it kill her friend.

Nothing could prepare her for the scene she walked in on. The black and purple beast stood towering over Atxa on its four legs and was growling down on him. Awa thought it looked like the thanator was... taunting him. Atxa was trying to push himself away from the animal on top of him but it merely pulled him back when he came a bit away from it. She stared horrified at all the blood surrounding them, both Na'vi and palulukan. Atxa was covered in it, but she couldn't see any too serious injuries, or rather any injuries that meant that he was going to die.

She forced her face to harden and tensed her body as she pulled the bow up properly and aimed for the great beast. She released the first arrow with a small war cry, one that echoed with the pain she felt for her pain, and the anger she felt at the beast she was going to kill. It hit the animal in the neck, doing nothing but angering the great beast. Awa quickly grabbed another one and released it at the animal, then another, another, and finally after what felt like an eternity of shooting arrows at the animal it fell to the ground just a few meters away from her. It had started storming towards her after the fourth arrow with eyes like angry fires, just waiting to burn her.

Awa walked up to it, grabbed her knife and slit its throat and with a sick fascination that could only come from someone that just got revenge for a friend could feel. After the creature stopped moving she sang the prayer for it, putting her heart into it. She had gotten her revenge and now it was time to honor the animal that had fought bravely. Now that all her negative emotions were let out she saw the animal for what it was, a protective mother just trying to make sure her young had the best chance. Unfortunately that had led to this, and the fact made her sad.

"Atxa" She gasped and rushed to where he was gasping on the ground. "How hurt are you?"

"Awa" He whispered with awe in his eyes. He coughed harshly but to her relief no blood came up. He was going to be just fine. "You saved me"

The dreamwalker sighed and then laughed, the sound was clear and high. Her relief was beyond words. She had managed to save him, even if it was her fault, she had saved him."Of course I saved you, you're my teacher"


	25. Chapter 25

AN: I've published another Avatar fanfic named Effervescent and it's extremely different from this one so you should go check it out. If you haven't already, that is. Now enjoy the chapter! (Not saying it's a filler chapter but it's a filler chapter)

"Do you know what day it is?" Awa whispered in Tsu'tey's ear as they ate their breakfast together with the clan. She had decided not to braid her hair today and instead opted to let her hair fall in it's naturally curly state, flowing down her back like a dark waterfall. It was a special day afterall, and she felt like dolling herself up for the occasion. "Hmm?" She hummed and leaned back to her seat, grabbing one of the colorful fruits from one of the bowls before them.

The eating hall that they were in was grand and spacious, it had to be in order to house all of the clan members at the same time, plus any guests they may have. Right now they had one or two guests from the sea clan, Metkayina, that is lead by the honorable warrior Tonowari. They ride big sea animals known as ilu, she had never seen one before but she hoped that she one day would be able to. From the stories of the magnificent beasts she could only imagine how it must feel to ride one of them.

Lur'ja and Triya were the names of the visitors, a newly mated pair that wanted to explore the rest of Pandora. So far they had visited 3 of the known Na'vi clans including the Omaticaya. Awa hadn't had the chance to talk to them and she wouldn't be able to talk to them before they left, unfortunately they only spent a day or two with each clan before they moved on, and today were their last day, and if Awa's plans went the way she wanted to then she would sadly miss them.

"No, what?" He asked and popped a episoth seed in his mouth, savoring the taste of it. The already sweet seed tasted even sweeter because of the trouble he went through to get it. The Espoth trees were tall and the flowers on the trees exploded when they were ripe, he had been keeping a close eye on one of them and just yesterday he could collect the seeds he was now eating. A nice collection of them laid on the wooden plate in front of him and Awa to snack on as they felt like it. He feigned ignorance but the teasing look in his eyes betrayed his otherwise flawless facade.

Awa decided to play along his little game of charade with a small roll of her eyes and a flick of her finger on his ear. "Do you really not remember?"

He shook his head in response to her question and ducked his head when he felt a big grin grow on his lips. Tsu'tey glanced up at her from his ducked down position with mirth dancing in his eyes when he realised that she was playing along, the small ball of worry that had grown in his stomach disappeared. "Can't say I do" The Na'vi shot back and rubbed his chin in thought, he wondered how long he could do this before she forced him to confess. "You could always tell me what day it is"

"It's a special day" Awa offered with a faux glare in her eyes and then stole the episoth seed he held in his hand. It was his favorite snack and he could gobble down a bowl of them down faster than she could say 'hi'. Tsu'tey always remembered to share some of them by placing a few of them in a different bowl and placing it right in front of her, and while it wasn't her favorite snack she still enjoyed them and the action warmed her heart each time.

"Hmm, is it the anniversary of meeting Khan?" He asked after taking a handful of yovo fruits in a bowl on his right, Awa's favorite fruit. He plucked off the green top and bottom of it and offered half of them to Awa, who gingerly took the offered fruits and placed them on the plate in front of her that was full of other fruits and vegetables she had helped herself to. "No, that was a while ago. Is it the anniversary of becoming one of the people?" Tsu'tey tried again before eating one of the fruits in his palm and wiping off the juice from it on a small cloth on the ground.

Awa sputtered and threw one of the wet cloths at his grinning face after making sure no one was looking at them. "Tsu" She whined while dragging out the 'u'. "Stop teasing me and just admit that you've been looking forward to it as much, if not more, than me"

"Agh" He groaned, throwing his head back and then rolled it back forwards. "I was having so much fun" Her mate complained to her after finishing his small tantrum that was quite frankly ridiculous.

"Too bad" Awa shot back with a teasing tone in her voice to show him that she wasn't actually annoyed with him. She stroked her tail against his back and then let it fall flat against the floor, hoping that Jake wasn't going to step on it when going past them.

Speaking of Jake, the mated pair had deliberately chosen to seat themselves as far away from Neytiri and Jake as possible for a lot of reasons. One being that neither of them were fond of the dreamwalker, and that they always sat some distance away from the other Na'vi to have some privacy with each other before facing the day.

"It's our anniversary" He lowered his tone as he whispered the words into her ear, making a loving smile grow on her face and her heart race. Tsu'tey pressed a small peck on the skin below her ear before returning to his seat. There were far too many people watching them for his liking, the little bit of PDA they had shown had made him uncomfortable and he longed for when they were alone again. "Happy now?"

"Depends on what you've planned for us" She replied with a smirk on her face. She plucked a banana fruit slice and gingerly ate ate, all while staring at her mate who she could visibly see was thinking very hard. "I've planned our date for a long time and I hope that you've at least put some thought to whatever you're cooking up now"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I planned our anniversary a long time ago, do you really doubt me so?" Tsu'tey asked her after a hot minute of him planning their activities for the day. "And... I know you're not going to let me choose what we're going to do. It would be foolish of me to assume otherwise"

Awa nodded in agreement, even if he had planned beforehand she was going to change some of it. Their anniversary was something that she had been looking forwards to and had a vision of how she wanted it to be. She was the one who usually planned all of their celebrations and often helped Mo'at with the clan celebrations and traditions. She was in other words the part time, inofficial, party planner of the Omaticaya clan.

"True, but this time I'm leaving it all up to you so you better have something good planned" Awa warned but there was no real threat behind her words. The woman dabbed her piece of cloth on her lips to dry off any juices from her breakfast, her eyes were drilling into his.

"We can go to the tree of atan?" He said uncertainly and what was supposed to be a confident declaration turned into a question.

"The tree of atan? We haven't been there since before I completed my iknimaya" Awa's eyes were wide with nostalgia as she thought back to their celebration of her finishing the ancient rite of passage into adulthood. It was also there that her and Tsu'tey officially became what the humans would call 'engaged'. "I love it" She burst out in a loud voice that made her shrink into herself after the many stares and head turns it got her.

Tsu'tey's chest puffed out and he beamed with pride. "I knew you would."

\---

Awa gently landed Lilo on one of the big rocks surrounding the tree of light and waited patiently until Tsu'tey felt like joining her. Yllä had been in a very testy mood lately, not even letting Lilo close to him and had been very reluctant to let Tsu'tey mount him until tsaheylu was made. Awa's theory was that the ikran could sense the same thing she could, that something big was coming for them.

"Are you coming down today or do you want to do a rain check?" She chuckled and dismounted her ikran. Awa stroked a affectionate hand down Lilo's head and smiled at the soft shrieks and growls that the animal let out in response to the soft petting.

"I'm coming down today, you know he's in a bad mood" Tsu'tey shot back in defense of him and his ikran who were still circling above them in small circles. The ikran screeched its agreement to the statement, the sound harsh and accurately showing the mood it was in.

"Just holler at me when you do come down. I'll start on my own" Awa teasingly yelled up to him and then laughed at the sour frown he sent down to her. She hopped down from the rock and stumbled slightly but quickly righted herself. She had never been much of a climber, something that even Atxa couldn't make her interested in.

She ignored the protest he made and walked over to the big tree they had decided to spend their anniversary around. The tree of light was called so because of the white, bright glow it gave during the night and a story involving the very first Toruk Makto. It was under the Tree of light that he seeked counsel from Awa about how to save the tree of souls from being destroyed by the volcano. He had sat down along with the three boys and together they had sang their questions to Eywa.

The Na'vi woman bowed her head deep in respect and then sat down at the base of the tall tree. The bark was covered in white and green moss, and green vines snaked up the trunk of it. The crown of it was a bright white with some low hanging leaves that was a bright pink but lit a pale green during the night. She gently grabbed a hold of one of them and stroked her hand down it, feeling all the bumps and ridges of it as if she was touching history.

She placed down the basket of food they had gotten from the cooks in the clan. It was a variety of meats, vegetables and sweet fruits. She had made sure they packed some banana fruit, some episoth seeds for her mate, grilled teylu that smelled delicious and some lion berry seeds. Tsu'tey had the dapophet leaves and some bladder polyps that were somewhat like a pickle, something that she hated with passion and therefore refused to touch the repulsive plant and had forced Tsu'tey to carry them if he wanted some.

Her head snapped up when she heard light footsteps approaching her, and a smile tugged at her lips when she saw the irritated scowl on Tsu'tey's face. The usual sway in his steps were even more noticeable when he was angry or displeased with something and he would either swagger towards someone or away from them. "So Yllä finally let you down, huh?"

"I gave him some meat" Came his explanation and he plopped down in front of her with a sigh. "I've never seen a mating season this bad. Not even when he didn't have a mate" Tsu'tey continued with a slight tiredness showing in his voice that he refused to show on his face. Even when they were alone he tried to keep the facade up, but sometimes he let it down and confided in her.

"Eat some seeds and you'll be right as rain" Awa adviced and pushed the leaf containing some of the seeds towards him with a reassuring smile on her face. She nodded her head and gestured towards the food when he looked up at her. "Eat it."

His expression turned into clear confusion at her words. "Awa, what does right as rain mean. Is this another one of your human expressions?" He hid his contempt for the word human well but she could see through the veil. She often used human expressions that she had been taught during her childhood but always forgets that sometimes the direct translation of them didn't work or that none of the Na'vi understood what she meant with them.

"It means that everything will be fine" She explained while eating her banana fruit, trying to make sure none of the juices escaped and ran down her face. Awa used to be a very neat eater but as soon as she had to get used to Pandoran foods she had to relearn it all again, and now she was almost back at that neat eating she used to be but some foods just couldn't be eaten neatly.

"But why rain?" Her mate asked, still confused by the strange expression. "I don't understand your human sayings, they’re ridiculous." Tsu'tey popped a seed in his mouth and grinded it down with his teeth as he looked at her expectantly.

"I don't actually know" Awa realised, she had never thought about why they said it, only that they do say it. "I think it's got some kind of a historical meaning to it but I've never thought of it" She wiped off her mouth with one of the edible leaves they had brought with them.

"If you don't know what something means then why would you say it? Your human kind is strange" Tsu'tey gave up on trying to understand the saying and instead scooted closer to Awa with his hand full of eposoth seeds that he had yet to eat.

Tsu'tey wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. When she was close enough for him he dropped the arm on her shoulders and instead used it to hold her unoccupied hand, and then entwined their fingers. He offered her a seed from his palm but she shook her head with a loving grin pulling at her lips, and instead pushed the hand closer to him.

"What have you planned for us to do after we eat?" Awa asked sheepishly when she realised how ungrateful it made her sound. "Not that I don't enjoy this, I just want to know. This is perfect, I love it!" She hurried out when she saw that look in his eyes begin to form.

"I don't have anything planned. I was thinking we could explore the area and maybe take another flight before going back home." Tsu'tey responded to her question and then popped a dozen or more of the seeds in his mouth. He was addicted to that stuff. The male Na'vi tried to hide the smile on his face but only managed to make it even more obvious. "What do you want to do?"

She thought for a few seconds before turning on him, and after making sure he had properly chewed and swallowed his seeds, she pushed him so that he laid flat on his back. Awa hummed and stroked a loving hand down his toned chest, tracing one of his more noticeable scars on his pec that he got during his training as a child. Tsu'tey tried to push himself back up but Awa snickered and pushed him back down. "Just relax, Tsu'tey" She told him and reached down to pick up his tswin with careful movements. "This is what I want to do" She continued and without further ado she connected his tswin to her own, connecting them to each other. Tsu'tey groaned and then wrapped a strong arm around her waist. 


	26. Chapter 26

_Awa's legs shook with fervor, it felt like they were going to burst as she took slow steps across the destroyed ground where the powerful beast had plowed through just an hour ago. Her eyes were still wide with fear and bloodshot. That had been closer than she would have liked, way too close. Atxa was lucky to still be alive, to have survived the attack of a beast of that caliber and walk away with minor injuries._

_Crimson red dripped down her arm in thick, red pearls and formed little rivers that clashed against the blue of her skin. It had nicked her when it grabbed Atxa, slicing its claws through her skin like one would butter. She hadn't even noticed it until the adrenaline cooled down and a pulsing ache began in her arm. She too had survived an attack by the fearsome palulukan, but not as Atxa had. Sure she had been the one to rescue him, but she was also the reason he had to be rescued._

_She pressed her other hand against the pulsing wound and hissed at the sharp sting it let out when her dirty hand came into contact with the fresh wound. Tears welled up in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. Her mouth was dry and her body cold and shaking. Awa raised her head and catched the hard eyes of Tsu'tey._

_"_ **_Tsu'tey_ ** _" She whispered, her voice calling him to her but too tired to put any power behind her words. Awa stumbled towards him even though his eyes frowned down on her with that same hatred still swirling in his eyes. "_ **_I didn't mean to_ ** _"_

_"_ **_Mean to do what, demon?_ ** _" He asked with a deep scowl on his face that made him seem much older than he actually was. His posture was tense and knuckles clenched so tightly together they turned a very light blue. His brows were furrowed tightly and his shoulders squared and tense._

_"_ **_Make Atxa get hurt_ ** _" Awa answered with a lone tear falling from her eye and running down her cheek. Her voice shook and trembled with suppressed sorrow and sobbs. A hand came to rest above her heart where she clenched it into a fist._

_"_ **_What did you do?_ ** _" He snarled, his eyes unforgiving and angry. Tsu'tey took a step forward but then stopped himself from walking closer to her, the strain of the restraint showing on his face. "_ **_What.did.you.do?!_ ** _"_

_The dreamwalker flinched backwards and a shaky sob came from her. "_ **_I don't know what happened. One second we're running from the palulukan and then, and then_ ** _" She shook her head and tears starting rushing down her cheeks like waterfalls. "_ **_then I don't know what happened, I just felt this need to rush to her. I don't know why_ ** _"_

_Tsu'tey hissed at her with his mouth slightly open, showing his elongated canines. "_ **_This is why bugs like you are not allowed here. All you do is hurt, all you do is kill, you are worthless. You will never be one of the people!_ ** _"_

_Awa stumbled back as if the words hit her right in the face. Hurt soared through her body like fire, burning through each of her limbs and lighting it on fire. She choked up before she laid her hand over her mouth to muffle her cries. "_ **_I didn't mean to! I helped him! I killed the palulukan to save him!_ ** _" She screamed at the Na'vi while slightly crouching down, her ears laid flat against her head, her tail stood ramstraight behind her and her face were screwed up in hurt._

_"_ **_'I didn't mean to'_ ** _" He mocked and then snarled at her before pushing the arm he held the bow in up in the air. He dropped it back down but his posture was anything but calm and relaxed. His jaw was clenched so tightly it almost looked like he was going to crack his teeth. "_ **_I do not care for your excuses! They are worthless. You did this! You.did.this!_ ** _"_

_She shook her head with the heavy weight of her guilt weighing down her shoulders. "_ **_You don't think I know that? I'm aware that I did this, believe me I'm more than aware. But that doesn't change the fact that this wasn't what I meant to happen. I never wanted to get attacked by the palulukan, and I never wanted him to take the hurt for me!_ ** _" Awa gestured wildly with her arms, as if trying to get her point across better, but Tsu'tey was having none of it._

_"_ **_You are lucky he will not die from this. If he did I would hunt you down and kill you myself. Slowly and painfully._ ** _" He answered, his eyes glowing with the promise and a smirk grew on his face when he saw the fear on her face and her body that was practically shaking. Tsu'tey then firmly turned around and walked away, away from her._

_He doesn't mean that, she tried telling herself. He's just angry and hurt, she added but her heart still broke. The tears were running down her face nonstop and her heart clenched painfully with each beat. The guilt was eating her up inside, and Tsu'tey's words only sprayed salt in her bleeding wounds. She thought they had something, that he was finally growing to accept her, if even slightly._

_\---_

_A few days later and Atxa had been patched up and was already up and running as usual. Awa on the other hand was not as upbeat as Atxa was, the guilt of what happened weighed heavy on her conscience and didn't seem to let up. Didn't help that each time she saw Tsu'tey she was reminded of his words, and they affected her a lot. Words from an individual had never affected her as much as the ones that came from Tsu'tey did._

_"_ **_Are you listening to me? Awa?_ ** _" Ngeha snapped waved her hand in front of Awa's face when the avatar zoned out for what was probably the 100th time that day. There was a vacant look in the human's eyes and a heaviness to her walk that hadn't been there before. No one blamed her for what happened, not even Tsu'tey who had confided in Ngeha that he had overreacted._

_"_ **_Oh, yeah, sorry_ ** _" She responded with a sheepish half smile on her face. "_ **_I got distracted_ ** _"_

_"_ **_As I was saying, this is how you make tsaheylu. The bond_ ** _" Ngeha clarified and motioned to the two neural whips on the big pa'li in front of them._

_The creature was panting softly and stomped its hooves impatiently while staring at the two females. It had just finished eating the nectar from a couple of flowers below it and was now waiting for them to tell it what to do next._

_"Y_ **_ou connect your tswin to their and then mount it gently. For you I recommend mounting first and then tsaheylu, might make it easier for you not to startle her._ ** _" Ngeha advised Awa with a thoughtful frown on her face as she looked between the avatar and the horse-like animal. She had one hand placed on her cocked hip and the other hanging limply by her side._

_Awa sighed frustrated through her nose. "_ **_I know, I've studied all of this before_ ** _"_

_Ngeha hissed at her and then slapped her right over the head, making sure to catch her sensitive ears in with the slap. Her eyes flashed dangerously at the avatar in front of her. "_ **_You say you want to learn but your mind is closed. You have not studied from us, you know nothing. Until you want to learn from us I can't teach you._ ** _"_

_The avatar winced and rubbed her sore head, sporting a pout on her face. "_ **_I'm sorry. Continue_ ** _" She realised in that moment how ignorant she had sounded, she got the chance to learn from Ngeha herself and she spat the Na'vi right in the face when she tried to do so. "_ **_I'm working on my attitude as well._ ** _"_

_The Na'vi stared down her nose at her and then nodded once, accepting the apology but she had a bit of skepticism in her eyes that lingered. "_ **_Mount her, and then make tsaheylu. This lesson will only be about learning to ride a pa'li._ ** _"_

_Awa nodded and walked forward to the animal with slow steps as to not frighten the gentle giant. She hushed it slightly when it flinched when she reached up to pet its flank. Awa hummed for it, the sound vibrating in the front part of her mouth. She reached up and placed a hand on the back of its mane and gripped it lightly before placing her other hand slightly to the other side of its back. She stroked the skin there and then jumped up on the back of the animal but quickly fell back down again and into the dirt. She sputtered and then forced herself up on her feet again with a determined scowl on her face._

_It took about five times of her falling on her behind before she managed to sit up straight on the animal in the correct position. It made a soft whinny when she first sat down properly but calmed down as soon as she stroked a hand down the neck of the animal. Awa reached back for her tswin, gently grabbed it and then brought it to rest next to the neural whips. "_ **_So now I just connect them?_ ** _"_

_At Ngeha's nod she grabbed both her tswin and the right neural whip and carefully brought them together. She took a deep breath before she pushed them together, making the tendrils entwin and form a bond between the two. Awa's eyes closed as she felt a rush and then a glowing connection that warmed her. She could feel the pa'li's breath on her legs, the muscles tensing and relaxing, and so much more._

_"_ **_Look over there_ ** _" Ngeha urged her and she turned her head around to see what the Na'vi was pointing at. It was two Na'vi walking together, one holding a bouquet of colorful flowers and the other holding a bow in his hand. The female Na'vi had several armrings, high-ranked clothing made from the best fabrics and a nice necklace. The male had an armring, good quality loincloth and a piece of clothing covering the upper parts of his ribs._

_"_ **_Who are they?_ ** _" Awa asked stunned._

_"_ **_It's my son and his betrothed, Neytiri._ ** _" Ngeha replied with a big, proud smile on her face that spoke wonders of how much she loved her child. "_ **_They're going to be the future leaders of this clan. He's a strong leader, already showing much promise, and she shows great courage and instincts._ ** _"_

_Awa nodded and stared after the couple even after they walked out of her sight. She would be lying if the pair didn't intimidate her, though not as much as Tsu'tey did. Not even close to Tsu'tey, but still intimidating. "_ **_I see_ ** _" She managed to whisper out after a while._

_"_ **_Atxa was the one who taught him, he's very proud. You will be his last student, you couldn't have gotten a better trainer so I suggest you make the most of it._ ** _" Ngeha advised but there was a bite in her voice that didn't go unnoticed by Awa._

_The avatar shifted in her seat and then turned around to face her teacher's mate. "_ **_You have no idea how much I appreciate what Atxa is doing for me. My gratefulness to him is beyond anything else. I thank Eywa for him everyday_ ** _"_

_"_ **_Good. Now ask her to walk forward. Slowly!_ ** _" Ngeha cried out when Awa and the pa'li sped away from the Na'vi and out into the field they were standing in._

_Awa whooped as the two soared through the tall grass with her hands straight up into the air. The strong legs of the pa'li thundered the earth below them and grunted softly every now and again. She could feel through their bond that the pa'li was enjoying the run, and that it felt good to let out all that energy it had been storing for awhile. "_ **_Now slow down, we don't want to worry Ngeha too much or she'll hit me again._ ** _"_

_A loud scream etched itself out of her when the animal came to an abrupt halt and in the process made Awa fall off and hit the ground hard. She landed on the ground with a heavy thud that she felt throughout her entire body and hurt her ribs. Awa pushed herself to her knees and winced at the scrapes she had gotten on her knees and palms._

_"_ **_I told you to take it slow, you stupid girl!_ ** _" Ngeha's voice told her and then Awa felt the Na'vi's gentle hands lifting her to her feet again. Ngeha brushed off some of the dirt Awa had gotten on her back and legs but let the rest of it sit there, as somewhat of a punishment for not listening. "_ **_I thought you told me you studied the pa'li and was an expert._ ** _"_

_"_ **_I guess I overestimated myself, again._ ** _" She muttered the last time bitterly, her mind snapping right back to the multiple times she had humiliated herself since starting her training. It was the fight with Tsu'tey, lots of mistakes with Atxa, things she wouldn't remember until it kept her awake at night, and now this._

_"_ **_You did well, not many make it that far._ ** _" The Na'vi complimented Awa with the beginning of a grin on her face and a glimpse of pride in her eyes that Awa leached onto._

_"_ **_Thanks, didn't think she would run that fast. Guess I was unclear in my thoughts._ ** _" Awa said and scratched her hair in thought. All her hours in simulation meant nothing in the real world, all those things she had mastered in simulation she hadn't even tried in real life. She had never experienced tsaheylu before today and all that training had made her cocky and next thing she knows she's lying on the ground covered in dirt._

_" **Having an unclear mind is never a good thing.** " Ngeha shot back wisely with amusement in her eyes. " **You should find out what's making you unfocused and deal with it. Or him.** " The Na'vi murmured under her breath and Awa only smiled at her, having not heard the last comment the Na'vi made. _


	27. Chapter 27

Awa turned around at the sudden silence that fell over the Omaticaya clan. Her eyes widened almost comically when she saw the figure walking towards her. Her bow fell to the ground with a harsh clank and her jaw dropped.

Grace walked out of the forest with shy steps, just barely gracing the ground before she moved on. The scientist was wearing her normal outfit when in Avatar form and her hair was braided the same way as always; all of the hair in one big braid except for a few of them that were braided into smaller parts, decorated with red pearls and framing her face. She had a beaming smile on her face and that sparkle that Awa had only seen in pictures was back in her eyes, which lit up her entire face.

" **Grace** " Awa forced out, her voice hoarse and throaty. Her limbs were frozen, her feet refused to move and her chest tightened. She never thought she would get to see the day that Grace was allowed back in the clan. She was ashamed to admit that she had only asked the Olo'eytukan once and never brought it up with anyone except for Tsu'tey again.

Grace laughed, a real belly laugh that was bordering hysterical. " **Jake asked them to let me back in. It's amazing, isn't it?** " She answered Awa's unspoken question and shook her head after finishing her sentence. " **I can't believe I'm back here** "

Awa slowly took a step forward, her breath still stuck in her throat while staring at the scientist. **"I-, I never thought they would allow you back here** "

The dreamwalker laughed and threw her arms around the former human, squeezing her tightly and even shaking her a little. " **Neither did I. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go see some old students** " Grace winked at Eywa and walked, no skipped, over to where a bunch of Na'vi children stared at her with wide eyes. The children kept on staring at her the closer she got and as soon as Grace fell on her knees they were onto her, touching her hair and bombarding her with questions.

Awa looked at the scene fondly before a warmth enveloped her right hand. The familiar hold that belonged to her mate tugged at her gently and she followed the movement without tearing her eyes off Grace and the children.

Her eyes flashed over to Tsu'tey when he snarled and the hold on her hand tightened almost painfully. " **What is it?** " Awa asked him, concern seeping into her voice.

" **Come. I'll explain later** " He replied through clenched teeth and a deep frown on his face that had a hint of pain on it. Awa's eyes flickered around his face and her eyes widened slightly when she realised what was wrong. The anger mixed with old, but never forgotten, trauma and the wince of his lips told her all she needed to know.

\---

The two sat down on a branch high up in a tree after Tsu'tey practically had to drag her up there. Awa had never been a climber, never learnt how to do if good even after all the training she and Atxa went through. She still felt bad for being such a bad student but still felt proud over how much she learned in such a short amount of time.

" **Want to tell me what all that was about? I know you don't like humans but that was a bit extra, even for you** " She gave him a pointed look and rubbed her ribs as if remembering their first meeting. Tsu'tey winced and shuffled when he noticed her actions, his heart clenching painfully at the memory.

" **Seeing her reminded me of things.** " He vaguely answered and stared right forward, making sure that not one part of him touched her. " **Of the school and the past.** "

Awa's hands twitched in an urge to touch him but she reigned herself in. Instead she opted to just stare at him and try to read all the facial cues tp learn what he wasn't telling her. " **Do you want to talk about it?** "

For the first time since the two had left the hometree he looked at her. His eyes pierced into hers, telling her more than his words ever could. Without hesitating he connects their tswins and sighs in both relief and displeasure. " **I'd rather show you.** " Tsu'tey told her and pleaded her with his eyes, his voice cracked slightly.

" **Y-yes** " Awa responded in shock at the emotional state he was in. She could count the number of times he had been this vulnerable with her on her fingers and toes. Awa nodded her consent and closed her eyes before clearing her mind so that he would have an easier time showing her his memories.

A flash of white blinded her even though her eyes weres till closed and when she opened them she wasn't sitting in the tree with Tsu'tey anymore. Awa was standing besides a group of young Na'vi children, most of them young enough to only wear loincloths but a few of the older girls had a fabric that covered their chests. There was one girl who wore a cover in a vibrant green with pink spottings. She also had big feathers braided into her hair and a multitude of bracelets and necklaces.

" **Come on Tsu'tey!** " The girl yelled at Tsu'tey, or at Awa. " **Sylwani has found the humans. We need to hurry!** "

Adrenaline started pumping through her veins and her limbs trembled in anticipation of what was to come. Though Tsu'tey's body was happy and looking forward to what was to come, Awa was the opposite. She knew what the results would be and the memories of that vision washed over her in big waves of old but not forgotten pain.

" **I'm coming!** " She unwillingly opened her mouth but it was not her voice that came out, but a more younger and more high-pitched version of adult Tsu'tey. Awa tried to resist what Tsu'tey wanted to do, by Eywa did she try to stop him but since it was a past memory she was powerless to what had happened and what was going to happen.

She held a flower in her hand. It was a pale purple and looked rather dull compared to the other flowers around them but she felt pride over it, like it was something rare and unique. Excitement rushed through her and a slight twinge of nervosity reared its ugly head when she twisted the flower in her hand. It was for someone, Awa deduced, a girl.

Awa's legs pumped beneath her steadily, her breathing steady and her hand clutching the fragile flower gently as if to make sure it remains whole until she gave it away. As soon as the whooping sounds of her peers could be heard another great flash of white blinded her.

When Awa opened her eyes again she was back on the branch, in her own body and was tightly embraced by Tsu'tey. She shakily touched his arm and then nodded again, showing that she was ready and strong enough to see it all. Awa would do this for him, just like she had seen all those things back then. It was her burden to bear.

This time she welcomed the flashing of white and didn't even bother closing her eyes. Instead she stared right through it defiantly. If her mate got through it and recovered as good as he did then she could bear looking at the experiences that shaped him with bravery.

" **Sylwanin!** " She felt her throat force out the desperate wail before she could even see what was going on. She could smell the thick smoke of whatever they were doing, it was forcing itself into her mouth and nose, making it harder and harder to breathe through it. Awa could feel that the bravery she previously possessed was dimming slightly at the sheer heat that she was feeling against her body.

" **Tsu'tey** " An equally desperate shout answered her and she opened her eyes. The sound calmed the raging worry inside of her and... love flared up in her chest.

There was a great fire in front of her, one that was bigger than some of the trees in the surrounding area and that lit up all the cheering Na'vi's faces up in different shades of victory. Accomplishment and pride made her puff up her chest and let out a echoing shriek that without a doubt could be heard kilometers away from where they were.

" **We did it, we did it, we did it!** " Voices shouted all around her. She shivered at the sheer power the words held and then she looked around her. Twice as many children as she had seen before were dancing in front of the fire and whooping and laughing.

" **We brought down a human machine!** " A voice from besides her cheered. The words made Awa shift her eyes over to where the fire was, observing it.

A gasp tore its way through her throat, though it was inaudible, at the sight before her. The big fire was in reality a bulldozer that the children together had brought down and set on fire. No doubt that the humans inside of it were all dead or had run away from their posts.

Once again she was brought back to Tsu'tey and this time he had pulled her onto his lap and was possesively and defensively cuddling her closer to his chest, shielding her from the outside world.

" **We were only teenagers when we did it. Sylwanin and I weren't the oldest. The youngest had just started training.** " His throat contracted in pain and he swallowed before continuing. " **We thought we were making a difference and helping the clan. We did, and are, but we did it the wrong way.** "

" **It's okay** " She whispered to him with closed eyes before placing a hand on his cheek and leaning her forehead against his. She cooed gently at him and caressed his cheek. " **You did all you could** "

Right before the bright light hit her again she felt him shake his head against hers.

This time she was running. She was holding someone's hand in a deathgrip. Awa could feel the exhaustion that came with her visions creep upon her, or that's what she thought it was. This exhaustion wasn't hers, it wasn't she that was slowing down or panting like crazy. She was in a memory. She was holding Sylwanin's hand in hers, dragging her along with her.

" **Run!** " She snarled back at her but her voice wavered in fear and anger. " **They can't catch us!** "

Awa knew this path. She had walked it before, with Grace. Her heart dropped to her stomach and all she wanted to do was curl into a ball on the ground and cry. Tears clouded her vision but she knew they wouldn't fall. As long as she was in the memory she wasn't in control of her movements or in this case visible tears.

She wanted to scream, shout and yell at them to run back to the hometree. To not hide at the school. God her head hurt. She sobbed when they got even closer, she so desperately wanted to shake Tsu'tey by the shoulders and yank both him and Sylwanin away from the path they had chosen. Her throat contracted and she felt nauseous. Awa wanted to scream until her throat was raw and her voice gone.

" **Grace will hide us** " She whispered back to her companion, her voice hopeful and confident. Inside Awa felt the opposite. The words brought her pain, so much pain that she had no words for it. Grace couldn't hide them, she never had a chance. Frustration boiled inside of her, anger threatened to make her blow her top off, but the sadness and pain ebbed it all away and all she had left was the overbearing feeling that she wanted to cry. " **She has to** " She repeated, though this time her words sounded less convinced than before.

" **They warned us not to do it, but we still did it.** " The thing that brought her back from the memory this time was the sheer heartbreak in Tsu'tey's voice. It didn't matter that she had heard the story from him before, it had been vague but she had gotten the gist of it and she had bawled her eyes out afterwards, but seeing it was another thing entirely. Seeing the event from his eyes couldn't even compare to hearing stories or even seeing the visions. " **We lost too much that day** "

" **Don't blame yourself. You couldn't have known!** " Awa insisted and pressed a small kiss to his brow. " **You couldn't have known** " She repeated before being sent back into the memory.

Warmth surrounded her. A wetness enveloped her and tears flowed down her eyes like the strongest of waterfalls. Heavy sobs shook her body and she felt like she couldn't breathe. Awa winced at the pulsing pain in her ear but it was nothing compared to the heartbreaking feeling she felt when she looked down in her lap.

Sylwanin's cold, dead eyes stared right up at her and blood painted her mouth a bright red with a matching stripe running down her chin. Awa rocked back and forward with heavy wails coming from her sore throat. "Sylwanin!" She was screaming over and over again until her voice could only muster a weak whisper.

The body was still warm but Awa felt the absence of Sylwanin's soul in her body. If anything that made her shake the dead Na'vi's body harder, as if trying to shake her back to life again. She shrieked loudly but it quickly turned into a sob that turned into another wail.

Awa leaned down and pressed her forehead against Sylwanin's cold one but when the head flopped to the side she broke into tears again. Gunshots echoed around her but all she could focus on was the body in her arms. She felt like she was dying, like the death of Sylwaning was the death of her. All of her purpose died with her.

" **Come back to me** " A voice murmured and Awa could just barely hear it over the sound of her own heartbreaking sounds. " **Awa come back to me!** " The voice was more desperate this time, but she had spent too much time in the memory.

Someone was shaking her. " **Awa!! Don't leave me! It's just a memory!!** " The voice screamed at her and shook her even harder. "I love you! **Please don't leave me** " The voice cracked at the end and she could feel drips of liquid drop onto her face.

" **I love you too** " She whispered and with a fierce cry broke herself away from the memory she had almost trapped herself in.

The scene melted away and as soon as she stirred she was crushed into someone's chest. " **I thought I lost you** " The voice, Tsu'tey, whispered with wide, frightened eyes that stared right into her shocked ones.

" **I-** " Awa begun and she could feel tears forming in her eyes. " **I am so sorry.** "

Tsu'tey whimpered slightly and frantically brushed a hand through her braids. " **Don't be, please don't be. You couldn't do anything. It's in the past, Awa, that's all it is. A memory.** " He almost hit himself when he realised what had just happened. " **Eywa forgive me. I never should have showed you it. I forgot.** " His words quieted down until all she could hear was a mess of words that he was spitting out at a pace she had never seen before. The sheer panic and pain in his eyes made her stop for a moment before reality came crashing back.

She sniffled, trying to reign in the sorrow that was eating her up inside. With her gift it wasn't just a memory. With anyone else that memory would have just been a memory, being played in front of their eyes like a movie. But she had a gift, and that made it so that she couldn't have the privilege of that. No, she lived through the events she was shown. Felt the emotions they felt, the pain, the anger, the sorrow, everything. It ate her up. Just because the memory ended doesn't mean the emotions does. She could still feel Sylwanin's hand clutching hers only to be laying limp in the next. Awa could still feel that pressing sense of sorrow that overwhelmed her and that was so intense it hurt to even breathe.

" **You're safe now** " Tsu'tey whispered and pressed her forehead against the back of her head. " **I'm so sorry Awa** "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Okay, late update. I've been exhausted these last days, for a multitude of reasons but finally I've scrambled up an update for you. I'm not saying it's a filler but it kinda is (all stories need some fillers, y'know". I don't think I did the event justice, it was really hard to describe it in a way that you would understand the feelings. Anyways, hope you liked it!


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing halfway through this book but there will be a second one so don't worry:) Thanks for all the love and support you all give me, it means a lot to me. I'm also rewriting some of my planning, mostly for the flashback chapters since I thought their relationship wasn't developed properly, but that's not for you to worry about. I've fixed that now so I'm hoping the process will be realistic-ish. As always, keep a lookout for any less visible clues that I give, in particular the body language I use for Tsu'tey since that more often than his words show his true feelings :)

_Awa faced the big, leafless tree in front of her with her eyes closed in concentration. She was trying to meditate, open her mind to Eywa and hopefully get some answers, answers she needed like she needed air. Her hands laid in her lap after she had given up on having them raised up in some kind of a prayer position that her arms quickly grew tired of. It had frightened her to feel that kind of a temptation to rush to death as she did during the meeting with the thanator. She had no idea why she all of a sudden got the urge to run towards an animal that was hunting her, and to risk her teacher's life at that. She took a deep breath and made a point to exhale loudly as if that exhale meant that all the negative thoughts flew away with it._

_"_ **_What are you doing?_ ** _" Ngeha asked her, having stumbled upon her figure sitting motionless in the tall grass that without a doubt had animals in it that were either hiding from the dreamwalker or stalking her._

_Awa had chosen to meditate on the same spot that she and Atxa always met before training or lessons. It was in the middle of a small field full with high, green grass that the pa'li loved to graze and roll around in. There were a few trees around on the field but they were all smaller than the trees that lurked just behind the forest line. Small specks of color could be seen on the ground once you sat down that were in the shape of small flowers and plants._

_"_ **_I'm meditating_ ** _" Awa responded without opening her eyes. So far nothing had come out of her meditating but she had all day left and nothing else to do. She'd been sitting there for about two hours already and had no qualms with sitting there another two hours, as long as she got some answers about why all of these things were happening to her. She was just supposed to be an ordinary dreamwalker that somehow got lucky and got a shot with the big guys, but instead she was chosen by Eywa to receive a gift that so far no one had explained to her, one that also got her in heaps of trouble and made her want to rush to a certain death._

_"_ **_Uhuh_ ** _" Ngeha shot back with her hands firmly placed on her hips as she stared down at Awa with an unconvinced look on her stern-looking face. "_ **_This 'meditating', what is the purpose of it?_ ** _"_

_Awa opened one eye and glanced up at her teacher's mate and then promptly shut it closed again. She had almost felt the soft embrace of Eywa when Ngeha had come to interrupt her and now she felt a sort of longing to get back in the cocoon of safety it had provided. "_ **_To get answers about my gift_ ** _." She responded bluntly and shooed her softly._

_"_ **_Your gift has been given to you by Eywa herself. It's a great honor, one not many have experienced. Not even during the time of the first songs._ ** _" The Na'vi woman told the human one and fell down on her knees beside her. "_ **_Anything you wish to know about it you will find out only from Eywa, and some from the tsahìk._ ** _"_

_The dreamwalker opened her eyes, staring at the Na'vi with wide, unblinking eyes. She placed her hands on her knees and leaned forward. "_ **_The tsahìk? You're telling me that you've been watching me have a mini existential crisis over this gift and not telling me that the answers are right under my nose?_ ** _"_

_Ngeha snickered and shook her head. The Na'vi then offered a hand to the still sitting dreamwalker and stared down at her expectantly. "_ **_You haven't been asking the right questions. The tsahìk, Mo'at, is the spiritual leader of the clan. I'm sure your books mentioned it. She conveys the message of Eywa to us and she is the link. I'm certain that the tsahìk has some of the answers, mostly about the how's and not the why's_ ** _"_

_Awa stared at the hand before she swung her own up and clasped it around the bigger one, she then with the help of Ngeha pulled herself up to her feet again. She winced at the feeling of pins and needles that spread from her toes and up to her knees before the numb feeling came and replaced the pain. "Damn feet" She murmured and tried to take a step forward, it came out as wonky and shaky because Awa couldn't feel anything under her knees._

_"_ **_It's barely even a gift, it's brought me more pain and suffering than it's helped me._ ** _" Awa complained once the two women started walking back to the big hometree. Already she could hear loud voices and laughs of the villagers. It felt comforting to hear the sounds of life again, the Na'vi in general brought comfort to her even if they didn't treat her the best. Yet. She was still determined to win the hearts and respect of the people she loved, she had to fight for it, she had to prove that she wasn't like the others of her kind, but in the end none of that mattered to her, no sacrifice was too big if she could finally live life the way she wanted to. "_ **_First I see visions and now I get weird feelings_ ** _"_

_"_ **_Not that kind of feelings!_ ** _" Awa protested when she saw the smug look Ngeha had on her face, who after being caught turned her nose up in the air and tried to look innocent._

_Ngeha snickered again and plopped her heavy hand down on Awa's shoulders. "_ **_Of course not, and you absolutely do not have any of 'those' kinds of feelings for a certain warrior, hmm?_ ** _" The Na'vi smiled and winked at Awa who was fighting off a dark blush from growing on her face. Awa swore in her mind and glared at the teasing woman. She did not have feelings for Tsu'tey! Absolutely not! He was mean to her, hateful and arrogant, but he had also shown her the occasional kindness and he went easy on her during their fight. She trailed off in her thoughts, no she did not have feelings for Tsu'tey in the slightest._

_"_ **_We're rooting for you_ ** _" Awa snapped her head up quizzically at Ngeha. The Na'vi was staring straight forward with only the barest of grins tugging at her lips. "_ **_Atxa and I_ ** _" She clarified and briefly glanced down at the still confused Awa. "_ **_We.are.rooting.for.you.and.Tsu'tey._ ** _" Ngeha took long breaks between each word as she tried to get Awa to understand that Ngeha and Atxa were shipping them, but the message didn't seem to reach the other woman who was still staring at her with that blank look in her eyes she got every time she was confused about something._

_"_ **_You're rooting for me?_ ** _" Awa slowly responded and stopped walking. "_ **_What does that even mean, you're rooting for us?_ ** _"_

_The Na'vi stopped as well and spun around to place her hands on Awa's shoulders once more before staring into her eyes. "_ **_It means that Atxa and I are waiting for you and Tsu'tey to become a mated pair_ ** _"_

_"I_ **_don't even know him, or like him for that matter!_ ** _" Awa's voice raised until it was almost at a screaming level. A slight glossiness formed in her eyes at the thought of the brave and proud warrior who proved to be her biggest and most interesting obstacle with the Omaticaya. "_ **_We will never become a mated pair. The man can't even stand me, Ngeha! Everytime he sees me he scowls at me, if he even notices me, or turns his nose up in the air like he smelled something bad! I've t-tried to prove to him that I'm different, god knows I have, but still he treats me like dirt beneath him. Scratch that, I think he treats the dirt better than me_ ** _" She bitterly chuckles and dug her feet into the dirt under her feet, marking her point. A single tear snaked its way down her burning cheeks and dropped of her sharp chin._

_Ngeha sighed and pulled Awa into a warm hug, hoping to comfort the crying woman and reassure her. Awa hadn't had an easy journey coming to where she was now, not with all she had to go through to even go to Pandora, not to mention the things she had to go through on base, and now everything with the Na'vi. Awa also didn't have an easy path before her, with trying to gain the respect of the Na'vi people or breaking free of the human bonds she was in, but Ngeha was confident that the strong woman in her arms was more than capable of showing her worth._

_\---_

_After a long talk with Ngeha about Awa believing in herself and to stop doubting herself, she was on her way to the pa'li enclosure, more specifically to see Khan who was her favorite of the bunch. She smiled at the thought of seeing the lively steed that seemed to light up her day no matter what life had thrown at her. Awa went to see him after speaking to Tsu'tey about Atxa and the palulukan, she hugged Khan tight while bawling her eyes out and Khan stared at her and licked her cheek._

_"_ **_Look who it is. The tawtute_ ** _" A voice mocked her and then laughed along with a few others. Awa forced herself to hold her head high and keep walking. She had come too far to let it all go to waste because of one Na'vi male._

_"_ **_Wonder who she thinks she is, walking around like she's one of us._ ** _" Another took up the teasing torch and tried to hit her where it hurt. She would be lying if she said that the words didn't sting and tempted her to smack the boy right across the face._

_This time a familiar voice decided to try his luck with mocking her. "_ **_She will never be one of the people. Just look at her, she can't see now and she never will_ ** _" She turned her head back to the group of Na'vi warriors and her eyes narrowed when she saw the smug, proud and vicious look in his eyes, and the scowl on his face as he looked at her like one would look at something you utterly hated._

_Awa winced at his words and the venom in the words made her stop walking and stare blankly at him. She was all cried out for the day and she would never give him the satisfaction of him being the cause of her tears. Her mouth opened and closed but no words came out. He successfully hit a very sore spot, and one of her biggest insecurities, and he just threw it out there like her emotions and feelings didn't matter. Like she was nothing. She tried to remember the advice Ngeha had given her earlier but her mind came up blank as laughter filled the air. It mocked her, the laughter echoed all around her and all she could hear was his words being repeated over and over again in her mind, eating away at the small wall she had built earlier._

_"_ **_I can smell the stank of demon all the way over here_ ** _" One of the warriors besides Tsu'tey cackled, making the braids in his hair shake in all kinds of directions at the shuffle of his shoulders and shaking of his head. This warrior was smaller than the others and hadn't quite grown into his features yet, but Awa imagined he would be handsome when he did._

_"_ **_Not even the humans wanted the demon_ ** _" The middle one of the cruel Na'vi spat at her, this one was full on giving her death threats with his eyes and she physically recoiled at his words. Flashes of Quaritch came to mind, he wanted her too much and at the same time he wanted her gone. Somehow that made it all the worse._

_Tsu'tey pushed himself off the tree he and the other warriors were leaning on and crossed his arms over his chest to make him look bigger than his usual muscular form. "_ **_She's ugly too_ ** _" He hissed at her but his voice wasn't as strong as before and had a shake in it. He also didn't stare right at her when he said it, instead he stared at a spot beside her._

_Awa stared right at him, unblinking and glaring. So it wasn't enough for him to be mean to her when they're alone, he had to go and bully her with his friends. A bit insecure, she thought, and his friends seem to be loving this. They were grinning at her, laughing and smirking, enjoying the winces and flinches they were rewarded with after the particularly sharp remarks. She wouldn't show them how much their words affected her, she needed to stay strong and keep telling herself that their opinions doesn't mean anything._

_"_ **_Almost killed honored warrior Atxa too_ ** _" The shortest of the group spat at her and pointed at her with the white, bony knife he held in his hand. It was decorated with some colorful stones and there were markings in it that signified the cultural and symbolic meaning of the knife._

_Tsu'tey glanced at the warrior by his side with a bit of disdain before smirking again. "_ **_All humans are like this. Clumsy, blind, stupid, I could go on and on but she isn't worth the time_ ** _" He whispered to her and then clapped his friend on the shoulder loudly. "_ **_Look at it shaking like a leaf. It's embarrassing. Weak_ ** _" The final word hit her like a boot to the stomach and she forced herself to look away from the snickering Na'vi male. His words meant something to her, the others didn't but his words held power over her. She was fine with him glaring at her, ignoring her but to hear him continuously spitting hurtful words at her wasn't fine. She hated it, she hated how much it affected her, how much he affected her. The worst part about it was that he wasn't wrong, she was weak, and it was glaringly obvious that she was._

_"_ **_I'm not weak_ ** _" She finally spoke up as she marched over to the group of Na'vi. She was tired of them walking all over her, she was tired of having to play nice so that she wouldn't damage her chances. Fuck them if they thought she was weak, she had faced off a palulukan and walked away alive, she had gone through the first parts of training with a legendary trainer and she was still alive. She, a dreamwalker, had been chosen by many Omaticaya to begin the process of being trained by them. She was not weak, she was strong. Awa avoided Tsu'tey's eyes as she stopped in front of them and placed her hands on her hips. "_ **_I'm not weak_ ** _" She repeated and spat at their feet._

_A tense silence stretched over them until it was suddenly broken by hysteric, high-pitched laughter from all of the Na'vi men. The smallest one had his head bent back and was clutching his stomach that shook with every breath. The middle ones were staring her right in the eyes as they laughed mockingly at her, but Tsu'tey wasn't laughing. He just stared at her with a blank look in his eyes, unimpressed by her outburst._

_"_ **_Then tell me how you are not weak. Can you see like us?_ ** _" He pushed himself off the friend he had been using as an armrest and stalked towards her. His voice was strong and rumbled around her. It spoke of his long years of experience and the hatred he held for her._

_Awa's eyes fell down to the ground. "_ **_No_ ** _"_

_"_ **_Can you talk like us?_ ** _" Tsu'tey asked when he got closer to her and began circling her from a distance. He was smirking at her, his eyes shining in amusement. The Na'vi man finished his question with a ramble of words she couldn't understand, surprising her._

_"_ **_No_ ** _"_

_He snickered and smacked her with his tail. "_ **_Can you walk like us?_ ** _" Tsu'tey circled closer to her now and his friends hooted excitedly in the background as they watched their leader pressuring, what they assumed, was easy prey. His voice had lost the hostile tone in it and was more playful now, something that both surprised Awa and slightly scared her._

_"_ **_No?_ ** _" Awa stated uncertainly and stared at Tsu'tey's back as he circled her once more. His mood swings were giving her a whiplash. One second he's with his friends hating on her, calling her names and now he was circling her, smirking and grinning at her, and he was looking more amused and had no traces of his normal scowl on his face. Did this mean that he was warming up to her? If even slightly, or that he was having a lot of fun mocking her._

_"_ **_Do you feel like we do? The connection to Pandora, to our friends, to our mates? Do you love as deeply and loyally as we do?_ ** _" He was back to circling her from afar now, his demeanour was back to hostile and defensive as before and Awa missed the carefree and amused mood he was in before._

_"_ **_What's the point in this, Tsu'tey? You know I'm trying to learn_ ** _" She shifted on her feet and wrapped her arms around her stomach as if to protect herself. Her small burst of bravery had died out and now all that was left was her insecurity and exhaustion. "_ **_Do you really hate me that much?_ ** _"_

_Tsu'tey bristled at her last question and drew himself up to his full height. "_ **_You'll never learn, you can't see. None of the demons can see and you are no different from the others of your kind, bug_ ** _" He neglected to answer her last question and instead started pacing back and forth in front of her, muttering under his breath and occasionally glaring up at her before his eyes snapped back to whatever he was watching. Awa couldn't hear what he was saying but she had a feeling that it wasn't positive, and that she was better off without understanding his words._

_Awa was curious about why he wouldn't answer her last question. It should be an obvious answer for him; he either hates her or he doesn't. She's a dreamwalker, a tawtute, he should be hating her, he's said that he hates her but now that she asks him he hesitates and avoids the question. "_ **_I am not like the rest of my kind!_ ** _" She defended herself and threw her arms out in the air. "_ **_I've never been like them and you know it. You've seen me fighting for my right to be here! You've seen me forcing myself through training with Atxa! You've seen me fight tooth and nail to get here to save my Na'vi body! Don't you dare say that I am like the rest of my kind! Don't.you.dare_ ** _" She was full on screaming at him now, pushing her finger into his muscular chest between her words and tears were falling down her cheeks. She had cried more during her time with the Omaticaya than she had done her entire life. Tsu'tey had the power to hurt her like none she had met before, and it scared her. He wasn't who she thought she would start getting feelings for. Out of everyone she could have chosen it had to be him. It had to be the one that hated on her, pushed her back and hated her._

_He tensed up during her rant and the other Na'vi around them had gone silent. Awa was breathing heavily and shaking, no vibrating, with anger and frustration._

_"_ **_It takes more than a few pretty words and some sweat to become one of us, and to prove that you're different. I've never met a dreamwalker as arrogant as you, and as foolish as you. You'd do well to remember that before you get yourself killed, demon"_ ** _He spat at her feet and walked back to his friends without glancing back at her. His whole body language was closed off and the last look she got at his face made her want to cry all over again. Before he had at least a bit of kindness in his eyes but now they were hard, cold and frosty. Whatever progress they had made had just been destroyed by her._

_"_ **_I wish she died that day with the palulukan_ ** _" One of the friends hissed out, not at all happy with the disrespect she had shown Tsu'tey, and she was beginning to regret yelling at him like that. They had made progress, he was teasing her and she knew that while he meant every single one of his words they weren't as hateful or harsh as they were in the beginning when they met._

_Awa turned around and started to leave when she heard a loud and powerful hiss from Tsu'tey. She spun around in fear that he was going to attack her again when she saw that he was scolding his friend with an angry tail flicking behind him. Awa felt a bit of warmth at her chest at that, maybe he did care._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also not very happy with this chapter but it came out okay, I think. So, do you think they're making any progress?


	29. Chapter 29

Warm water surrounded her as she swum in a lake not far from the hometree. The lake was deep and was a dull, almost see-through green that at night would light up in the most beautiful of neon. She had needed an escape after living through some of Tsu'tey's worst memories, and to think that the parts she saw was just fragments of the story, and the feelings she felt mere whispers compared to the screaming of his.

Her lungs were screaming for air but she wasn't ready to break the surface. She was addicted to the feeling of control she had under the water, she controlled every move and ripple in the lake. Lately she had been feeling a loss of control. She had just started getting some of her control back, and had after a long time of fighting she had earned the respect and her place among the Na'vi, but now she felt like it was all spiralling out of control.

Awa took one last stroke before she swam for the surface. Her eyes were wide-open and had adjusted quickly to the slight murkiness in the water and slight sting that came with it. She had always been a swimmer, and when she needed to think she went swimming. Awa found it particularly calming when she got to peacefully swim with different creatures like fish or other kinds of creatures on Pandora that resided in water. Once or twice she had ran into a predator and had to get out of the water but most of the time it went without a hitch and she came out relaxed and in a good mood.

She gasped loudly when she finally broke the surface and greedily inhaled air. The woman giggled and pushed herself around in a circle, making small ripples in the water around her and scaring off any of the nearby fishes. Awa stills and forces herself to breathe slower. She saw two blue blops crawling just inside of the forest line, one of them being Jake and the other Neytiri.

They both had bows strapped to their backs, Neytiri's was made from wood from the hometree and decorated the way she wanted, while Jake's was plain and worn from all the years it had been used. Awa watched in silence as the pair crawled forward after their prey and she saw how in synch they were. She flinched from the sudden pain that she felt in her heart as she stared at them, at how the sight reminded her of him. Had it really been that long since he died? It felt like yesterday to her and the burden of his death wasn't getting any easier, especially since she watched Jake's relationship with Neytiri grow. He would have been happy for them, Awa thought, he would have wanted her to move on. If only it hadn't been with Jake, who she still hadn't forgiven for spying on her.

Awa started swimming to the rocky beach and as soon as she had her feet firmly placed on dry soil again she raised her arms high above her head and then let them flop loudly against her wet sides. That would for sure have scared away any nearby prey for the lurking duo, she thought smugly and begun her journey back to the hometree.

\---

" **Have you already ran out of them? It's been two days, Tsu** " Awa sighed and then laughed with her head tilted back. " **I pity the chefs. They work hard to build up a stock of the seeds and then two days later you've eaten them all. It reminds me of how fast my aunt used to eat a few small nuts, earth ones. We used to buy the biggest bag of them and when my mom brought it out the same night they were all gone** "

Tsu'tey glanced up at his mate with a sheepish smile on his face before picking up the last episoth seed from his leaf. He stared at it and then at her, and then back down at the seed. " **They're my favorite** " He almost whined and threw the seed into his mouth before Awa could yank it out of his hand. " **And I was the one who went through the trouble of getting them, so it's only fair that I'm the one who gets to eat them.** "

Awa stared at him, opening her mouth and then snapping it close. " **Excuse you. I helped you bring those seeds. You're in one of those moods today.** "The woman commented with a pointed look as she stared at her mate's petulant face.

" **What mood** "

" **The one where you act like a baby** "

Tsu'tey glared at his mate and threw the slimy shell of the last episoth seed at her face in retaliation. The shell left a slime trail on her face that she refused to wipe off just to spite her mate, who in her opinion, was just proving her point of being a baby. It had taken a long time until she had seen this side of Tsu'tey, a lot of pain and a lot of challenges. This was the vulnerable side of him that he only showed the ones he trusted.

The warrior sputtered indignantly for a response but couldn't think of anything that topped the shell he had just thrown. The sight made him smile smugly and he winked at her when she still hadn't shot back a response.

" **That just proved my point** " Awa calmly told him as she dragged a hand through the slime on her face before leaning over and squeezing just above his knee with the very same hand she used for the slime. " **Maybe I need to sign you up for some of the activities for the babies. I think you'd like hide an** -"

" **If you do that I swear to Eywa that I will sign you up as JakeSully's teacher** " Tsu'tey threatened her with an underlying tone of humour to his voice. " **I think we both know who got the better part of the deal** "

Awa grumbled under her breath and admitted defeat after pushing herself to cuddle into his side. " **Whatever. You're still a** baby" She deliberately said the last word in english, for two entirely different reasons.

" **Yes, that is what you call me sometimes when we-** " He nodded as-a-matter-of-facts as he draped his arm over her shoulders and then brought her closer to him when he felt her cringe in shock.

" **Shush** " She barked at him and pushed a finger against his lips before he could finish his sentence. Awa whined in embarrassment when several Na'vi walked past them, shooting them curious looks. Her ears flattened against her head and she blushed a vivid purple. Tsu'tey's whole body shook as he laughed at her. " **It's not funny!** "

He tried to suppress his laughter, making small choked sounds leave him ever so often. He felt a little bad for doing it since he knew how much of a private person she was, and how she was even less for PDA than he was, but it was an opportunity too good to pass up. Tsu'tey looked down on her and saw the pout on her lips.

" **Are you pouting?** " He asked her with an amused smile on his lips. " **Who's the one acting like a baby now. What was it you were saying earlier? Hmm, that's right. Would you like me enroll you in the activities for the children? I think hide and seek is your forte** "

Awa hissed softly at him and nuzzled herself closer to his body, not at all appreciating him turning the tables on her. " **If you're not careful I'll kick you out of the hammock. Maybe a few nights sleeping in a tree will teach you some respect** "

" **You're about as intimidating as baby kenten. Can you give me that seed?** " Tsu'tey excitedly asked her when he spotted a forgotten pxorna seed laying under the edge of his food leaf.

" **No** " She muttered and closed her eyes. " **I'm a baby, remember? Get your own seed** "

" **As leader of the warriors and hunters I command you to get that seed for me** "

" **As leader of nothing I command myself to not obey your order** " She smiled up at him cheekily and placed her hand on his abdomen. When she saw that his attention had shifted from the last episoth seed she gently pushed it away with her foot, making sure to keep Tsu'tey's attention on her warm touch.

He snorted. " **Don't think I didn't see that, Awa** "

" **Saw what?** "

" **That** "

" **What?** "

" **You know what** "

" **I really don't** "

" **Yes you do** "

" **Nuhuh. I have no idea what you're talking about** "

" **Yes you do** "

" **I honestly don't** "

" **Awa...** "

" **Tsu'tey...** "

Tsu'tey stared at her and pointed to where she had kicked the seed. " **That** " He shot back and tickled her side until she was laughing and begging him to stop. There had only ever been three people that knew how to tickle her; her mom, grand father, and Tsu'tey.

Awa shuffled out of his hold and leaned forward to grab the abandoned seed by her feet and with a sigh rested against him again. " **This?** " She asked him with a teasing smile on her lips. He nodded eagerly and held his hand out for said seed. " **You couldn't have meant this seed.** Finders keepers" Awa told him before bringing the seed slowly to her mouth only to throw it in when he lunged for it.

He whined and unwrapped his tail from hers. " **What does** 'finders keepers' **mean?** " The english phrase sounded awkward and stiff on his tongue and he shuddered in disgust afterwards. " **You and your sayings. I will never understand them** "

She hummed while eating her stolen seed. " **It means that the one who finds it can keep it**."

The rest of their small lunch went about the same; with them talking, eating and laughing. It was maybe 20 minutes later that the pair had stood up and made their way up to where the clan kept their ikran. The mated pair had decided to get some more pxorna seeds and bring them to the chefs of the clan so they could prepare them and keep them safe until meal times. Tsu'tey wasn't the only Na'vi in the clan that was obsessed with the slimy seeds, and often had to compete with the others to get as many as he could before they ran out of them. As a result the chefs had decided that the members that wanted and ate all the seeds should also contribute and bring some, making it more fair to the ones who enjoy them but not to the same degree as Tsu'tey and the others.

Awa stroked a tender hand down the leathery wing of Lilo and cooed sweet words to her. Lilo represented a lot of things in her life. She was a living reminder of her greatest pride in life, and living proof that she had earned her place amongst the Na'vi. The Na'vi woman scratched the bird-like creature on its beak before connecting their tswins and initiating tsaheylu, something that had become so natural for the pair in a short time. Humans used to wonder what it was like to fly, but Awa knew what it felt like. Flying for her was freedom, just like everything else on Pandora (Excluding the human factors), and she had dreamt several times of her family flying besides her.

Tsu'tey had already mounted Yllä and the pair was waiting impatiently for the other two to join them. Yllä was desperate for a flight and Tsu'tey was craving episoth seeds. Awa would never admit it but at first she had hated the seeds and the only reason she ate them was to impress him and with time she grew to love the seeds. She now had a weakness for them that she was trying her best to hide for him, if only to keep that smug smirk off his face and endless teasing.

Awa swung her leg over Lilo's back and placed it in the correct position and then righted herself to sit comfortably atop her ikran. " **Where did you say you saw the pxorna plants?** " She called up to her mate before telling Lilo to fly up to them. The ascent was smooth and fast, just like she had trained it to be.

He shook his head. " **Not far south from here. Txanni was the one who told me about them.** "

" **Txanni? Haven't heard from him since you two had a fight about who moved your knife last hunt** " She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and maneuvered Lilo to face south of the hometree.

Tsu'tey grumbled and Yllä snarled in unison. Two grumpy men, she thought, who would have thought. " **I know he was the one who moved it, but I forgave him for it long ago. My guess is that he's too ashamed to come to you after he yelled at you** "

" **As he should** " Awa nodded and before giving Lilo yet another command, this time to fly. They soared past Tsu'tey and Yllä who only gaped at them before following.

\---

Awa stared at the giant plants just like she did every time she came in contact with them. They were taller than the Na'vi and not exactly small in terms of width. She saw how two of the plants vibrated, a sign that they were just about to explode with ripe seeds for the taking.

" **Careful** " Tsu'tey warned her and pushed her behind him as he stepped closer to the plants that hid his treasure. " **They'll explode any minute. They've certainly earned their name.** "

She scoffed and plopped down on one of the fallen trees that laid just behind them. It was almost bare from bark and moss but was no less beautiful for it. There were marks and scratches from when animals had used it and in the lightning that the meadow they were in provided she could see the patches that would glow prettily in purple, green, pink or blue during nighttime.

" **I need to talk to Jake when we get back** " Awa stated and sat cross legged on the dry tree. " **I think I've been too hard on him** " If only you knew of the betrayal, she thought to herself, knowing that she would never be able to tell him until Jake did. She was sure that Jake and her could have been friends if she hadn't found out about what he was doing, no matter if he wasn't doing it anymore. Awa knew it was harsh to judge him for it, but the betrayal was fresh in her mind, just like last time. Jake claimed to love Pandora and the Na'vi, and that he wasn't spying on them anymore but until she had proof she couldn't allow herself to believe him.

Tsu'tey hummed but she could see that he wasn't happy about it. " **What do you mean? He sees less than a rock and he's an idiot** "

" **I mean that I'm supposed to understand what he's going through, more or less. I had to fight for my place here more than he will ever understand but because of my sacrifices he has the chance to join us. I wished that someone would be nice to me during my first time with you, I prayed to every god and goddess I had ever heard of that the Na'vi would stop hating me, but then I realised I had to fight for it. Now I realise that Jake can't fight the same way I did, and that I should be to him what no one was to me** "

" **You don't owe him anything, my love. You fought tooth and nail so he would be able to get as far as he has** " Tsu'tey shot back with a scowl on his face as he thought back to all the trials, challenges and pain she had to get through to be at the point she was at today. " **You did what no one else had before, and you built that right from nothing. You had no rights among us and you fought until you did, and now Jake can benefit from that.** "

She nodded, still feeling that sharp sting of guilt inside of her but she was feeling better after the reassurance he gave her. Awa didn't like Jake, but that didn't mean that she wanted to see him suffer as she did.

The two didn't say much more after that and after collecting the seeds from two of the giant plants, or rather trees, the two flew back home with only a few scratches from when they clumsily enough couldn't escape the sharp, ripe seeds that exploded from the plant. Tsu'tey had already eaten a few of them, after removing the acidic and unpleasant shell of it, but had given the rest of them to Awa for safekeeping.

\---

"Jake" She called out at the tall dreamwalker, though he wasn't as tall or muscular as her mate. "Do you have a minute?"

Jake turned to her, surprised that she once again came to him instead of him to her. "Yes- I mean of course. What is it?" He asked her nervously. Last time she came to like this she had ended up confronting him about being a spy. This time he was nervous that she had found out about the other thing.

Awa waved her hand and smiled lightly. "It's nothing. I just need to show you something."

He breathed out a sigh of relief. "I was worried there for a second." Jake grinned at her and then walked up to stand by her side. "So what are you showing me? I need to get back to Neytiri soon-we're going hunting"

"It won't take long, I promise" She put her her arm in his and dragged him to the place she was going to show him. It had been awhile since she had been there but now she had a purpose that led her back there.

"I hope it's not something bad. Or that you're planning on murdering me as soon as we get away from the others." Jake tried to lighten the mood by joking but Awa remained serious and focused.

"I never would have guessed you to be so paranoid." Awa confessed to him. "But I don't know you well enough to say anything about it. I had you pegged down as this big bad marine that couldn't wait for killing off the indigenous people"

He shook his head and glared at her. "I was never here for the killing. My brother died and the RDA wanted me to take his place."

"I'm sorry for your loss." Her lips tugged downwards and she placed a hand on his arm. "I lost my entire family, generations of it. All in one night. That's when I realised there was truly nothing left for me on earth"

Jake gave her a sympathetic look, one that she had seen so many times before and hated with a passion. She didn't need people to feel bad for her losses, they couldn't have done anything, and they had only made her stronger. Her family lived on inside of her and the children she would have. Awa's hand brushed through the ceremonial braid she had made in her hair for the occasion, one that her step father's grandmother's family had passed down through the ages. She had made cornrows braided to the sides and flowed down to where she had twisted her hair into a bun on each side of her head with puffs of teased hair that peaked through it. She had put her own twist to it, her way of honoring both her past and future.

"I'm sorry for your loss"

"Don't be" She told him frankly. "They live on in my memories, and they left in a painless way that many would envy"

Jake was stared at her, speechless. "How did it happen?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" She grinned at him to hide the twisting pain inside of her. Awa wasn't ready to discuss that with him. "We're almost there"

"Where are you taking me?"

"To my grave" Awa's eyes tinkled but her smile was wavering. "Where I left it all behind for them"

The two walked in silence after that, Jake was too stunned by everything that he didn't know what to say, and Awa didn't want to talk anymore to the boy reaching for the stars that she had lowered and placed there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Okay so I need y'alls help with something. As I said before there will be a sequel to this book but what I want help with is if I should have the same layout as this one (one present time chapter and one flashback chapter), in that case Tsu'tey and Awa's background story will go on in book 2, but the other option is that I continue with the flashback chapters in this book even after the present time story for the first book has ended. So what do you think?
> 
> PS: If I wasn't clear enough: The reason that Awa goes from hating Jake, to disliking him to being nice all the time is because she's conflicted about him. 


	30. Chapter 30

_"Damn him. Damn him and all his friends." She swore angrily as she stomped her way away from where she had left the ignorant males. Awa was fuming, she was livid at the way they treated her. At first she didn't mind their teasing but then the teasing became truthful wishes; one that Tsu'tey scolded his friend for but probably shared._

_Awa stared at the ground for a few seconds before lifting her head high and jutting her nose up in the air. They could laugh and belittle her all they wanted but her head would remain high and she would walk with pride for their opinion would soon be forgotten. Though it had only been a month or more since she started living with the Na'vi she had grown, her confidence that had been already high in Na'vi form had become more resilient and continued to do so with every insult, obstacle and injury. She had started to dissociate her two forms: the human one and the Na'vi one, if only to protect her mind from the acts Quaritch forced upon her and the various punishments he delivered to her whenever he saw fit._

_The dreamwalker groaned and stared up at the sky as if the blue held all the answers. Her heart felt heavy in her chest but it was a comforting weight, it proved to her that her being there and learning affected them-that her presence affected Tsu'tey enough that he would go out of his way to acknowledge her, however mean and ill-intended as it is. Her muscles ached from the harsh training Atxa was putting her through even though it had been at least two days since they last did anything that physically draining._

_"_ **_Awa_ ** _" A sweet and commanding voice called for her attention and she turned towards it with a surprised widening of her golden eyes._

_The voice came from a young Na'vi woman with a pearly necklace around her throat that glimmered and shone a radiant pink in the sunlight. The woman also bore clothing of high ranking such as the soft fabric that made up her blue loincloth and the intricate chest covering made out of branches and twists of darker blue fabric. The way she held herself also suggested her social standing: strong, confident and effortless- the posture of a born leader._

_"_ **_Princess_ ** _" She greeted and bowed her head as she timidly walked closer, all confidence flown out of the window as soon as she caught the attention of the daughter of the Omaticayan Olo'eyktan, Neytiri. Though her title was not often used as a greeting by those among her, such formalities were usually reserved to the Tsahìk, Olo'eyktan and a few other exceptions, she still felt a need to greet her properly to avoid embarrassing herself. It was known that at least in among the Omaticaya the princesses and princes, though there was only one princess at the moment, with their names and most of the time the Tsahìk was also known by her name; Mo'at._

_"_ **_Neytiri_ ** _" The princess corrected with a smile and a hint of an eye roll._

_Awa straightened up and nodded. "_ **_Neytiri, what can I do for you?_ ** _"_

_Neytiri cleared her throat and waved a hand towards the small group of four that stood slightly behind her and all had their toned limbs crossed over their chests as they gave Awa suspicious stares. "_ **_This is Lu'o,_ ** _" She gestured to the one standing almost directly behind her; a young girl that barely reached Neytiri's shoulders and unlike most of the Na'vi Awa had seen she bore a pink dress that draped down to just under her scraped knees. Her face was thin and full of sharp angles and harsh shadowing. "_ **_And this is Kaa,_ ** _" This girl had a hint of a bump on her defined stomach that was only noticeable when she shifted her weight from one foot or the other. She wore a loincloth that was purple and was a bit shorter than that of Neytiri but longer than Awa's, it had a slight decoration on the upper seam of it that hinted on a higher status in the hierarchy but nowhere close to a chief's daughter._

_"_ **_Ngethaw,_ ** _" This one was taller than Neytiri and had strong, muscled shoulders that she squared at Awa. Her face was heartshaped and softer than Kaa with only a soft shadowing from her barely-seen cheekbones. Awa winced as the woman clenched her fists. Neytiri slapped her friend on her shoulder and sent Awa a tense smile. "_ **_And finally Srrua_ ** _" The princess rolled the r's. Srrua was a bit shorter than Awa but not by much and made up for it with the way she held herself. Her hair was let loose but shaved on the sides, and she had a intimidating necklace around her slim neck with a long, pearly white tooth that laid firm against her chest._

_"_ **_I see you_ ** _" Awa made the movement and made eye contact with each and every one of Neytiri's friends who didn't return the gesture. "_ **_So, what can I help you with?_ ** _"_

_Neytiri shook her head and playing with her fingers. "I_ **_wanted to meet the tawtute that Atxa speaks so highly of, and you do not disappoint. You're just as beautiful and strong as he described._ ** _" Awa smiled with a blush creeping up her neck. "_ **_Is it true that he threw you off a tree?_ ** _"_

_"_ **_Yes_ ** _" Awa let out peals of laughter. "_ **_And then I climbed up so he could do it again._ ** _"_

_"_ **_I always wondered what training with Atxa was like. He stopped taking students before I was born, you must be special_ ** _" The Na'vi woman placed a hand on her shoulder and closed her eyes. "_ **_The Tsahìk, my mother, said that she could feel the soul of a person if she placed her hands on them and-_ ** _" Her eyes snapped open. She gave Awa a sheepish smile. "_ **_I forgot what it was she did next. I'll have to ask her and then come back and try again_ ** _"_

_Awa opened her mouth and then closed it again, stunned by Neytiri's words. "_ **_My-my soul?_ ** _"_

_"_ **_All beings have a soul, even humans like you. It's all connected to Eywa and I'm going to be the next Tsahìk- I must practice my link to Eywa and how to use it. My sister was supposed to be but she-she-_ ** _"_

_"_ **_That sounds_ ** _'cool'" Awa commented, interrupting Neytiri when she noticed the crestfallen look in her eyes and stepped back, making Neytiri's hand fall from her shoulder and fall to her side. The dreamwalker wasn't sure if she wanted the Na'vi woman to read her soul, what if it was bad?_

_Neytiri hummed and scratched her chin in thought. "_ **_Atxa mentioned your gift, I'll ask mother for you_ ** _"_

_Awa didn't think she could be even more surprised by Neytiri but she was wrong. She was almost ashamed to admit that she was about to jump at the opportunity to procrastinate meeting the infamous Tsahìk of the blue flute clan. "_ **_Really?_ ** _" She gushed out before she could compose herself, her heart skipped a beat. "_ **_I would really like that._ ** _"_

_"_ **_Could you give this to Tsu'tey? I was going to give it to him but you always seem to find each other_ ** _" Neytiri took the leather pouch she had attached to her loincloth and handed it over to Awa who, with shaky, sweaty hands, grabbed it._

_"_ **_O-okay_ ** _" Awa stuttered out, not at all wanting to see, much less talk to Tsu'tey but couldn't find it in her to say no to the Na'vi in front of her that stared at her with a commanding look befitting a ruler and a sly grin that betrayed the otherwise stern face. "_ **If** **_I see him I'll give it to him_ ** _" She emphasized the 'if' to mark the fact that she and Tsu'tey did not spend as much time together as she was hinting to._

_"_ **_I wish you luck, may Eywa guide your path and bring you wisdom until our next meeting_ ** _" The formality of the sentence was not lost on Awa but she didn't comment on it._

_"_ **_Same to you, Neytiri. Until next time_ ** _" Awa nodded her head to Neytiri's friends who had been silent during the whole interaction and they didn't answer her nor nodded back. They kept their firm stares on her that Awa could feel burning holes in her back as she started walking away from them._

_She turned the pouch over in her hand, fumbling with it as she tried to figure out what could be inside of it. It had something hard inside of it that had a sharp edge on it that could just barely be felt through the thick leather it was protected inside. Awa was so focused on the pouch that she didn't see where she was going and as a result felt the wind get knocked out of her as she fell to the floor after bumping into a hard wall. Only it wasn't a wall but a strong, hard back that she had walked right into and pushed herself to the ground._

_"_ **_You are a very clumsy bug_ ** _" A voice gruffed at her, sounding way closer than she had expected. "_ **_Watch where you're going_ ** _"_

_Awa scoffed and averted her eyes from where she had been staring. "_ **_I wouldn't have to if you didn't walk straight into me_ ** _" She pushed herself to her feet and then bent over to get the pouch that she had dropped a bit away from her. It didn't sound broken when she shook it but she couldn't be sure until Tsu'tey received it, god knows what he would do to her if she broke his... whatever was in the pouch._

_Tsu'tey snickered and brushed himself off as if her walking into him had made him dirty. She glared at the gesture and wrapped her arms around her stomach. "_ **_You're blind_ ** _" He shot back. "_ **_You walked into me, demon_ ** _"_

_"_ **_I don't think so_ ** _"_

_"_ **_Then you're wrong_ ** _" He leered down at her, his body tense and his usual scowl present on his face. "_ **_Stupid and blind._ ** _"_

_"Whatever,_ **_I don't want to deal with you now. Go bother someone else_ ** _" She spat at him with a twisted frown on her face. Awa was one hundred percent fed up with Tsu'tey and was convinced that she would hit him right in the face if she didn't walk away. "_ **_And take this with you. It's from Neytiri_ ** _" Awa told him and threw the pouch at him, which he effortlessly caught in the air and brought closer to his face._

_Tsu'tey didn't answer her, only looking down on her with his jaw clenched and chin held high. "_ **_I pity Atxa. I would never teach a demon, especially one like you. Arrogant, full of yourself, blind and stupid. Skxawng._ ** _"_

_"_ **_Then it's a good thing you're not my teacher. I doubt you could do it half as good as him_ ** _" She snarled at him, her blood boiling as he disrespected her and doubting her every capability. His words had less effect on her this time, she was ready for his onslaught, that she as considering if it was him trying to protect himself because surely it must be exhausting to hate on her all the time like he did. Awa couldn't resist throwing in her own jab at him, a kind of revenge on him, but any satisfaction from it went away when she saw that it didn't affect him in the slightest- not even a twitch of his eye or lip._

_Tsu'tey chuckled. "_ **_I have never been one for taking on students out of pity but Atxa seems to have made an exception_ ** _" He looked her up and down and then snickered. "_ **_It's pointless to try and teach your kind, you cannot see. Just look at you, weak_ ** _"_

_"_ **_I told you not to call me that_ ** _"_

_"_ **_Why do you want lies whispered in your ears? If you can't take it then leave. You.are.weak._ ** _" Tsu'tey pushed her shoulder, lightly, and hissed at her when she couldn't stand against the weak force behind it. Her shoulder were easily manipulated at the force and she had to take a few steps back so as to not fall again. He stared at her with disappointment in his eyes, as if he had expected her to try and prove him wrong. "_ **_Are you even trying?_ ** _"_

_Awa scoffed and rolled her eyes. "_ **_Now you care? Of course I'm trying! I'm constantly training, and if I'm not doing that I'm learning the songs, the history of your people. I'm always trying my best, nothing less is good enough._ ** _"_

_"_ **_Then why do you let us walk all over you? Are you a coward? Cowards have no place amongst the people_ ** _"_

_"_ **_I let you walk all over me? I try to stand my ground but you and your group of bullies run me over every single time!_ ** _" Awa sighed and pinched her nose. "_ **_Would a coward agree to a fight that she knew she had no chance of winning just so she could prove that she wanted this? Would a coward constantly fight back against those much stronger and able than her just to earn their acceptance? No, I don't think so_ ** _"_

_He shook his head at her. "_ **_You're the first to be allowed to train with us since before-, ever, and yet you complain at every little thing we do. Have you ever considered that maybe you're not as great as you've fooled yourself to be? That you, a human, decided that you are owed a spot with us, without proving anything? Think a little, use that bug brain of yours_ ** _" Tsu'tey spat at her feet. "_ **_You skypeople are all the same- arrogant and stupid. You are no different from them_ ** _"_

_She opened her mouth to reply to him with tears burning her eyes but he walked away before she could. His words shook her to the core in ways she hadn't expected them to. Was it possible that he was right? Had she expected them to give it to her so much that she had given up on trying with them? That maybe she hadn't been as open minded as she needed to be and that she in her mind had made this fantasy picture where she felt like she deserved to be with them. Or was he speaking out of anger like so many times before? Awa wasn't sure anymore, alls he felt was confusion. Atxa and Ngeha said one thing but Tsu'tey said another, and Tsu'tey had never lied to her before. Maybe there was some truth to what he said, and that she should make more of an effort to actually learn with the people instead of holding on to what she had learnt in her classes._

_But Awa wasn't like the others of her kind, if only because of the gift she had gotten from Eywa that had only given her pain and suffering so far, but also because of her feeling more like a Na'vi than human. She wasn't human anymore, but she also wasn't Na'vi, and soon she would have to make her final decision on what she was and cut ties with the other. She couldn't be both, Tsu'tey had said enough to make her realise that her confliction was the problem._


	31. Chapter 31

" **You know you don't have to stare at them every second.** " Ngeha told Awa as they looked over at the ten, maybe 15, of Na'vi children playing a mix between hide-and-seek and tag. They had chosen two of the children, this time the smallest and thinnest of the group, to the chasers and their job was to chase the children they found and once they tagged all the other children they had won the game and a new round began.

Awa laughed and shook her head, almost motherly and with longing, at the children laughing as they rushed around the trees. " **I know I don't have to but just look at them, they're so happy all the time and carefree. I wish I could be like that and just forget about everything.** "

The older Na'vi smiled at the younger one and placed a hand on her shoulder. " **You're one of the strongest people I know, Awa, don't lose that strength now that you need it more than ever** "

" **I just want to not feel this way** " She sighed and turned away from the look of pity Ngeha was sending her. Awa was tired of the constant pity she got from both Atxa and Ngeha whenever she said anything they thought sounded self-hating or bad for her mental health. She was recovering, but just like everything else that takes time. " **Don't look at me like that... You know I don't like it. This pity needs to stop. I'm handling it, and Tsu is being extremely supportive and understanding** "

" **You've been more upset lately. Ever since JakeSully started training with Neytiri, why does this bother you?** " Ngeha pressed the matter with a careful smile and veiled eyes. Awa could feel how hard Ngeha's heart was beating through her hand, and if she focused hard enough she could almost hear the organ beat in her chest.

She sighed, " **I don't know, Ngeha. I'm so confused all the time. I want to hate him but I can't- it's like there's this force holding me back from hating him. He's doing all the things I wanted, and had to fight so hard for, without any of the hard parts. I guess I'm jealous.** " Awa ran a hand down her fatigued face and then let the hand fall on her lap limply. " **I don't want to talk about it. It's fine, I'm handling it.** "

Atxa walked up to them and sat down on the branch the pair was occupying. His hair was newly braided, by Awa just an hour or two ago, and his face was still twisted up in a mix between a frown and wince. She imagined that the braids were still pulling uncomfortably on his scalp and that he had a headache.

" **Don't push too hard, Ngeha, if she says she's fine then we'll have to trust her on that** " He said after draping his arm over his mate's shoulders, making Ngeha melt into his embrace. Atxa leaned down and pulled Ngeha up to meet him in a gentle, brief kiss before tucking her close to his side. " **Hi** " He whispered to her, smiling brightly.

" **Hi** " Ngeha whispered back. " **How's your head doing?** " She winked at him and then snickered at the wounded look he sent her in response. Atxa looked away from his mate to send Awa a glare that promised payback, before looking back down at his smirking Ngeha.

" **Better** "

Ngeha tsked and shook her head as if disappointed. " **A shame. I'll have to ask her to do it better next time then. You've always been so tender-headed. His mother told me this, Awa, that he would never let her manage his head as a child, unruly as it was, and would cry rivers whenever she got close to him for two weeks after she finally braided it**." Ngeha chuckled and hit him lightly in the side when he turned his affronted glare over to her instead.

" **I was gentle** " Awa protested with a relieved smile after the change of topic.

" **She's lying, love. I can still feel the harsh tugs and mischievous eyes**." Atxa told Ngeha and brushed his fingers through the loosened braids there, working on freeing her hair from its confinement. " **She must have forgotten that I know many of her secrets and my tongue is starting to loosen with age"** His eyes shone with mirth as he teased his former student.

Awa gulped and wrung her hands before she heard the two laughing at her, making a purple blush work its way up her bruised neck. She glanced over at them and then snapped her eyes away from them when she saw the intense staring they were involved in- she felt like she was intruding on their moment. An even bigger blush climbed up the longer she sat there in awkward silence, third-wheeling her former teacher and his mate.

" **I can hear you thinking all the way over here Awa**." Ngeha said.

" **What's on your mind?** " Atxa finished his mate's sentence as both of them stared over at her with matching expressions of glowing faces and slightly widened, glossy eyes.

" **Nothing.** " Awa mused but her eyes still wouldn't meet theirs. The former dreamwalker cleared her throat awkwardly, still not comfortable with as much PDA as the couple was showing. " **Just didn't want to interrupt your moment** "

" **We weren't having a moment, were we?** " Ngeha looked up at her mate with a quirk of her eyebrow and a swing of her tail that smacked Atxa on the arm.

Atxa grinned down at her, and Awa stared at them oddly. They weren't usually this cuddly and happy, much more often calm, wise and collected- compared to the way the two now couldn't get enough of each other and had matching love-sick expressions on their faces. Something was up, Awa understood and she narrowed her eyes at them. This was too out of character for them for not being something wrong, something had to be up.

" **Can't say we did. Just two mates enjoying the bond Eywa blessed them with, I'm sure you understand that** " Atxa yet again finished Ngeha's sentence and Awa's suspicion only grew. Not only were the couple emotionally out of character but they were speaking weirdly, none of that usual wisdom that comes with age present but more of ageless happiness and expectations.

" **We're not like tha- never mind. What's up with you two, you're acting weird** "

" **We're pregnant** " The two burst out in unison with beaming smiles that screamed of their excitement over the news.

Awa gasped loudly and her hand flew up to her mouth. " **Really?!** " She squealed and threw her arms around the laughing couple, burrowing her head in the crook of Ngeha's neck. " **Sawari's going to have a sibling. Oh, she's going to be so happy** "

Ngeha pulled Awa away from her with a serious look on her face. " **You can't tell her. There's no telling if the child will make it yet, I'm getting old and pushing the age for childbearing** "

" **I'm sure it will be fine, it has to be** " Awa rushed out and threw her arms around Ngeha again, this time harder and firmer to reassure herself that everything would be fine. " **There's no way that you're not going to have a beautiful and healthy baby that will have the pretty face of their mother and hair of their father. Just like their sister** "

The news of the baby was just what Awa needed- some good news among all the bad ones and chaos of her everyday life. She could feel the RDA moving closer and tying the noose harder around their neck with each passing minute, and Jake was another stress object. But a sweet innocent baby was enough to cast some darkness out of her mind and a feeling of positivity surged through her, as if everything was going to be fine in the end.

\---

Awa gripped Tsu'tey's hand tighter in hers when the two got closer to the friend they were supposed to meet for the planning of his mating ceremony to one of the chefs in the clan. The friend in question was named Rayfo and was one of the lower ranked hunters of the clan and was of a relatively low social standing- even Awa was higher up than him and she had recently joined the clan and she was a dreamwalker- and therefore had to fight harder than him. She loved rubbing that in his face whenever he got too comfortable and started running his mouth like he was always so inclined to do. Rayfo was the friend who had the nerve to wish her death in the beginning of her training and neither party had forgotten that yet.

" **Rayfo. It's been a long time, hunt brother** " Tsu'tey released Awa's hand and walked forward to give his old friend a hug before thumping him lightly on the back. " **How have you been since we last spoke?** "

" **Sketsu is eager to do the ceremony and to meet your** ** _mate_** " His disgust for her was thinly veiled but veiled nonetheless and Awa had in her long time fighting and growing learnt to care less about what people felt about her and instead just be her best self regardless of others. Rayfo was one of those others.

Tsu'tey backed away a bit from his childhood friend and bit back an agitated hiss at the disrespect he was showing his mate, the woman he had chosen as his one. It had been a long journey but he had learnt and that he would value for the rest of his life- Sketsu had learnt nothing and hadn't realised that no one was on the same page as him about Awa anymore, and hadn't been so in a long time. " **I'm sure she does, and they will. Shall we?** "

" **I can't wait to meet her** " Awa butted in and smiled, but her eyes were narrowed and bitter. " **She sounds lovely, which is the complete opposite to you** "

"Behave" Tsu'tey whispered tight-lipped at her before gesturing at the logs he had placed on the ground that they could have the meeting on. His english had been improving but still held the rough edge and off-sounding sounds.

"If he behaves I will as well" She promised him and leant up to peck him on his cheek. Awa meant her words: if he behaved then she wouldn't retaliate but if he didn't then all the bets were off the table and she would respond to it properly. She had never gotten closure with him over his past behaviour and every time she saw him it was like a wound being ripped open again and again, her mate's friendship with him was salt.

Tsu'tey nodded and sat down cross legged on one of the bigger branches before leading Awa down to sit next to him on the driest part. Rayfo glared at her and sat down on the branch opposite of them.

" **So what do you want for your ceremony?** " Awa asked him, her being the official event planner in the clan and entrusted for that task by the Olo'eyktan himself. She hadn't planned a lot of mating ceremonies herself and this would be her first one without the help of the Tsahìk.

The soon-to-be mated Na'vi scoffed at her before turning his eyes to his lifelong friend. " **Why do you trust a demon with our traditions. It is not right.** "

" **I trust her with my life. Stop this, Rayfo, now.** " Tsu'tey shot back with a hiss lingering in the back of his throat and tail flinging around angrily behind him as he responded to the words.

Tsu'tey's friend groaned and threw his head back before sulkily bringing it back up front with his eyes staring into Awa's. It was a dangerous stare, one that Awa had seen in many people before- Quaritch being one of them, and she could see him blaming her and the anger he felt at her being there. " **I want clothes specially made for my Sketsu, and myself. Can your tawtute brain understand that?** "

She growled at that and swiped away Tsu'tey's hand when he tried to place it on her knee to comfort and ground her. " **Yes, my brain can understand your simple demands. Anything else,** monkey brain **?** " Awa inhaled deeply as to not blow up on him, she was bigger than that.

The english insult was lost on him, she could tell by the smug smirk he gave her as if he had won their battle but if anything she had the upper hand- and was in fact winning. " **Good. Tsu'tey has trained you well, like a pet nantang. Only you he sleeps and shares a bed with.** "

Awa pinched the bridge of her nose, willing herself to just bear it out until she could leave and not having to see the male until his actual ceremony. Rayfo was reaching for anything and neither of the mated pair was having any of it. " **Do you have any other wishes for it or..?** "

" **No** "

" **And you're aware of how the mating ceremony will be?** " Awa asked him with a sarcastic smile, knowing that the question would trigger him to defend himself. " **Or do I, a mere demon, have to explain that?** "

Rayfo snarled and shot to his feet, his ears flat against his head and muscles tense and ready to spring. " **Don't you dare disrespect me like that! Of course I know the rituals and traditions of my people! I won't sit there while a human whore tells me what to do** " He spat out and took a few threatening steps forward but turned tail as soon as Tsu'tey stood up as well, ready to defend his mate from any attacks from his former friend.

Tsu'tey sighed when Rayfo walked out of sight, feeling the pang of loss hit him when he realised he had lost another friend- only this one was not to honorable causes like battle or a hunt gone wrong. He could take a lot of things coming from his friends about Awa, he would bear it because he loves her, but Rayfo had took it too far and Tsu'tey wasn't going to put anymore of that pressure onto his mate. It was enough that she had to withstand that during her training and for some time after before the people started seeing her as one of their own for real.

" **I'm sorry** " He told her and turned around to face her. " **I let it go on too long because he was my friend. It was dishonorable of me to do that to you** "

" **Oh Tsu'tey** " Awa whispered and pulled him into a hug. " **Don't be sorry for throwing toxic people out of your life. If they can't be happy for us then maybe it's best for them to not be around us anymore. It's not your fault.** "

He shook his head and pressed his face into her hair, the familiar scent calming him down. " **No, it's not okay. You have been through so much and this is your sanctuary- your home. This is not a place where the people, your people, are pressing you down when they should only lift you up** "

" **When did you get so wise?** " She laughed and tightened her hold on him, feeling his body shake with laughter.

" **When I met you** " Tsu'tey responded and leaned down to press his lips to hers. 


	32. Chapter 32

_Awa exhaled and then let the arrow slip past her fingers and soar towards the big target that was hung up on one of the branches in the tree in front of her. The feathers ruffled slightly as the wind forced its way past it but didn't leave the path she had sent it on- going in a gently downwards curve that would hopefully hit bullseye. She snarled when the arrow yet again missed the target and instead going straight down into the ground in front of it, right next to all the other arrows that had taken the same direction. Awa stomped her foot and whined with her ears flattening against her head in both exhaustion and annoyance._

_"_ **_Again_ ** _" Atxa sighed and waved his hand._

_She groaned but listened to her teacher, knowing better than to defy him even more than she already was, and pulled out another arrow from the quiver she had brought with her before loading the bow with it- her shoulders positioning and hands aiming for the target she kept missing. Awa shifted her stance slightly before letting the arrow free again and only after she could see the arrow a bit in front of her did she lower it, a habit Atxa was trying to take away given that it would be a big inconvinience for her to get up her bow between targets. The arrow, now with feathers in a light purple, flew towards the target and by miracle just at the edge of the round, wooden target that had seen better years and students._

_"_ **_I did it! Atxa look! I did it_ ** _!" She cheered and spun around in a small circle while pumping her hands in the air. Chants of 'I did it' filled the air all the while Atxa was still staring at her the same way he did before she managed to hit the target: with his eyebrows furrowed and lips pulled into a thin line._

_Her teacher hopped off the branch and walked over to where she was still celebrating her mini victory. "_ **_Do it again. Hitting the edge isn't good enough, imagine if it was a raging palulukan; that hit would have been just touching its flank and doing no damage to the animal itself other than angering it. I've told you this before, never celebrate until you're out of danger._ ** _"_

_"_ **_Sorry Atxa_ ** _" Awa said while letting her hands plop down to her sides and a sheepish smile grow on her dirty face. "_ **_I finally hit it, though! I can't wait to tell Ngeha, she told me I couldn't do it_ ** _" She smirked smugly and nodded as if proud of her accomplishment._

_"_ **_Ngeha works in strange ways._ ** _" His eyes glittered as he talking about his love. "_ **_I bet my hammock that she said that to motivate you into trying harder. She has this gift of knowing exactly what to say to motivate others. Challenges and people not believing in you seem to be yours_ ** _"_

_"_ **_Maybe_ ** _" She shot back, neither denying or confirming his statement. "_ **_I bet yours is praise and a little bit of-_ ** _"_

_Atxa sputtered and placed a hand over his heart. "_ **_None of that, young one. Now shoot before we both grow too old to lift a finger_ ** _" The Na'vi man staggered backwards dramatically before sobering up. "_ **_I have much to teach you and so little time. Shoot again_ ** _"_

_Awa nodded with a grimace marring her beautiful face. "_ **_Sure thing,_ ** _boss", she said before getting in the right position to shoot again, her eyes sharp and focused._

_The dreamwalker shut her left eye, a thing she had seen many people in movies had done, and released the arrow on her third exhale, making it soar out of its hold, nicking her cheek and the string flicking her underarm. She beared through the pain, her eyes shutting and body wincing out of instinct to get away from said pain, until she heard the arrow had hit something, hopefully the target. Awa inhaled and then forced her heavy eyes open, squinting at the sight before her before a huge grin grew on her face that made her eyes crinkle and cheeks hurt._

_"_ **_I did it!_ ** _" She exclaimed and hooted loudly, her voice reverberating miles around them for such was her happiness. "_ **_I hit bullseye!_ ** _", Awa sighed and looked over to where her teacher stood, staring at her with thinly veiled pride and happiness. She laughed and had to place her hands on her knees before she fell over. "_ **_I actually did it_ ** _", she whispered as if reassuring herself._

_"_ **_You did it_ ** _" Atxa confirmed and patted her on her sweaty shoulders. "_ **_Now, tracking_ ** _"_

_"_ **_But shouldn't I train more?_ ** _" Awa protested and dug her feet into the ground. "_ **_That was a lucky shot, are you sure we should already move on?_ ** _"_

_"_ **_Moving on? No, expanding, yes. We will always come back to archery but you need to know much more than how to fire a shot at a still target. You will need to make a clean kill before your Iknimaya, and you need to track that animal yourself._ ** _" Atxa pointed out, his tail swinging behind him while he circled her in an almost predatory way. "_ **_Yes, tracking is necessary. Don't question me again_ ** _."_

_She bowed her head and wrapped her tail around her leg. "_ **_Sorry, Atxa, won't happen again_ ** _"_

_"_ **_No. Never again_ ** _" He repeated and then turned around to walk into a thicker part of the forest, his steps quiet and agile, as always. "_ **_Now come_ ** _", Atxa's voice called back to her, authoritavely and none of the fondness he held for her present in the sound._

_Awa picked up the arrows from the ground and put them in her quiver before rushing after Atxa, her steps loud and clumsy compared to his. Her bow was held firmly in her hand as she jumped over fallen branches and slid under the lower ones. Before long she had caught up with her teacher and started walking alongside him in the green, vibrant forest she had come to call home, a place of dreams; both nightmares and highest wishes. It was a treachorous place to be if you didn't know the way, the Na'vi way, the way of existing alongside nature and not above it. Once you could see like they did it wasn't as terrifying, if anything you could see the beauty more clearly and admire the things that used to frighten you. Eyes followed them as they walked and a plethora of different animal sounds could be heard in the forest, though fortunetly none of them the roar of a palulukan-- a creature that frightened Awa beyond anything else, the one creature she wished to never meet again._

_"_ **_When do I start tracking?_ ** _" Awa whispered, not wanting to disrupt the fragile quiet that surrounded them._

_"_ **_You should already be tracking, Awa_ ** _" Atxa responded without looking at her. "_ **_Constant vigilance_ ** _"_

_"_ **_Got it_ ** _" She responded, her voice slightly louder but still a whisper._

_Awa slung the training bow over her shoulder and crouched down on the ground, feeling the dirt there for possible footprints and other clues that an animal, a prey, had walked there. Her fingers fumbled around in the ground until she felt a gentle imprint there that looked like a fwampop, a small, brown and purple tapirus. Awa cheered slightly at her discovery before she straightened up again and started following where the steps led. Atxa followed tensly behind her. Awa climbed over a fallen tree that had big, brown mushrooms growing on top that made a wheezing sound when she stepped on them and a thick, brown cloud that made her nose itch._

_She jumped off the tree and felt a burning pain when she didn't position her feet correctly before the impact, making her flinch and limp for the next few steps before the pain went away and her steps went back to normal. The footsteps of the fwampop were more frequent in the area now, lots of more prints from others of its group and a few small ones, probably from the babies of the pack. Her hand swept down to see how dry the upper layer of the print was, smudging it in her palm and then letting it fall back to the ground. Fresh. They were fresh, she realised with a small, accomplished grin._

_With renewed energy she bounced after the track, screaming back at Atxa to hurry up before they lose track of the tapirus'. Her feet flew over the ground, kicking up plants and dirt alike before they came to an abrupt stop when she heard the loud, high-pitched, shrill cry that she had learnt to recognise in the Avatar program; the sound of a fwampop being attacked. Her breathing came out in short spurts. She was so close, but someone got to the animal before her._

_"_ **_We will try again later. Do not worry too much, dreamwalker, it is the way of nature. It's the will of Eywa._ ** _" Atxa tried to console her, his words soft and almost muffled against the ringing in her ears. "_ **_You didn't fail at your task. You tracked the animal, and going by that sound you were going in the right direction_ ** _."_

_"_ **_Thanks_ ** _" Awa muttered, brushing past the Na'vi and sat down on the fallen tree she had jumped over. "_ **_I missed the nantang, didn't I?_ ** _"_

_"_ **_Yes_ ** _"_

_"Shit" Awa cursed and threw a rock at one of the plants. "_ **_I thought I had it, y'know. That I would finally impress you and make you proud of me. But I always mess it up_ ** _"_

_Atxa sighed and sat down next to her, laying a hard hand on her slumped shoulder. "_ **_Stop beating yourself up over mistakes. You think the Na'vi know how to hunt from birth? For a dreamwalker you are making incredible progress in a short amount of time. I will always be proud of you. Why wouldn't I? I get to watch and teach this resilient woman who never surrendered to hardship, who challenge those who wants to undermine her and who never stops fighting, even when the odds are against her_ ** _"_

_"_ **_Thank you_ ** _" Awa whimpered and threw her arms around the Na'vi, crying into his shoulder. "_ **_I needed to hear that_ ** _."_

_"_ **_I know you did. You always do_ ** _" Atxa responded and patted her on the shoulder awkwardely, his face stuck in a wince and eyes widened in shock. "_ **_You have much to learn, but you have learnt so much already. Now what's all this I hear about you and Tsu'tey?_ ** _"_

_Awa stopped crying and sniffled slightly before responding. "_ **_It's the same as always. He_ ** _ganged up_ **_on me with his friends and then the rest is history_ ** _"_

_"_ **_When you say_ ** _'gang up'_ **_, what do you mean?_ ** _" Atxa tilted his head and furrowed his eyebrows. "_ **_I do not understand human sayings_ ** _"_

_She laughed and wiped her eyes, letting go of him and sitting straight again. "_ **_It means that he uh- that he sat with his friends and together they said mean things to me, and then when I was kind to him he threw it back in my face and went on this rant about me thinking you owe me all of this_ ** _"_

_His mouth made an 'o' shape before his lips curl up. "_ **_But he apologized for it, no? Tsu'tey is stubborn, hard headed and hot heated but not evil or mean. He is a Na’vi of honor, duty and love. Your people hurt us and so far he's responding to the injustice with what he thinks is justice_ ** _"_

_"_ **_He didn't apologise_ ** _" Awa sulked and crossed her arms over her chest._

_"_ **_But he scolded the friend for wishing you dead? That, my dear Awa, is progress. He cares enough that he goes against the friends he's known all his life, for you, a dreamwalker trying to worm your way into his life_ ** _." Atxa chuckled and draped his arm around his student's shoulders with a happy grin. "_ **_It will turn out just right, Awa, you'll see_ ** _", he said and made a motion with his hands that she didn't understand._

_"_ **_What's that?_ ** _" She asked him._

_"_ **_A ship_ ** _" He responded and winked at her._

_\---_

_Awa was sitting at one of the benches in a lesser used hallway with Grace, telling her about the eventfull day she had and all of the new things she learnt when she heard a door open. It was a familiar screeching that made her want to flee, hide and wash her skin until she bled. It was the screeching of Quaritch's office, and as far as she knew not many people dared to be in there when he was-- it only meant bad news and pain for her._

_"_ **_Is that-?_ ** _" Grace asked, both surprised and sceptical at what she was seeing._

_"Maria?"_


	33. Chapter 33

" **Do you think he's gonna do it?** " Awa whispered to her mate as the two sat together on a branch above where Neytiri and Jake was currently stalking a stray yerik. Their tails were wrapped around each other and shoulders brushing together every time they moved.

" **I do not know. The sky-demon may get lucky.** " Tsu'tey smirked at her and brushed a finger down her arm. " **Stranger things have happened** ", his smirk turned into a smile with just a hint of smugness and pride to it, his eyes twinkling and voice lowering into a husky whisper.

She snorted and pushed his knee. " **Yeah, no thanks to you.** " Awa teased him with a smirk on her face and a slight dance of her eyebrows. " **If I remember correctly I was the one who made all of this happen** ", she lifted her hand from the branch and pointed at him before her. " **If you had your way I would have been dead a long long time ago.** "

His ears flattened in shame and his tail tightened around hers. A small whine grew in his throat that only she could hear, his pride too strong to ever let anyone other than her see him weak. Tsu'tey's eyes were staring down at Jake and Neytiri, not wanting to look at her as he thought back at all he had done.

Awa snickered but sighed when she thought back too at their shared past, all the screaming, yelling, pain but then all the happiness, the laughter, the love and the joy. " **For being such a proud and confident man you sure beat yourself up a lot about the past. Stop looking back, we're not going that way.** " She placed a hand on his shoulder before leaning down and pressing a short, soft kiss on his shoulder blade. " **We made it didn't we? Despite all the things we went through, and Atxa is about to be a father again.** "

Silence fell over them for a few seconds before her mate muttered: " **I hope it will be a boy.** "

" **Why?** " Awa asked with a tilt of her head and a curious look in her eyes. " **Sawari turned out great, cute and smart!** "

" **Great hunter, strong, but a boy would be easier. They already have a girl, why have another one?** " Tsu'tey asked Awa, confused, the whole scene they were observing melted away. 

" **I don't know.** " Awa shrugged her shoulders and bit her lip. " **They could always have more than two children, more opportunities to have boys and all of that.** "

" **Maybe they do not want more children.** " His eyes stared into hers. " **I do not think Atxa is in need of more children to make his hair go gray, you were the last straw.** " Tsu'tey grinned a toothy grin at her and bowed his head slightly. " **I know I would have pulled mine off if I had you as a student. Rock brain**." Her mate brought up a hand and gently knocked her on her forehead.

" **Stop that!** " She giggled and pushed his head away. **"We need to see how they're doing. So, stay away!** " Awa threw him a faux glare and scooted a bit away from him but their tails remained entwined. He raised his hands and let his eyes flash down to where Jake and Neytiri was crouching under a few green plants.

The yerik was grazing a short distance away and had yet to discover that it was being stalked before being killed. Awa felt a pang of pity for the gentle animal but she reminded herself that they only took what they needed and the yerik's soul and energy would be returned to Eywa, and protect Pandora. A Na'vi wasn't allowed to kill an animal until they were ready and the forest had given permission, so far Jake hadn't been allowed to do it.

Rain was falling all around them thought the mated pair was shielded from it by the thick and large leaves on the tree they were sitting in. Awa's eyes stared right at the still unaware Jake, much like he was staring at the yerik. He was preparing to kill it, Awa could see it, just like she had once done. This would be the final part of his training before Iknimaya and Uniltaron, a rite she knew Grace would protest heatedly against, but if Jake wanted to be one of the people he would have to find a way-- just like she did.

The dreamwalker got into a crouched but strong position and lifted the training bow before nocking the arrow he had placed loosely on the string. Awa straightened and leaned forward eagerly, her eyes widened and hands drumming on her thighs. It takes but a few seconds after aiming at the animal that the yerik discovered the lurking pair and snarled at them. His arrow soared through the air and hit the yerik in the heart, making it fall to the ground. Awa's breath hitched and the urge to whoop at his success came but she forced it down and instead gripped Tsu'tey's hand in hers, seeking comfort from him.

Jake and Neytiri sprung forward to the dying animal that was whining softly with the well-placed arrow sticking out of its blue body. He pulls out the arrow and inserts his knife in its heart, speaking the words. "I see you brother, and thank you. Your spirit goes with Eywa, your body stays behind to become part of the people" The animal died without much pain and Awa felt her lips curl into a proud smile.

"A clean kill." Awa heard Neytiri tell Jake with approval clear in her voice. "You are ready."

Awa cheered as she jumped down from the tall tree, making sure to let Tsu'tey's tail go before she left him, knowing that he wouldn't want his presence to be known to Jake. Awa may not be his biggest fan but she was still impressed and she gave credit where credit was due. It was no small feat to learn all he had in such a short amount of time and make a kill that clean, plus saying the words without the tiniest bit of stutter or hesitation.

"Good job, Jake!" She clicked her tongue and clapped him roughly on the back as she would any of the others, making him wheeze and glare at her for interrupting his masculine pride moment with his teacher. "Look at you, so skinny, so small and yet you've passed onto the next stage."

Neytiri chuckled and shook her head as she still sat next to the dead yerik. "It is true."

"Little Jake is going to go through Iknimaya. I can't believe it!" Awa chuckled and pretended to wipe a tear from her eye. She was in a good mood and she was proud of the man for making it this far, even if he had privileges she didn't.

"Stop it." He mumbled and pushed her away, making her eyes dance up to where she knew Tsu'tey was hiding before throwing him a cautious look. Neytiri met her eyes and then frowned, knowing exactly what could happen if Jake was going to do it again.

"Rude." She dragged out the word, determined to keep the mood from falling. "You best be careful or y'know, I might have to call a certain someone if you know what I mean?" Awa winked before striding away from the pair and disappearing through the bushes towards her mate.

\---

The trio of Na'vi stood at the edge of the cliff, looking at the pastel pinks and blues that had mottled together in the sky that cast colorful light on the clear blue water of the lake. Atxa had an arm over Ngeha's shoulder and Awa sat on the soft, grassy ground with her arms placed in her lap and a straw of grass in between her lips. They watched as the sun slowly began to set in the horizon and as the forest, wildlife and plants slowly came to life in all their bright, neon glory. Their ikran were perched in the trees behind them, watching over their riders and making sure none of the other banshees comes too close.

" **Isn't it beautiful?** " Awa broke the comforting silence with a loving sigh. " **I've always loved watching the sun go down.** "

" **We know. You and Tsu'tey sneak off to watch them every night**." Ngeha and Atxa responded in unison, their heads tilting to her exactly at the same time and sporting the same expression of amusement.

Awa glared at the pair and snorted before turning back to the watch the sky. " **Doesn't make it any less beautiful, and Tsu'tey Isn't here so we don't watch it every night**." She pointed out to them and lifted her nose into the air.

" **Almost all nights, isn't that right, Atxa**?" Ngeha corrected and turned towards her mate with an expectant look on her face as if daring him to not agree with her. " **Everyone knows.** "

Atxa cleared his throat and stroked Ngeha's arm. " **Yes, almost all nights, exactly.** " He smiled mischievously and winked at her but made sure that Ngeha didn't see him doing so. " **The whole clan gossips about you two, has since you became my student and has only increased after you took him as your mate, isn't that right Ngeha?** "

" **Quite so.** " She agreed and gave him a pat on the head, smiling down at him while rubbing her still flat stomach. " **You'll have a small break, I'm sure, when news come out that their previously best teacher is going to have another child.** "

" **Hmm, imagine the gossip if I got pregnant.** " She cackled at the thought and had to wrap her arms around her stomach to not fall over as sobs of laughter made her body shake. " **The elders would for sure faint**!"

Ngeha and Atxa joined her laughing until Ngeha broke it by saying: " **Do you not wish to be pregnant?** "

Awa abruptly stopped laughing as her jaw dropped at the tone in her friend's voice. " **What do you mean?** "

" **Do you want children?** "

The former dreamwalker stared mutely at the pair as they stared at her with curiosity and a bit of judgement in their eyes. " **Of course I want children!** " She could see them exhaling in relief and their eyes softening. " **But not now. We've decided to wait until we're ready to have a baby.** "

" **And when is that? You've said it yourself: something big is coming.** " Atxa was the one who spoke this time, surprising Awa that he was the one hounding her about children when he threatened Tsu'tey at their mating ceremony to take care of her.

" **Which just gives me more reason to wait. If a war breaks out between the RDA and us it's not going to be safe to be pregnant.** " Awa shot back until she realised what she said. " **I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that-** "

" **Yes you did**." Ngeha smiled at her, almost in a motherly way. " **And it's okay to feel that way. We didn't plan for this to happen but we thank Eywa everyday that she blessed us with another child, just like she will bless you one day.** "

Awa looked down on her stomach and ghosted her fingers over the toned surface. " **Yes. One day, when the time is right**." She smiled up in the sky and stood up.

Awa winked at Ngeha before pulling Atxa away from his mate. The former teacher protested and glared at her but eventually stopped struggling against her hold. Awa didn't let him go, instead she shifted her hold from his arms to placing them on his back before pushing him to stand in front of her and at the edge of the cliff.

" **What are you doing?** " He anxiously asked her, throwing looks back over his shoulder to his grinning mate, who didn't lift a finger to help him.

" **I'm going to help you cool off.** " Awa chuckled before pushing the heavy Na'vi man down the tall cliff and towards the pure, blue and warm water just waiting for him at the bottom.

" **And I will help you**." Awa distantly heard Ngeha say behind her before she felt herself falling off the cliff too.

" **Ngeha!** " She screamed out the name as she fell towards the water, her hands making fists at the smirking woman before Awa felt the warm water embrace her.

The woman swam towards the surface, or what she thought was the surface, and inhaled greedily once she broke the soft surface of the body of water. Awa coughed slightly and had to swipe her hair away from her face where it had stuck with the help of water, before she turned around to see where the probably vengeful Atxa was hiding. She chuckled when she saw him a fair bit of distance away from her, glaring at her and pumping his feet underwater to keep himself afloat. Awa wiped some more water off her face and then laughed when she heard the tell-tale splash of Ngeha hitting the water behind her.

" **I will take my revenge!** " She heard Atxa say and she laughed harder at his empty words.

" **No you won't!** " Awa called back and started swimming away from him.

**AN: So, the first book of the HP series is roughly 79k words, meaning that I've soon written a book that's longer than that. I'm still in denial...**


	34. Chapter 34

_Awa frowned and pushed away the barely-started bowl she was braiding before glaring at the green leaves that flopped as it hit the ground. She heard some of Neytiri's friends giggle but when she looked in their direction they immediately quieted down and went back to their gossiping. No matter how many times she tried to make a simple bowl, one that was supposedly so easy even the children did it without a problem, and each time the object looked more and more like butchered leaves._

_"_ **_Gentle, Awa, gentle._ ** _" Neytiri reminded her and gestured towards Awa's broken creation. "_ **_Try again._ ** _"_

_The dreamwalker sneered at it in frustration, itching to stand up and throw it to the end of the world. The mere look of it disgusted her and made her want to go and hide somewhere no one would find her. At the end of her internal tantrum she reluctantly reached down with red, sore hands and picked up her shame before grabbing one of the unused leaves in between Neytiri and her._

_"_ **_I'll never finish it. Could you imagine that? I'm being taught the way of the Na'vi people by the best teacher but can't even weave a simple bowl._ ** _" She mocked herself with a deep scowl and a hint of tears to her eyes._

_"_ **_It comes with practice_ ** _." The Na'vi princess shot back and curled her lip into a slight grin as she bowed her head to hide the snicker. Neytiri had at least five of the bowls finished neatly by her side and her friends ten each that were stacked together._

_"Practice my ass." Awa muttered under her breath and harshly grabbed the leaf that was supposed to be weaved in next. Half of it stuck out in the line she was doing but she was beyond caring about how it looked, she was not made for this kind of work-- she was a warrior, a hunter, not a weaver of baskets or such matters._

_"_ **_What does_ ** _'ass'_ **_mean_ ** _?" Neytiri's friend Lu'o asked with a slow blink. "_ **_English is a bad language, not like na'vi._ ** _"_

_"_ **_Ass_ ** _." Awa translated with a mocking smile as she blinked back at the friend. "_ **_Na'vi is beautiful indeed_ ** _. " The dreamwalker deliberately had her pronunciation off on most of the words to spite the young Na'vi woman who was sneering at her._

_"_ **_Be kind."_ ** _Neytiri said to no one in particular, most likely directing it at both Lu'o and Awa, both of them were staring incredulously at their common friend before they furiously glared at each other. "_ **_I can see that. Don't make me get Atxa to lecture you, Awa, and you Lu'o I will get Tru'ha_ ** _!"_

_"_ **_No, Neytiri._ ** _" Both of them churosed before going back to their separate weaving, Lu'o's being as beautiful as ever and Awa's looking worse than ever. Now the entire thing was being weaved in the opposite direction and the bottom was beginning to unravel as her hasty fingers barely ghosted the structure of it before building the height._

_Her eyes glared daggers into it and her tail swished in an agitated manner behind her. She let out a groan that had a slight of a hiss to the end of it, like a petulant Na'vi child not getting another bite of syaksyuk offal. Awa was tempted to throw it away again but she knew better than to mess with Neytiri's patience, already she could see a slight down-pull of her lips and a hint of a glare when her eyes danced over to meet hers. No, it was better to do what she was supposed to and then leave the small group of weaving Na'vi women._

_"_ **_Tsu'tey would like it if you gifted him the bowl_ ** _." Neytiri commented off-handedly and then looked back down on her bowl as if she had not just said what said. Awa caught just a glimpse of the teasing look on her face and though she was trying to hide her fondness for the mighty warrior of the blue flute clan she couldn't help the smile that grew on her lips and the flutter in her chest._

_"_ **_I don't think so, it's ugly._ ** _" Awa muttered and gestured to her failure of a bowl, now wishing that she had done it better so she could have given it to Tsu'tey as a peace gift._

_Neytiri shook her head and grabbed the bowl from her hand before fixing the mess up in a matter of seconds. Her fingers moved in a blue blur and Awa's eyes widened and her jaw dropped when she got the bowl back, now just as pretty as the others compared to the mess of leaves it used to be that resembled more of a random pile of broken leaves than a bowl._

_"_ **_Thank you._ ** _" She whispered before weaving in the last layer of leaves to the tall bowl, feeling tingles in her fingers as she thought about the gift it would make, and if he would accept it or throw it back in her face. "_ **_Do you honestly think he'd like it?_ ** _" Awa held it up in front of her eyes as she twisted and turned the green object with a scrutinizing gaze._

_"_ **_If it came from you he would._ ** _" Awa's friend's eyes twinkled and Neytiri smiled before once again turning back to her own creation. "_ **_You overthink, it's simple._ ** _"_

_"_ **_What's simple?_ ** _" Awa put down the bowl to focus on the news she had gotten._

_"_ **_You do not know?_ ** _" Neytiri chuckled and added a pink leaf to her bowl to add a bit of color to the otherwise dark green._

_"_ **_Know what?!_ ** _" The dreamwalker sighed in frustration and rubbed her forehead. "_ **_What is it with you Na'vi and always speaking in riddles?_ ** _"_

_"_ **_It's not a riddle._ ** _" To Awa's surprise it was Kaa that snapped at her this time. "_ **_It is obvious, to most._ ** _" The pregnant Na'vi woman smirked and looked like she was going to speak again but she looked down at her thirteenth bowl with the smirk still on her lips._

_"_ **_Neytiri._ ** _" Awa whined with pleading eyes. "_ **_What do you mean?_ ** _" She didn't dare hope that Neytiri was talking about her and Tsu'tey. Awa didn't want to get her hopes up if he was going to keep smashing them as soon as she showed her face anywhere near the angry male. She wondered sometimes if he was holding a personal grudge towards her or if this was just his hate for humans and dreamwalkers-- or humans in a false Na'vi body as most Na'vi called them. Demons, was a common one too. The only one that called her bug was Tsu'tey himself and it had almost become something of a nickname at this point._

_"_ **_Nothing._ ** _" Neytiri gave Awa a sparkling smile but didn't say anything else even when Awa pressed her for further information. Her mind had been made up and only Eywa knew Tsu'tey and Awa's path._

_"_ **_Uh huh_ ** _." Awa gave her a sour look before finishing up her bowl and lifting it up in the air. "_ **_At least this thing is finished._ ** _"_

_"_ **_Great_ ** _," Neytiri looked up from her nearly finished bowl and looked over to a figure approaching them. She continued, "_ **_Now go give it to Tsu'tey. He's walking over there_ ** _." The Na'vi woman pointed at the approaching figure and Awa looked over with her mouth drawn into a thin line._

_Awa got up from her seat in the circle and brushed off her butt and loincloth before walking in the direction she could vaguely see Tsu'tey in. His steps looked slow and relaxed, unlike the fast, rapid and angry strides he took around her. Awa couldn't see the look on his face yet but she could bet that the frown was gone and a half-there grin or smirk was pulling at his lips with mirth and amusement dancing in his big, yellow eyes. She inhaled sharply, her hands sweating and the bowl feeling like it's a thousand pounds. Was this a good enough gift for the best warrior in the clan? Was this gift good enough to melt some of his ice cold hatred for her kind and for him to see her as her own person? There had been a slight change in him, that she could see, but still he held onto the hatred like a security blanket-- too afraid to let go._

_The dreamwalker exhaled and forced her feet to move towards him. "_ **_Tsu'tey_ ** _!" She called out to him with hope painting her words._

_"_ **_What do you want, demon?_ ** _" He barked at her, not slowing down or stopping even when they were close, he kept on walking past her. "_ **_I do not have time for your insanity._ ** _"_

_"_ **_I-I have a gift for you._ ** _" Awa stuttered in the beginning but her words grew confident towards the end as she glanced at Neytiri. "_ **_I made it myself. Hope you like it._ ** _" She said and thrusted the green bowl in his arms before frowning when he didn't grab it but instead let it fall to the ground. Awa's face fell but courage burned bright in her chest, if he didn't want to fight then she will. She will fight for him, fight so that he has no choice but to see_ _her_ _._

_Awa squatted and picked up the bowl before brushing it off and racing after the male. She was softly panting but her training with Atxa had worked wonders for her cardio, and her feet had grown tough and strong, able to run for long distances without a break and without pain. Her fingers had grown calluses at the tips and scratches was standing out from her skin but the pain only meant that she was learning._

_"_ **_I'd appreciate it if you'd at least take it._ ** _" Awa muttered once she caught up to him. "_ **_It's not going to bite you._ ** _"_

_"_ **_You touched it_ ** _." Was his only explanation and Awa hissed at him._

_"_ **_So what?_ ** _" Her tail flared and eyes narrowed. "_ **_My insanity isn't contagious._ ** _"_

_He glared down at her, the tips of his canines peeking out from behind his slightly curled lip. "_ **_No, but who knows where your hands have been._ ** _" A hint of amusement flickered in his eyes before he blinked and it was gone as quick as it came._

_She chuckled and grabbed onto the edge of the bowl, already knowing how to get him to take it. Awa took a long step towards him and before he could protest she had stuck the bowl under the string of his loincloth. She stepped back with an amused look on her face as she regarded the scandalous look on his face, as if he had been deeply violated._

_"_ **_There,_ ** _" she said and pointed towards her work. "_ **_Now you can take it since you touched it too._ ** _"_

_Awa's jaw dropped and her eyes widened comically much. He grinned at her. Tsu'tey grinned at her, he grinned, an actual full on grin. Not a smirk, not a taunting smile, a grin. An amused grin._

_"_ **_Why do you look like that?_ ** _" He asked before his bright grin dropped. Awa immediately missed the look on his face, the happiness and how his eyes lit up._

_"_ **_No reason._ ** _" She couldn't help the absolutely overjoyed smile from growing on her face. "_ **_No reason at all._ ** _"_

_The warrior scoffed and stormed off towards the forest, something he seemed to be doing a lot when he needed to be alone. Awa followed him, still glowing from the grin she had gotten and her steps felt light as a feather. Her smile was stretching her cheeks uncomfortably but she didn't mind._

_Some of the Na'vi stared at them but Awa for once paid their stares no mind and instead focused on not losing sight of the angry warrior. A part of her was weary of following him after seeing how his mood had switched and a part of her was angry with herself for ruining the moment they had. She hesitated for a second at the edge of the forest and placed a hand on one of the large trees guarding Pandora. Awa pushed a braid behind her ear before taking the first step inside the forest and after that she walked briskly to catch up to him._

_It took maybe five minutes of jogging in the confusing forest before she found him sitting on one of the larger branches in a tree that was taller than its neighbors and probably had a glorious view of the forest and sky. The sun was setting but the air was still warm and a warm orangey light was cast over the sky and before long all the nocturnal hunters would come out the play and Pandora would light up in the most enticing neon colors._

_"_ **_Why are you here?_ ** _" He whispered, not looking down at her._

_"_ **_Because you are here._ ** _" Awa whispered back as she began climbing up the tree. She was unused to climbing up trees, mostly her and Atxa jumped up fallen trees to get to the higher branches but sometimes she had to climb-- that was after he throw her down the trees._

_"_ **_I don't want you here._ ** _" Tsu'tey angrily responded._

_"_ **_But I am here_ ** _." She shot back and sat down next to him, seeing the rigid posture and tightly clenched jaw. "_ **_You don't need to be afraid._ ** _"_

_He glanced at her, his gaze frustrated. "_ **_I'm_ ** **_not_ ** **_afraid_ ** _."_

_"_ **_Then why won't you let me in?_ ** _" Awa responded and tugged her hair. "_ **_It's been weeks, Tsu'tey, and your hostility isn't changing. What is it with me that you hate so much? What have I done to you because this goes beyond humans_ ** _." She pointed at herself, angry and hurt tears building up in her eyes._

_"_ **_I do not hate you, Awa._ ** _" He muttered and looked away._

_"_ **_Then why do you act like this?_ ** _" She cried out, her plan about going about this with a calm and soothing attitude flying out the window as her emotions once again got the best of her. "_ **_I don't understand why you treat me like this!_ ** _"_

_He stood up and turned away from her, back tensed and tail flickering behind him. "_ **_I don't want to talk about it._ ** _"_

_"_ **_But_ ** _-" She tried to protest before he turned his burning eyes towards her and stepped closer to her shivering frame._

_"_ **_But nothing, demon! I do not want to talk about it!_ ** _" He snarled and showed his sharp fangs. "_ **_Stop trying to pick my head! This is not right,_ ** _" Tsu'tey made a sweeping motion in between them. "_ **_I do not want you near me, can you not understand this?! Your people hurt mine, I have loyalty to mine. How can I trust someone who abandoned her people? Sky people have done this before._ ** _"_

_"_ **_I abandoned them because what they're doing is wrong! I don't support what they're doing so I left._ ** _" She shouted at him and pushed at his chest, tears rushing down her cheeks._

_"_ **_Do not touch me, dirt. You have no right to put your dirty hands on me! I am Tsu’tey te Rongloa Ateyitan!_ ** _" Tsu'tey screamed back at her, his eyes flashing red and chest heaving._

_Awa opened her mouth to respond but suddenly felt herself stumble and wind rushing through her hair. A scream tore its way through her throat and the last thing she saw before her world went black was the panicking Tsu'tey reaching down for her and her own hand stretching up towards his but coming nowhere close to getting his._


	35. Chapter 35

Awa let out a bird-like call as she swooped down over the trail of Na'vi mounted on pa'li, moving up the hallelujah mountains and towards the ikran nests. She grinned at her mate when he shot her an irritated glance and a huff before focusing back on what he was doing, steering a bit more aggressively and his back straightening.

Lilo crooned softly and shook her head, casting her rider hopeful looks. Awa chuckled and guided Lilo up in the air, feeling the wind flowing through her thin braids, caressing her cheeks and threatening to push her off Lilo if she made a wrong move. Strange how things so gentle and beautiful could also be so deadly, Pandora in a nutshell. They swooped up over one of the mountains and made a sharp turn to avoid the waterfall from the one above it.

The Na'vi woman whooped and pushed a clenched fist in the air, making some of the ikran resting on the sides of the mountains screech and fly away from the flying woman. Lilo dived under the flying rock and over the one coming next. Water fell on them but Awa laughed through it all.

"I can't believe this is happening. I thought for sure he'd die, not that he'd be going through his iknimaya at this moment." Awa whispered, patting her ikran on the side. "Isn't it crazy, Lilo?"

The animal hissed and Awa chuckled. She told her winged animal to fly down and the pair spiralled down at an alarming, but controlled, speed towards where the Na'vi group was climbing up some of the stones that were connected with strong vines and branches. The stones were connected to where they had left the pa'li and the top where they would later jump over to another mountain. After that the group had jumped they would need to do some more climbing until they reached the ikrans main hangout amongst the legendary floating mountains of Pandora.

She flew around the climbing hunters and students, smiling crookedly at her mate and nodding to Jake before doing a thumbs up to Tsu'tey's little brother who was looking nervous and on the verge of passing out. The born Na'vi flew up the strip of stones, moving agily like lemurs while Jake was falling behind and was significantly slower than the rest of the group. Awa had to give him props for not giving up, she knew what it was like, even if she did have more time to complete her training than Jake who was on a tight schedule.

"I'll meet you at the top!" Awa shouted to Tsu'tey who nodded at her and pressed a flat hand to his chest before nodding.

Awa nodded back before flying up again towards the part where they would meet up again. Lilo's powerful wings created small currents of air under them as she pushed them towards the top effortlessly. Awa could see that the rest of the group had caught up to her mate who was waiting for the stones they were standing on to align with the floating mountain with long vines hanging down the bottom of it. A pang of nostalgia hit her as she thought back to when she had to make that jump, and how impossible it seemed. Not to mention the fact that if she failed the jump then her avatar body would be dead and she'd be useless. She shuddered at the thought of not being able to live as a Na'vi and instead live out her employment time on Pandora in her human body, watching the Na'vi and have to constantly be reminded of the failure that cost her everything.

Another loud shriek filled the air and Awa looked over to see Neytiri and Seze flying around the top part. She was probably waiting for the the group as well, wanting to see her student take the final leap to becoming an adult in the Omaticaya clan and become a hunter. Awa had never teached someone, yet, but she imagined the pride of seeing your students pass the final test.

Awa grinned and urged Lilo to speed up so they could join their friend while they waited. It took only seconds before they had caught up with them and Lilo's powerful, fast strokes turned into peaceful soaring with the occasional strong pull of her wings to keep up some speed even while they glided.

"Neytiri."She panted and touched her forehead briefly. Neytiri repeated the gesture with an 'Awa' and a smile. "Are you proud?"

"Yes." Neytiri answered and nodded her head with the smile still present, it had dulled a bit with just a bit of a sad undertone to it. "Very proud. Jake was a great student and now he'll become a man, free to pick a mate."

Awa sighed and gave her a knowing look. "And you want him to pick you."

"No." Neytiri snapped, her eyes flashing dangerously and Seze snapped her teeth after Lilo, who screeched and dodged the attempt.

Awa laughed and threw her head back. "Of course you do. I've seen the looks you two give each other, the sparkle in your eye and the easy smiles. It's obvious, Neytiri, even my mate picked up on it."

"Tsu'tey knows?" The Na'vi woman asked, shocked and a bit scared.

The former dreamwalker steered her ikran closer and nodded. "Of course he does. We share almost everything. It's even more twisted than my love story with Tsu'tey, and I hate to admit it but I think you'd be good for each other." Awa grimaced and flinched, her ikran mimicking the movement before turning her head to look at her rider.

"We can never be together." Neytiri mused with a brief shimmer of sadness shining in her face before she let out a sharp hoot and flew up to the mountain the main act of the iknimaya was going to be held.

Awa stared after her for a second, stunned into silence, before she too, but with a gentle nudge, flew up to the mountain after her friend. A few seconds after she saw Neytiri land on the small gap in the hiding spot the group had chosen she gently landed on the available space. Awa disconnected their tsaheylu and jumped off Lilo in one fluid movement before walking over to where Tsu'tey stood watching the many ikran basking in the sun.

Ikran of different colors and sizes were perched all around the mountains, some hanging off the walls and some flying around in the air around them. Screeches and other ikran noises filled the air and Awa smiled as the memory of her doing this surfaced. She remembered the initial fear and nervousness before that shimmered away and turned into excitement and happiness.

"Do you remember my own iknimaya?" She whispered to her mate, her eyes flickering all around the place, finding what had changed and what was the same. "It seems like a lifetime ago."

He sharply nodded, eyes flickering from his nervous students to the ikrans they were going to try and tame. "I remember, Awa."

"Right away when I saw her I knew Lilo was the one for me. Gods she was tough, fighting my every move until I made tsaheylu with her." Awa replied and smiled as she thought back on their fight. It had been Na'vi against ikran. Dreamwalker against Pandora. She remember how she rolled around, trying to avoid being bitten or dragged down the mountain. She remembers how Atxa yelled at her, how her peers laughed but then turned quiet. She remembers how their first flight felt and how that unbreakable bond was finalized. A pa'li can have many riders, but an ikran can only ever have one.

He stroked a finger down her arm and grinned before schooling his features when they noticed Jake looking at them. "I will always remember all of our time spent together, the good and the bad." His deep voice whispered to her, eyes lit with happiness and only a small bit of them darkened with the pain of some of the memories. "Arvok is very nervous."

"He's a strong warrior, Tsu. He'll make it." Awa told him, rubbing his arm comforting while looking up at him. "Arv has trained for this all of his life. It's his last moments as your baby brother." She laughed and looked back at the small group of students that were going through the process today. "And one day our children will do the same and they will become mighty, strong and fierce warriors just like their ancestors."

He nodded before turning his body towards the students and with a challenging smirk and a wave of his head he spoke to Jake, "JakeSully will go first."

Awa gently hit him on the shoulder and gave him a pointed, but still amused look. Tsu'tey scowls when Neytiri guided Jake through the thin passage from the grotto they were in and towards the more crowded part of the ikran nest. They were talking to each other in soft, whispering voices but Awa could still almost hear them at the distance they were.

"Let's go." He barked at the remaining students and his brother before guiding Awa through the small passage with his hand holding hers firmly.

Awa saw Jake unfolding his banshee catcher and swung it around a couple of times as he hesitant in his steps stepped out of the safety of the waterfall and out onto the mountain side that was practically covered with colorful ikran waiting to be chosen. Most of them shuffle away from his and his stance grows more and more confident.

Neytiri, Tsu'tey, Awa and the remaining students walk just a bit outside of the waterfall before stopping and observing Jake's iknimaya. So far none of them looked impressed by his efforts, Awa and Tsu'tey openly showing their displeasure-- Awa still hadn't been completely won over by Jake and Tsu'tey having never like the male.

Jake lunges at a few of them but they all flew away or moved away until he walked up to a blue and black male that shifted around to stare at Jake before shrieking loudly, declaring the challenge to the male dreamwalker. Tsu'tey gestured to him and made a few mocking comments and some advice to his students, the remarks making Awa crack a tense smile.

"Let's dance." He said after hissing at the animal.

Awa leaned forward and hissed lowly, getting caught up in the fight as if it was her own. Jake swung around the catcher again as the ikran glared at him.

"The idiot is going to get himself killed." Tsu'tey chuckled and gestured with his bow to Jake. Awa grinned and nodded, so far Jake wasn't doing so good.

The ikran lunged with wide open jaws and Jake jumped to the side at the last second before wrapping the catcher around the ikran's jaws and jumping on its back. They wrestled and the ikran even flew up a bit in the air before stumbling backwards. Awa was a bit impressed that Jake could hold on even through the frantic bucking of the stronger animal.

The pair was wandering close to the edge and Awa was afraid for a second that they were going to fall over but the winged beast swerved to the side as Jake forced it to bow its head. They get down on the ground.

"Make the bond!" Neytiri screamed out with a frown on her face as she stared at him struggling.

Jake reaches back to collect his tswin and just as he's bringing it forward the ikran headbutts him and his hold on the animal is lost. It bucks him off it and he rolls towards the end of the platform.

Awa gasps and lunges forward but Tsu'tey's hand on her arm stopped her from doing anything stupid. She hissed through her teeth but didn't try to lunge forward again to save him. He was to be a warrior and therefore he's on his own.

"Jake!" Neytiri screams out, panicked as he fumbles to get a grip. Tsu'tey laughs mockingly with a big smile.

Jake gets back up again and runs towards the animal before jumping on its back again. He wraps the catcher around the ikran's jaws again as they danced together once more.

"Tsaheylu, Jake, tsaheylu." Neytiri reminded him, crouched a distance away from him.

"Tsaheylu!" She told him again when the fighting pair went to the floor and Jake wrapped his legs around its massive head.

Jake reaches back and this time faster grabs his tswin and connects it with the ikran, forming the bond and calming down the ikran. "Stop." He ordered it and it limply raised its wing once before falling down.

Awa cheered and raised her fist in the air. "Good job, Jake!" She called out to him before entwining her fingers with Tsu'tey's.

The dreamwalker unwrapped his legs and moved away from his seat at its neck to stare into the ikran's eyes. "That's right. You're mine now." He told it and unwrapped the catcher from its mouth.

The now claimed ikran softly screeched as it got into a better position, Jake placing himself in the position he had seen the other Na'vi do other times. He's unbalanced and shaky but Awa knows that will pass as soon as the first flight has been made.

"First flight seals the bond. You cannot wait." HIs former teacher told him and pushed his ikran towards the edge of the platform. Her voice was soft but proud. "Think 'Fly'." She raised her voice as she walked away from him.

"Fly?" He said in an uncertain tone and then yelped when the ikran flew off the edge and soaring towards the ground.

Awa laughed and looked back at the other students as Neytiri rushed to Seze. "That's not how you do it." Tsu'tey nodded and gave his remaining students a warning look not to do what the dreamwalker did.

"Who wants to go first?" She asked the group and wiped her hands on the fabric covering parts of her pants. None of the students jumped to the chance and she shrugged before putting a hand over her eyes. "Then I will choose....You will go first." Awa had spun around once and then let her finger wander over the group before stopping on one and opening her eyes. It was the only female except for her and she gave her a kind, gentle smile. "Go on." Awa urged her and Tsu'tey put a hand on the soon-to-be grown woman.

"Eywa will guide you." Tsu'tey told her before nudging her shoulder and gesturing towards the still many ikrans waiting for them.


	36. Chapter 36

_Blood dripped down the side of a wooden chair. A small puddle of crimson had formed and stretched in all directions with glaringly red arms. Harsh, loud pants echoed around in the cold, metallic room. Whimpers were breathed out and ear-piercing cries of excruciating and lingering pain came regularly escaped the tied-up woman. A set of footsteps reverberated around the pair, heavy and steady against the ground._

_"Where have you been?" A voice that haunted her asked._

_Awa grimaced and shook her head, making blood fall from her beaten face. "I won't tell you." She bared her teeth, blood-stained as they were and dripping with it from the last punch._

_"You will." Quaritch told her with a self-satisfied smirk and a tug of his pants. "They all break in the end. Whether with carrot at the end or just stick. I'm fine with either, but that's just me." His smile was full of teeth- like a shark that had just came upon a bleeding fish._

_She lowered her head, her defiance dropping by the minute. At the beginning she had been strong enough to fight back, return his comments and anger him. Now Awa was tired of fighting, but she still would not betray them. Even if they hated her they were her people and her loyalty was not that easily shifted._

_The colonel walked up to her from behind, slamming his bloody hands down on her fragile shoulders. "You were in their home, I assume. Right above the biggest source of unobtanium, the thing we all came here for." His hands massaged her and she tensed up. Dread filled her aching body but most of her fighting had left her. "I've never had much patience with traitors. Especially those that betray their own kind but for you I've made an exception. You see I've always had a thing for you."_

_He swaggered around her, his green army pants all she could see. "Of course everyone told me it was a fool's errand but I had this idea set in my mind. I began to court you." Quaritch voice got louder and more firm. "You were very unwilling. Rejected my every touch, every smile, every sweet word. You were too in love with the natives to realise the mistake you were doing. I refused to believe we had lost another bright mind to the savages but as the days went by you left us piece by piece."_

_Awa sobbed tiredly, her chest heaving with each laboured breath she forced herself to take. Her eyes remained teary but without any of them falling. Awa had no more tears to cry. Already she was beginning everyone to take her away from him- Eywa, Grace, Tsu'tey, Atxa, Ngeha. Her hope and faith in ever getting out of there dwindled by the hour that she remained bound in the empty room, her only company the very man that was torturing her._

_"Still I held on hope that I would be able to convince you to come back."_

_The words tumbled out of her before she realised that she had even opened her mouth. "By harassing me? By touching me when I didn't want you to? If anything you helped drive me away." She spat at him, her head still hanging low and body shivering with pain. "Sorry." Awa whispered, preparing for the blow he would without a doubt give her._

_Her head snapped to the side as pain bloomed on the left side of her face. A low whimper tore its way through her throat. Awa almost fell over if it wasn't for him grabbing the end of her chair and pulling her back up. A lone tear fell down her bruised face and down the bleeding wounds, making them sting. She wheezed._

_"I don't like hurting you." Quaritch told her with a sympathetic smile. "But you just can't listen, can you? You're trying to betray your own kind and I'm trying to stop you from making that mistake. They can't love you like we can. They don't want you."_

_"All you've ever done is hurt me." She bitterly stated and let her words hang in the air for awhile until she forced herself to speak again. "What did I ever do to you to deserve this? This pain, this torture?!" Awa exclaimed loudly, making her whole body seize up in pain. "I have done nothing to deserve this!"_

_Quaritch said nothing, His face fell back into the blank state he usually had as he turned around to grab something off the desk he had brought. "I hoped it wouldn't come to this but you're just too stubborn." His eyes shower her something akin to fondness._

_He turned around, showing her what was in his hand. A knife. A long, silver knife that shined in the light, taunting her as he brought the blade closer to her. Alva flinched and tried to back away but his hands followed her. The blade felt cold against her warm skin and the bite it gave as it slit her skin open barely felt amongst the other burning pains he had given her._

_"Are you going to kill me?" Awa asked him. She looked up at him for the first time since he had started beating her, eyes tired and vacant. "If so, just get it over with."_

_He chuckled coldly. "I'm not going to kill you, Awa. I'm trying to save you."_

_"Pretty weird way to show it." Awa muttered and let her head fall again as she felt yet another slow cut on her arm being made. She felt the warmth of her blood pooling out of the wound but she could only just feel the stinging his knife left behind. All the punches to the head had desensitized her too much to feel the rest of the rough treatment._

_"Now, back to business. Where were you?" He curtly asked her, tapping the edge of the knife on her hand. "And don't lie to me. I can always tell."_

_Awa felt her hands relax, not even tensing or flinching as he made shallow cuts on them. Her legs felt like jelly, her head and heart heavy. The last of her fight had flown out of her like air out of a balloon. She was tired, so very tired. Everything felt hopeless and she wanted to laugh. Humourlessly._

_"I was with the Na'vi." She told him, though he already knew that. He was just about to bring the knife down on her again when she rushed out her next answer. "In the hometree!"_

_Quaritch halted, smiled and tilted his head. "Good. You're finally learning. I told you that they all break in the end."_

_Awa didn't feel broken, she just felt tired and done with it all. All she wanted was to be back at the hometree and surrounded by her friends. All she wanted was to fade away and never come back. Tears of frustration poured down her cheeks and she sobbed heavily._

_"I just want it all to stop." She cried out, her voice breaking with each sob. "I want to go home."_

_"This is your home."_

_"No it's not! My home is with the Na'vi."_

_"Look at you, Awa. You used to be so promising in our cause." He muttered as if he was sad about it. "Now you'd rather run around in a forest with savages than be with your people. Never mind that, your insanity can be cured."_

_Awa wanted to respond, to fight back but she couldn't. She was too tired to even lift her head. She had been fighting for too long and now she was crashing. A buzzing sound grew in the background and white spots appeared in the corner of her eyes. The buzzing grew until it was all she could hear, and the white spots extended until it was all she could feel._

_Quaritch was gone but she could still feel every cut he gave her and the flow of her blood as it escaped her body. She whimpered, scared at what was happening. A vision at this time? How could she defend herself if she was reliving someone else's memories?_

_A new scenery was painted in front of her. It was the forest, one of her favorite spots. It was a meadow with only young, short trees and high grass with purple flowers in it. She and Atxa spent their breaks there. It was her secret hideout. The sun was warm and bright against her but she didn't look away. It made her feel something other than the tired numbness she was being taken over by._

_Two blue figures sat under one of the bigger trees, talking. One of them was tall and had a waistguard, the other shorter and wore feminine clothing. Awa wished she could sit there with them, even if it was Rayfo or any other of Tsu'tey's friends. She could take their harsh words if it meant escaping from Quaritch and his touches._

_The vision sharpened and her eyes honed in on the male figure. The big eyes, the scowl, the worry lines and arrogant posture; it was Tsu'tey. The female, greying hair, the feather necklace, the smile; it was Ngeha. Awa limped closer, slapping a hand over her stomach as pain assaulted her. She noticed that she was back in her Na'vi body but the human injuries had followed her._

_"You're too harsh on the girl." Ngeha told her companion softly. "She's trying her best."_

_"I don't care." He stubbornly shot back, his tail swishing. "The demon has no place among the people."_

_Ngeha sighed and placed a hand on her knee. "She has if she proves herself. If she goes through her iknimaya she is one of the people. Awa needs your help, Tsu'tey, not for you to constantly put her down when all she wants is to belong."_

_"Hmpf." Tsu'tey responded and glared at the other Na'vi. "I do not want a human to live with us. They are all the same. Evil, greedy and ignorant."_

_"She's not like the rest of her people. None of them fought like she did. Don't be like them, Tsu'tey. Would you drive away one of our allies just because your pride cannot let you forget?"_

_Awa stared tensely at them. They were speaking about her? Ngeha was defending her to Tsu'tey, trying to convince him to accept her? A warm feeling spread in her chest that quickly faded when she felt another searing pain from reality hit her._

_"Sky people are killing us, Ngeha." He replied in a somber tone. "I cannot forget what her people have done and are still doing. Do not ask me to."_

_"Do not forget, but forgive her for sins that are not hers to bear. Awa has never killed one of ours," Ngeha reminded him with a gentle smile. "she is brave and her heart strong. She has the soul of one of us. Not to mention that she's not blind, though she sees very little. There is still hope for her."_

_Awa went to protest until she remembered that she was not physically there. She sat down in front of them, shivering as they looked like through her as if she wasn't there. Her fingers touched one of the newer cuts absentmindedly as she watched the two stare into the forest._

_"I do not like her."_

_"I think you do." Ngeha grinned at him. "If anything I think you like her a bit too much." She teased him, watching Tsu'tey recoil and scowl at her._

_"I do not like the demon." He protested loudly, looking scandalized that she would even propose such an idea. "I would kill her in a heartbeat."_

_Ngeha shook her head and Alva winced at his words. "I do not think you would, not anymore. You're too deep, there's already an attachment to her or you would not be so defensive. Just admit it, to yourself if no one else."_

_He protested again, letting out an outdrawn hiss. "Fine. I do not wish to kill the demon, but I do not like her." His ears flattened against his head. "She is nothing but dirt."_

_"One day you will say differently." Ngeha told her and Awa saw his cold expression waver before she was pulled away from the image._

_The green scenery turned into white before that turned into the steely grey of her cage._

_"Welcome back." Quaritch voice greeted her and the full extent of her injuries hit her all at once. She screamed as she felt him punch her in the stomach, the already tender and numb area exploding in bright, burning pain that made her want to throw up and then pass out._

_"I hate you." Awa whimpered as her body leaned to the side, the ropes threatening to give way any minute. She heard a ringing in her ears and she felt lightheaded as blow after blow rained down on her. The only reason she beared through the pain was because of the sliver of hope the vision had given her, hope that Tsu'tey was warming up to her, hope that Ngeha would fight for her and hope that soon she will have earned her place with the Na'vi._

_AN: Personally didn’t like it, I’m a bit rusty but I hope y’all enjoyed it anyways. This is the darkest part of her past, I think, so it will only get better from here._


	37. Chapter 37

Awa sighed and fell down on the ground, panting softly in unison with her mate. She tilted her head back before she grabbed Tsu'tey's arm and pulled him down on her, enjoying the warmth he provided as he wrapped himself protectively around her. The slow exhales brought a soft grey mist around them that later disappeared almost immedietaly after it formed. The trees swayed softly in the gentle, warm wind and the sound of rushing water filled their ears. The sun beamed down on them and animal sounds echoed in the green forest.

She leaned up and kissed him on the forehead, smoothing a hand down his hair before leaning back down again. Awa chuckled breathlessly and placed one of her hands on his shoulder and the other one she brushed into his sweaty hair.

" **Are you happy?** " Awa asked him, still chuckling softly as the thrill from before lingered in her tired body.

He grunted softly and pushed his face harder into her chest. " **Yes**." Tsu'tey answered, his words muffled but she could hear the tired tone to it. "I **am a strong hunter, I honor my clan, I have a loving mate and soon enough I'll have children of my own to raise.** "

 **"But are you happy?** " She asked again, her voice a bit harsher but still soft. " **All of those things are great but are you truly happy?** "

Tsu'tey lifted his face from her chest and placed a soft kiss on her lips. " **Yes, Awa, I'm happy. With you I will always be happy, and together we will raise strong warriors and live good until we are reunited with Eywa.** " He stroked a hand down her smiling face before he leaned his forehead on hers. " **Are you not happy?** "

Awa scoffed. " **Of course I am. I worked my ass off to be here, to be with you and the Na'vi. I love it here, I love you.** " Her eyes softened and her eyes closed. " **I'm beyond happy**."

" **Then why do you ask.** " He asked her.

The woman sighed and caressed his shoulder. " **You've seemed stressed lately and we've barely been able to talk with all that's been going on with Jake and the iknimaya**." Awa responded sadly, almost whining as her ears flattened against her hair. " **I just wanted to see how you were feeling**."

" **You do not need to worry about me. I am a strong hunter.** " His chest puffed with pride of his rank and a cocky smile grew on his face. " **Soon JakeSully will not be a problem, he will not survive uniltaron**."

" **I wouldn't be so sure of that, Tsu. He's surprised us both so far. Maybe he's more like me than I first thought**." She thoughtfully replied before flipping them over.

Awa relished the surprised gasp he let out as he was flipped over on his back and she quickly straddled him. " **We are both two people that just love betraying our own race**." She pressed a passionate kiss to his lips and pulled back a centimeter before she spoke again. " **Defying all odds.** " Another kiss. " **Earning our place in the enemy clan** " A longer and deeper kiss. " **And falling for a Na'vi.** "

She leaned up a bit, watching as he unconsciously reached after her. Awa laughed before pushing him back down on the ground with a firm hand to his chest, his waistguard hanging somewhere in the tree next to them and their covering discarded around them. " **Do you remember when we first met?** "

" **Yes. You were extremly stupid.** " He told her, his eyes not meeting hers. " **I hurt you that day. I would have killed you if Ngeha didn't stop me.** " Tsu'tey confessed with a slight, almost unnoticeable shake in his voice.

" **And I've told you I forgive you a thousand times over. That's the past and I don't blame you for acting that way, I was still very much human and did a lot of things that you aren't supposed to do. Though you did behave like someone who had a stick up their a-** " She started but he interrupted her by flipping them over again.

" **Like a what?** " He challenged her, arching a brow bone. " **Be careful, mate.** "

Awa chuckled loudly and wrapped her legs around his hips. " **You have to admit that you were sulking whenever you saw me. If you weren't this big bad hunter you would have pouted and thrown a temper tantrum.** "

" **I would, but then it all changed.** "

" **And then it all changed.** " Awa repeated and leaned up to wrap her arms around his neck, one of his hands fell to her flat stomach. " **And then it all changed.** "

\---

The mated pair stood in a sea of Na'vi. They were waiting for the newest member of their clan, Jake Sully, the marine. The tension was thick and tense chatter could be heard amongst them. Some were excited as most were when someone passed their iknimaya and uniltaron, but this was special, unlike her own initiation where they had been excited. Back when she became one of the people it was a happy occurrence, now it was not the same.

Many of the Na'vi stood up when Jake stepped up from the spiralling stairs. He had passed the final test. His body was painted with white swirls around his chest, straight lines on his stomach, circles around his arms and a mask on his face. He wore no armbands, no necklace and no waistguard. His posture was like that of a hunter- confident and strong.

Awa smiled briefly and curled her arms around Tsu'tey's who stood frigid and unmoving beside her. The final initiation of Jake into the Omatikaya clan was held in the same hollow they did most of the celebrations and traditions; the one with the Toruk skull watching over them.

Neytiri stepped out from behind them and together the pair walked towards where the Tsahìk and Olo'eyktan stood. Awa let go off Tsu'tey and stood a respective distance away from him as she let the new member pass by her. He looked at her with a self-satisfied smirk and a victorious glint in his golden eyes.

She nodded and briefly laid a hand on her chest. 'Good job', her eyes said, but a storm of conflict was raging in her mind and chest. Jake was trouble, and as far as she knew none of the other Na'vi knew about his betrayal... yet.

Once Jake and Neytiri had come to a stop in front of the clan leader, the Olo'eyktan began the procedure.

" **You are now a son of the Omatikaya**." He told Jake in a strong, reverberating voice, and stretched out a hand towards the dreamwalker. " **You are part of the people**." The leader said before looking around at his people.

The Na'vi leader placed his hands on Jake's painted shoulders and then Neytiri placed hers on his chest. Jake sighed and looked at the Na'vi woman, who smiled up at him, her eyes filled with pride. Awa bit her lip as Mo'at placed her hands on Jake's shoulder with a big smile. The scene was so familiar, but she held none of the support from the humans that she did.

Grace was close to tears in the back, knowing that Jake had done something she never could, and made no move towards touching the new hunter. Tsu'tey placed his hands, albeit reluctantly, on Jake's shoulders from the back, and as soon as he had done it Alva placed her hands on Jake's left shoulder.

Before long all of the Na'vi that were there had formed a big circle around Jake, all holding onto the shoulders of the person in front of them. Through each other they all touched Jake, and acknowledged that he was now one of them.

A tear fell from Awa's eye. It was a beautiful scene to be in, but she struggled with keeping the bitterness that had been formed because of the humans at bay. Maybe that was something that she would carry with her forever, but she found now that she was okay with that. As long as she had Tsu'tey and The People, the struggle didn't seem as daunting, and the pain not as vivid.

"I'm proud of you." She whispered to him with tears threatening to fall from her eyes, a small smile played at her lips, though only half-genuine. Tsu'tey looked over at her but didn't comment, he knew her feelings better than she did sometimes.

\---

Awa stood by the tree he was resting beneath. Zotxe was a Na'vi she would never forget, despite all the pain he caused her, he was still a good soul and didn't deserve to die. After the initiation Awa had fled the scene, not even stopping to say something to her worried mate. No, what she needed to do was talk to one of her best friends, dead or alive.

She placed a pink flower on the plot of grass, knowing that under that plot his body laid, void of his soul and energy. Zotxe was with Eywa but the place remained a place of comfort for her. The flower joined the already overflowing pile of flowers, all with different shapes and colors.

"Oel ngati kameie ma Zotxe." Awa said and touched her forehead. "I hope that you still find the arms of Eywa as comforting as when you first joined her, and that all is well."

She sat still for a minute as if waiting for an answer from her friend, but none came, and so she continued. "Do you remember Jake? The marine that came to us a couple of months ago? Yeah him." Awa nodded and brushed the grass beside her. "He's passed both his Iknimaya and uniltaron now. He's officially a part of the Omaticaya. Would you believe it? I know I didn't."

Awa sighed and brushed her legs. She looked up at the sky that was turning pink and purple, already the day was turning into night. "I don't know how I feel about all of this, to be honest. On one side I'm happy for him. That he can experience it all like I did, and maybe even find peace here. But. But on the other side I don't want him here, call me selfish but I feel like he's taking my place. I was the wonder-human who earned a spot here, I was the one who did all the work without the support from the RDA, but when it's Jake who does it everyone is supportive and loves it."

The Na'vi woman threw away a twig that was pushing up into her leg. "I just feel like he took a cheap ride on my pain and is now reaping the benefits on it. Is that crazy? Am I being unfair to him?" She grunted and let out a puff of air. "That's not even thinking about him spying on us with that bastard Quaritch. Jake started off bad and now I can't let go of that. Isn't that great?!" She cried out loudly to the sky above her. "Why do I have to suffer so much? Why me?! I thought I would get a break after Tsu'tey but no, you just have to throw something else at me, don't you?!" Awa screamed at no one in particular.

The silence around her was deafening and no matter how much she wished it, Zotxe would never talk to her again. Ngeha would tell her to get over it, Atxa wouldn't say anything and Tsu'tey hated Jake. None of them were people she could vent about this too. Neytiri was the least likely choice out of any of them- she was far too emotionally involved with the human to even realise any of his faults at this point.

"It's just hard to constantly have to have these feelings pushing me down. Do I support Jake or do I push him down? Which part of me should I listen to? I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore." Tears flowed down her pale cheeks, staining them. "Before I had clear goals but now I just feel like I'm walking through a hurricane of things, like there's nothing under me but confusion and fear. Before life was simple, but now with the growing conflict with the RDA and Jake I just feel constantly lost and torn. Do you get what I mean?" Awa asked, again to no one, before looking at the flowers again.

She chuckled. "Of course you don't. You refused to learn English." Awa shook her head and dried her tears. "Thank you for this. I've been crying way too much these past months and I can't wait for it to be over. It reminds me of when I first got here and all I did was cry and cry and cry. Pathetic really." She dried the rest of her tears and smiled. Her chest felt so much lighter and her smile easier. "Thank you for listening, old friend. Hayalovay, Zatxo."

Awa stood up and cast one more look at his grave before walking away towards where Khan stood waiting for her. She felt stronger now and more ready to face the world.

**AN: I have no idea honestly why it's been so long since I updated. Tbh this chapter was hard to write but it's no excuse. Also, I can't believe we're already almost at the end. There's only about 11 present time chapters left, but plenty of past chapters. So about 22 chapters of planned chapters remain, should I do all the "past-time" chapters in this book or continue this style in the next?**


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